There is nothing I hate more than someone who drops extraneous information into a conversation for the sole purpose of seeming important.

Ok, there may be things I hate more, like war and hippies...but still. I hate this a lot too.

You know the type I am talking about? Like, lets say I am having a conversation with someone about flowers, and I am like "I really like irises" the other party is like "I saw the most GORGEOUS flowers when I was at the Oak Room last night. I dropped almost a G on dinner and drinks".

Um, ok. Not relevant to what we were talking about. I said what kind of flower I liked, thus opening the door for you to tell me what kind of flowers YOU like..not that you have a predilection for overpriced steak.

And this person ALWAYS does this. Like I could mention that my stapler was broken and he would be like "You know what else is broken? The bathroom fan at the Top of the Hub. I found out last night after I spent a G on dinner.".

These are the same kinds of people who name drop constantly. I don't mean "Hey, have you ever been to Sonsie? I went for the first time this weekend and it is fabulous!". That is fine. But when the conversation is going in one direction or even in NO direction and you turn it so you can mention some supposedly marvelous place you went to and how much money you spent, that is decidedly unfabulous.

What i like to do to a person like this, is completely deflate them.

So you see, in the case of Mr. Oak Room, even though I knew what/where the Oak Room is, I said. "Oak Room? What is that??". And he looked at me SHOCKED "You don't know what the Oak Room is?" and I of course shook my head, dumbly. "It's a RESTAURANT at the FAIRMONT COPLEY PLAZA". And I shrugged and said "Oh, never heard of it". At this point, he informed me it was "The Best Steakhouse in Boston" and basically rattled off the menu from memory, complete with prices, to give me an idea of what I was missing. I ended the conversation with "Oh, I'm usually not a fan of hotel bars, little too touristy for me but it sounds cute!" and sauntered off.

So maybe I am the bitch. But he is annoying.

And that is so much worse.

Dear CNN Breaking News:

It's not "Breaking News" if I get the email 30 minutes after something happens. That is what we call just "News". I signed up for these emails for a reason: I like the "Breaking" aspect of "Breaking News". So, unless it's just Gmail being a retard as usual, please step it up. Thanks.

Love, Sarah




Dear GMail,

If this is your fault, then cut the shit.
Thanks!

Love, Sarah

Weekend Highlights

* Remember my hypochondriacal fears about having the stomach flu? Well they were not quite as hypo in nature as I had originally said since I left work wrtechedly ill on Friday at 3. And here is the most awesome part: Having the stomach flu, feeling completely miserable...and being stuck, unmoving, on the highway for ONE HOUR because they highway is shut down so a Med-Flight helicoptor can land on it. And I didn't even get to see any wreckage because by the time traffic got started again it was cleared. poo.

* For a looong time I have wanted these wine glasses from Crate and Barrel


However, spending $10 on a wine glass scares me given my propensity towards breaking them. So, I waited. And as usual, waiting has paid off since Adam and I went to BB&B this past Saturday and found the same wine glasses in the clearance section: 4 for $10! score!

*I finally broke down and got a cell phone. Well, Adam got it for me. And i DID end up going with Verizon since Adam will not switch, and we wanted to be on the same plan. But I am now a member of the technologically advanced sector of society although while trying to program Andy's number into my phone I instead sent him a text that said "Andy". I will get the hang of it someday though, I swear. And in the meantime what is everyone's ringtone? Mine is Copacabana. Yes, on purpose.

*Saturday night I attended a mexican fiesta at my friend Jenn's house. It was lots of fun but allow me to say this: Mexican is a poor choice if one is covering from a stomach bug.

*Speaking of Andy, I visited him for four hours yesterday and he is doing GREAT. Still the consumate host even with a broken back. He injured himself pretty badly a few weeks ago but I am happy to report he is in great spirits and it was SO good to see him.

*This is the bomb


You mix it up with some bean sprouts, scallions, crushed peanuts and chopped chicken and it is DIVINE. Especially when served with homemade crab rangoons . But word to the wiser than me: Chinese/Asian food? ALSO not a good idea for those recovering from a stomach bug. But it sure is tasty.

Did anyone else read that second line and totally think it said "gaying"? I totally read it as "Provincetown officials worry the town's population is "gaying". I was like "Honey, I am pretty sure it's already there".

I seriously giggled for about 5 minutes. A coworker asked "What's so funny" and I shouted "GAYING!". I say that I shouted because I seem to have lost volume control of my voice this morning. Not that I am surprised after the night I had.

It all started innocently enough. Jenny and Diana emailed me at work yesterday to see if I wanted to meet up at our mainstay, Fuji, after work for sushi and drinks. So although I had PLANNED on going home and relaxing after a crazy busy day at work, I figured "What the H. I will go, catch up with my girls, have some spicy tuna maki and a glass of wine and be home by 7".

Of course after the first glass of wine, another always sounds better. And another. I also was VERY adventurous with my sushi dealings! I ate octopus for the first time and when I say I ate octopus I mean literally, I was served 4 tentacles with sucky cups attached and all. And it wasn't half bad! Although the seaweed it came with tasted like dirty ocean. I also ordered scallops which I normally don't like but they were delicious as well. My new goal at Fuji is to try something I've never had before each time I go. At the rate I go there I should have the whole menu done in like 3 weeks.

Anyway after enough raw fish pinot grigio was consumed we decided to check out the new Trattoria Alba on Hancock Street and I am DEFINITELY having my birthday party there. It is amazing: marble floors, a marble bar, floor to ceiling windows and a fabulous menu/wine list. Not to mention the most flattering lighting this side of Harvard Gardens. There, I sampled their dirty Tanqueray martinis, and there Pinot Noir both of which were very tasty.

Of course after that, we were in no shape to call it a night so we decided to go see a friend's band play at Bill's Bar in Boston. So we trekked to my apartment, got in Adam's car and we all drove into the show just in time to see the Age Rings who I am happy to say I love. I don't often find local bands that I really think I could get into, but this is definitely one of them. Anyway, there I ran into people I hadn't seen in a while (like the lovely Lindsay) and I made the oh so smart move of switching to gin & tonics. I will say this: last night marked the first time ever re-applying eye liner while drunk and not causing myself greivous injury. So thumbs up for that.

And the best part of getting your night started at 6PM is that you get home by 11:30PM..a perfectly respectable bed time especially after consuming 3 glasses of pinot grigio, 1 glass of pinot noir, a dirty martini and 2 gin & tonics.

I need an advil though.

I'll admit it. I'm a bit of a hypo.

If I start to feel sick, I obsess about what it is. My knees ache: Oh My God I am getting the flu because when you have the flu, your joints ache, right? . Or when my throat hurts I always think it's my adenoids even though 1) I have no idea what adenoids are or 2) where they are but I am pretty sure I need them out anyway.

I have always been like this, when i was young I was SURE I had diabetes. (Although I admit this was mostly because I idolized Stacy from The Babysitter's Club and SHE had diabetes). But any slight dizziness and I was like "OMG MY BLOOD SUGAR" even though, once again, I had no idea at the time what blood sugar actually was.

I guess once a hypo, always a hypo.

And today is no different.

No less than FIVE of my coworkers are out today with a stomach flu. One of my bosss went home a few hours ago, and another coworker heaved into his wastebasket but is still trying to "stick it out" much to the chagrin of the non vomiting office population.

And just now Adam emailed me from work and was like "My stomach is acting up, I am going home".

So of course now I am like "Wait, does MY stomach hurt? Do I feel okay?" and you know of COURSE if you really think about how you feel you can almost always pick out one thing that is not 100%. In my case I am a little hoarse today and even though that is not really a symptom of stomach flu, clearly I have it.

Right?

How to lighten the mood at your Annual Review

Boss: Here are a couple of pages of what your co-workers had to say about you.
Me: (Scanning the first page) It says here under "Positive Feedback": "Sarah will do pretty much anything you ask her to"
Boss: Yeah, I saw that
Me: Well that's not something I would put in a personal ad!

Hiyoooo!!

Anyway, all in all my first annual review went fabulously. I got a very generous raise, some great feedback and the usual developmental advice. I was pretty relaxed going into it. My boss asked me in the beginning "Are you nervous? Everyone always gets really stressed out about this" and I was like "No I'm actually looking forward to it!".

Clearly I have watched too much Office Space.

Wednesday Morning Analogous Bitchery

Verizon Wireless Customer Service is to "good" and "helpful" as stubbing one's toe is "fun" and
"nice-feeling".

Make sense?

The big excitement around here this past weekend was the arrival of our new coffee table and end tables.

My mom cringed when I told her I bought glass tables, she was raised in a glass table house and still has nightmares about the smudges (have I mentioned my mother is neat to the point of OCD?). I am a fan though. The only drawback is that this new coffee table is a few inches longer and wider and taller than the old one, and I have walked into it about 199 times since Saturday morning. Ask my left knee, a glass corner ain't nothin' to f*ck with.

But I intend to adjust!

One of the end tables, housing our fish Briscoe quite nicely..there's also some fresh flowers I bought from the road stand down the street from my work, and framed pictures of Monet's waterlillies garden that my parents took when they were in Giverny.


I like to have fresh flowers in the house whenever possible. For $5-$10 I can get a huge bouquet of daisies or alstromeria that will last me a week and it's definitely worth every penny.





Let's continue the tour, shall we?

I have an embarassing affection for white christmas lights. I put them up for the holiday and NEVER take them down. I've persuaded Adam that we should get a ficus tree, and relegate all the lights to it so as to do away with the college dorm feel the lights lend to the living room

I can't help myself..flattering lighting is a guilty pleasure of mine

These are some fun mexican lantern lights I found at Marshall's a few years ago. They work well in the kitchen. Even with no other lights on they cast a smooth red light over the room that is so romantic and fun to eat under.


And I don't know if you know this about me but, well. I have a thing for roosters in the kitchen.

I like them

Very much

A lot.

Yeah.

And while I have the camera out I may as well snap some pictures of my kids

Here are my favorites, all lined up and looking pretty as usual. There are countless others strewn in various closets..but these babies get the most of mama's attention. Oh and please take note of the duck bill whistle to be used to quacking at Duck Tour buses in Boston.

So there you have it..my place! Not the biggest place, or the nicest place..but I have definitely made it home and truth be told when we move this summer I will miss it*.

*sike!

Epiphany at the Whole Foods Fish Counter

This past Friday I decided to undertake the task of serving fish for dinner. I had never done it before, and figured I already had a handle on the non-swimming meats..it was time to tackle the mackerel.

Or haddock, as it were.

One of my co-workers insisted that I would not find fresher fish anywhere other than Whole Foods, so to Whole Foods I went (and my virgin voyage at that!). When I walked into the store, I was instantly overwhelmed. Stacks of organic carrots and green veggies taller than I am, mounds of apples and oranges, not to mention the platform upon platform of fresh flowers. What's a gal used to brown broccoli and bruised pears to do?

After wandering blindly amongst the root vegetables for a while, I stumbled across the fish counter and instantly set about picking my prey. The thing was, everything had scales still on it except the cod..and I didn't really want cod. But, I was resigned NOT to have to debone or descale anything, so I began to order me a pound of cod.

But then I figured, why not show what a fish moron I am and maybe this nice lady behind the counter can help me.

So when my turn came I told her "Listen, I am kind of new to fish so forgive me if this sounds stupid but is the cod the only thing that comes without scales?"

The lady, looking bemused but surprisingly not condescending, said to me "Of course not, honey! You pick whatever you want and I will take off the skin for you!"

"Really? Can I get a pound of haddock? I mean can you even bake haddock?"

"Honey let me tell you how you can bake haddock...are you cooking this tonight?" I nodded. And she proceeded to give me an easy, no frills but delicious recipe for a nice breaded and baked haddock dinner. AND she took the skin off (it was not scales after all, as she explained quite nicely). And she cut it into two filets for me.

So, my point is this. So often people are are afraid of sounding stupid. At least I know I am. I get so caught up with wanting to seem like I know what I am doing that I don't learn anything and in the end I actually know nothing. I mean I could have just gotten the cod instead of exposing my fish naivete to the greater Newton fish buying population....but I went ahead and asked my silly questions and I ended up having a fabulous meal that night, and next time I go to the fish counter I will know what's up.

What giving $50 to the John Kerry for President campaign in 2004 gets you in 2006:

A Holiday card a month too late.

Ehh, if he couldn't win the election, I suppose it was the least he could do.

I will never understand people who call my office (or any office, for that matter) at 4:48PM on Fridays and want to actually talk/do business.

Don't they know we start drinking at 3?

If you don't already ready McSweeney's lists, you have been missing out on hilarity like this

Things My Girlfriend Did Not Say After I Told Her That I Sometimes Feel Stuck.

- - - -
"Maybe you should see other people to remind yourself of why you are with me."
"Good point."
"Would it help if you took up drinking again?"
"Just stop doing the laundry and washing the dishes all the time and you'll feel better."
"What you need is a break from that 35-hour-a-week job you keep having to get up by 6 in the evening for; we can just live on my teacher's salary."

and this


Dr. Phil's Inventions.

Talking about stuff
Smiling through your tears
Not beating your kids
Going to the doctor when you have cancer
Taking a good look in the mirror
Christianity

But don't worry, you can catch up.

(My secret dream is to submit my own list and have them publish it...but it is VERY hard to be creative under pressure...even if that pressure is self inflicted!)

Today we discuss condoms.

I was in CVS yesterday evening, picking up some chapstick because I don't know if you know this but there are chapstick/lip gloss elves around these parts who steal my chapstick/lip gloss within the first 24 hours of my buying it. I can see no other reason why these things dissapear so quickly. I am constantly buying lip stuff. It's out of hand.

So iI wander over to the prescription counter because I figure while I am here I will refill my birth control for the month. I speak to the pharmacist and she tells me it will be about 10 minutes. Fine. Might as well peruse the medicine aisles for what's new and exciting in the world of antacids.

And then I saw them. Two teenage girls sort of lingering in the aisle. They were whispering and giggling and looking wholly embarrassed and nervous at the same time. For a moment I thought they were stealing....but then I saw what product they were giggling over.

Condoms.

Do you remember the first time you had to buy these? I was 17 years old and my friend Jenn and I had reached a point in our lives where this kind of shopping excursion had to be undertaken. She picked me up at my house after dinner one night, and we to the CVS down the street to my house. Once we pulled into the parking lot, all my calm cool collectedness surrounding this excursion dissolved. "I can't do this! Someone will SEE ME! I KNOW people who go here! My MOTHER shops here". So we left that CVS and headed to one on the other side of town. This time we actually made it into the store before we noticed it was only teenage boys working the counter so Oh Hell No.

We then realized that there was no way we could purchase condoms in the town we lived in. It was too mortifying. So we went to where all South Shore people go when they have to do something seedy/shameful.

Brockton.

There, in some shady Store 24 with an old lady who did not speak English working the counter, we bought condoms for the first time. Actually we ran in, picked them up without even looking at them, paid and RAN out to the car where we collapsed in relief that the deal was done.

So when I saw those girls, in the aisle at CVS. I didn't think they were silly, instead I felt kind of bad for them. Because if they were this nervous about buying condoms then I would assume it has to be their first time. And I think we can all agree that what they are in for is far more painful and embarrasing than buying condoms at a local pharmacy.

Ah, to be young again.

Do I, or do I not need this in my living room?

I think i do.

(for those of you not in the know, my boyfriend's last name is Meuse. and I enjoy wearing a cape while sipping a beer from time to time, thus the perfect poster to may homage to us both)

Sometimes, I admit, I let the man get me down.

Last night I got home from work and I had had such "a day" that I let spew forth a veritable litany of complaint after complaint after complaint the minute I walked through my door, pausing only to take a sip of my whiskey & diet coke before assailing Adam more with complaints about my job, my direction in life, etc...

And Adam, it turns out, had also had a day and he too complained and our complaints grew so loud and so big that I swear even our neighbors down the street know now how I feel about not having stock options and that Adam hates his boss.

And you know, when you get like this there is really only one thing you can do. One thing that will really make you feel like there's hope.

(Besides keeping the whiskey&dietcokes flowing)

And that is:


Watching Office Space

Is there a movie out there that better captures what it's really like? I think not.



Bob: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter:Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob

If only these were things one could say in real life and get away with. But at least everytime I see it I feel better, and a little more calm, and a little more able to laugh at the ridiculousness of office life sometimes.

Because let's be honest. Work (in general) is a fuck.

The Golden Globes, Haiku Style




I support tall gals
But, I am sorry Geena-
Atia was robbed

Oh Evangeline!
We wear our nightgowns to bed,
And not to the Globes.

Larry David wins!
Just kidding, Steve Carell did
I was just hoping....

Dear Reese and Ryan,
Please don't pull a Nick and Jess
I could not take it.

A golden globe win.
Detective Green as her date.
Go S. Epatha!!

I bet Jason Lee
Pushed hard for a biker 'stache
On My Name is Earl

Penelope Cruz
Why does your English still suck?
Assimilate, girl!

SJP in black.
SATC girls still rule.
Miranda looks great!!

Dear Downstairs Neighbor,

It is 8:50AM. Everyone else in the building has gone to work, as evident by the lack of cars in the parking lot. I, like a normal not-going-to-work person ,am in my PJs sipping coffee and am about to leaf through the most current issue of Lucky and maybe give myself a pedicure.

You, on the other hand, are evidently having a techno dance party.

Here is my problem with this: 1) it's not normal to have enough energy to dance first thing in the morning and 2) the bass is so loud that it's shaking the water in my fish tank and 3) it's TECHNO. I am not 19, covering myself in body glitter and getting ready to go clubbing at Metropolis..now is not the time!!

I am giving you five minutes, and then I am coming down there, in all my leopard bathrobe and morning Medusa hair glory to tell you, in the nicest terms, to cut the shit.

See ya soon!

<3 The girl whose boyfriend took your laundry out of the washing machine because you left it in there too long and it made you REAL mad.

Today marks the end of one of the shoppingest weekends I have had in a long time.

And is it me or do you spend the most money when you have no intention of spending any at all? I also think I have MUCH better luck finding things I actually like when there is no pressure to find any such thing. Like when I actually go "dress shopping "I never find anything. But if I just go "shopping" than I luck out left and right.

Saturday, Adam headed off to a hockey game (which I did not attend since I attended SO MANY baseball and hockey games in our first year and a half of dating that I consider myself exempt for at least another year or so) anyway I did not have any concrete plans to spend my day so after 1 hour of flipping channels, picking through magazines, painting my nails, I called up my mom and 10 minutes later we were off on our shopping excursion. We went to the Talbot's outlet where I bought a green topaz ring, black peep toe pumps, and no less than three dresses, two of which are LBDs because am I wrong or can you never have enough Little Black Dresses? I also came to grips with the fact that the more my social calender is filled, the more clothes I buy. Instead of doing what I usually do, and cruising the aisles thinking "Ok, I really need a red v-neck" I instead cruise around thinking "Ok, i need something for dinner at Stella next week, and something for Valentine's Day, and something or that dinner party with my parents" because God forbid I wear something I own. That would neccesitate actually looking through my closet which to be honest is in such a state right now I may just seal it off and start over.

Anyway, we spend the remainder of the day split between Homegoods, Building 19 and the Christmas Tree shops. So of course I came home with the most random assortment of spices, socks, a hanging plant, a shower liner and bread mixes and fish food. Oh and candle holders.

And yesterday Adam and I went mattress shopping and while we could not agree on a mattress we did order a new coffee table, two new end tables and lamp. Because I love these tables to much, of COURSE there is no picture of them on line. But they are so elegant: Removeable glass top, wrought iron, and a shelf about 2.5 feet below the glass top made out of slate. I love them so much I am debating throwing a cocktail party in their honor. That's probably a little weird.

Anyway, I have today off and I actually can't do anymore shopping because someone broke the lock in the front AND back door of my apartment building, so if I leave I may not be able to get back in so until my landlord deigns to send someone over, it's just me and Sex and the City season 4.

So at least if I can't go shopping myself I can watch a show about other people shopping.

Sometimes, for me, the line between what is happening in real life and what is happening on TV becomes blurred.

For instance, yesterday I spent the better part of the afternoon/evening watching The Sopranos Season Three. In one episode, Christopha and Paulie are lost in the woods of South Jersey after trying to kill this enourmous Russian man who won't die, and Christopha keeps looking for/asking for a lighter for his cigarette. So a few minutes later I put the show on pause and go into the kitchen to refill my water and I see my purple lighter on the kitchen table and I think "Oh DUR there it is!" and I was so relieved. And then when I return to the couch, it occured to me that it wasn't me who was looking for the lighter.

This is not an isolated incident.

In fact my earliest memory of this happening was when i was 12 years old I was convinced that that restaurant scene in Pretty Woman, where the escargot flies off her plate and the waiter catches it and says "Happens all the time" happened to me. I even told my cousin about it and he was like "That sounds really familiar". And then it dawned on me... Julia Roberts + I = Not The Same.

I don't know what it all means, but hopefully it does not mean i watch too much TV!

I think there should be a "Feel Like Crap" clause added to all company Sick Day policies.

This clause would allow someone who Felt Like Crap (Crap meaning lousy, but not quite lousy enough to render one incapable of going to work), to call in in the morning and say "Hey, I Feel Like Crap today" and everyone would know that translates to "I am coming in, but don't give me any work to do/talk to me. I am staying hidden away from normal, healthy people in my cubicle and no one better mess with/get chatty with me". And then maybe someone could send out a mass email to all the employees of the company to that effect, and that way I could come into work, feel like crap, and everything would work out great for everyone.

Right?

I call this one Starry, Starry Decisis



(ok, ok, i am done Alito-ing it up for now, I swear)

Fashion Dos and Donts at Samuel Alito's SJC Confirmation Hearings



Sam, I like this ensemble. Very political. Red power tie says "I am in control" but the blue oxford still says "man of the people". I will say that when I get confirmed in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee, I usually try to look a little less constipated but hey, that is me. Overall, good job.

Now let's take a step back



WTF?

The woman behind him (who may or may not be his twin sister) is in dire need of some assistance. Bright Screaming Aqua is a color for a glo stick, not a sweater. And is that a blue paper bag that has exploded along her neckline? This is the Senate, lady! Not Mardi Gras! Let's tone down the colors and lose the ruffles.

Word to The Wise, 2nd Edition

When complaining to a coworker that someone has stolen your "good pen"...do not offer up the tidbit of information that you yourself stole the pen initially and that is how it came to be in your possession. Because then not only will no one feel bad for you, but you will become the recipient of the tritest of trite phrases "what goes around comes around!".

Just because I may have stolen a pen...does that give someone the right to steal it from me?

I think not

Everyone needs a little cuteness in the morning.

This is Bodhi, my parents' dog.

When he gets excited (like when I come to visit) he chews on his tags and it is ADORABLE.

And the fun news is that in a few years when I am ready to have a dog of my own, his sister Violet will be having puppies. If you recall, Bodhi is the nephew of the dog my family had when I was growing up, Pogo.

The legacy of Pogo continues!!

(that's all for now, more after coffee)

Mr Galliano, I have an idea for your next collection

May I present the Dior Bib? Part of the Soon to be Announced (hopefully) Spring 2007 Adult Bib Collection

I am serious here. I can no longer deny the fact that I need to wear one, and I think I would feel distinctly less odd if it were a "designer" bib than if I just cruised the Baby Aisle at Shaws until something caught my eye (and fit around my neck).

So yes, John? Please get on this.

And until he gets this memo, note to self: tomato soup + baby blue button down = you looking like you ate some kind of animal alive on your lunch break.

A Treatise on Reading Directions
(alternative title: Why philosophy does not have a line of "Pasta Sauce" scented haircare)

So lately I am really into maintaining healthy hair. It's getting pretty long now, and when hair like mine gets long, you better believe that it is dry. In fact, i will flat out tell you my hair is TIRED. i blow it out all the time, take a curling iron to it with a vengance, and use a variety of hair product to smooth, straighten, volumnize, wave, torture, etc. So, it needs as much help as it can get.

I read online about a home remedy for dry hair. First of all, i should say I got it on a website called PioneerLiving.com and I don't remember ever reading about how the pioneers had such fabulous 'dos. I mean riding in a wagon and dealing with Apache attacks is enough to make a gal forget the moisture-level of her hair. I know this. I watched 3 episodes of "Into the West".

Anyway, the home remedy was pretty straight forward: heat 1/2 cup olive oil and 1 tablespoon rosemary until warm. Apply to dry hair and let set for 20 minutes.

Fine, Simple. So I fixed up my homemade hot oil treatment and applied. 25 minutes I am in the shower, rinsing, washing, conditioning and I have to say my hair did feel a little nicer. So later on I go to blow dry my hair and these pieces of idontknowwhat keep ccoming out of my hair as I brush it. I looked down at a few of the idontknowwhats and picked a few up. It was rosemary! The little dried pieces of it had basically stuck to my scalp like fragrant dandruff.

(ew, i know)

So i consult my recipe again to see if I left something out, and of course, there, plain as day in between "heat oil and rosemary" and "apply to hair" is "strain rosemary out from oil after heated.

D'oh!

So two more vigorous shampoos and a deep conditioning later I am back to square one over here. And feeling that a trip to the haircare aisle at CVS is in my very near future. And perhaps from now on, one ought not to look to the pioneers for beauty tips.

When I came into work this morning, neither Myspace nor Blogger nor Gmail were working.

It was the most bereft 10 minutes of my life.

Anywho. What I meant to talk about was this:

The Coffee Conundrum

Why is it that iced coffee makes me feel less awake than hot coffee but makes me pee a lot more than hot coffee? Is there some kind of correlation between being tired and peeing a lot? Or being really awake and wired and not peeing at all?

Someone explain this to me.

I have this weird thing with repeptive noises and that thing is i can't STAND it. Hearing the same sound, at the same pace, over and over and over tends to drive me batty.

For instance, Adam was in a men's baseball leauge and when the season first started, he would sit on the couch in the living room and throw baseball into his mitt over and over and over again to "break it in". And I remember being in the kitchen and hearing "thwap...thwap...thwap...thwap" and being like "Hey can you go outside and do that?" and he being like "I'm almost done, this will just take 5 minutes" and then "thwap..thwap..thwap..thwap" and after a minute I came tearing out the kitchen like "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO OUTSIDE BEFORE I TAKE THAT BALL AND BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH IT".

So yeah, foot tapping, finger drumming? Don't do that shit around me unless you want a pen in your eardrum.

Anyway, it turns out that my hatred of repetive noises extends to a newly discovered hatred of people who repeat the same thing over and over and over again. Especially if this phrase or topic that is constantly repeated is a complaint. Especially if that complaint is about something as banal as coffee filters.

Allow me to continue.

A certain gentleman in my office is obssesed with correct coffee maker usage. And as someone who sits within earshot of said coffeemaker, I must hear things like "I saw you put in 6 scoops, it acually takes FIVE scoops!" and "The seam of the filter must line up with THAT line in the holder" and so on. And it's not like he says once in a while..it's EVERY BLINKING DAY !

I just want to tell him "You know what, sometimes people want their coffee a little stronger than your 5 scoop allowance. And sometimes maybe I want to blow off some steam and go nuts with the coffee filter seams. These are my prerogatives!"

And just now, I was scrambling to finish a project due at 2:30 and I hear "I keep telling you, FIVE SCOOPS!" from the break room and I swear never in my life have i wished more that I had a superpower, like the ability to shoot Gozer-esque lasers out of my hands because you better believe I would have pointed right at him and said "I LIKE IT STROOOONG" as my lasers fired away.

Also: I have PMS

One of the laments of my life is that I cannot speak intelligently "on the spot". Unless the subject matter happens to fall in various, specific areas such as "The Shoe Section on Saks.com" or "Boxed Wines of the World" or "Republican-Bashing" etc. And even then it is very hit or miss depending on the level of alcohol I have consumed/my interest in engaging in conversation with the opposing party.

In any case, this holds EXCEPTIONALLY true with people whom I am trying to impress at work. And in each instance I KNOW what to say. I truly have explicit and eloquent thoughts in mind, I just can't quite utter them coherently.

Proof?

Just now I was talking to a client and he asked me what I studied in college

Me: English..hence I'm sitting at a reception desk (hiyooo!)
Him: English is a great subject to study..there is a lot you can do with it
Me: Yeah I suppose. It's a great background if you plan on applying to grad school
Him: Oh are you getting your Masters?"
Me: Maybe someday.
Him: What are you interested in?
Me: Well, I have been looking into Criminal Justice programs lately
Him: Really? What made you interested in that?
Me: (what i should have said) Well, I'm interested specifically in victim advocacy becauseI would like to work people in a less administrative capacity, and I think this would be a good area for someone like me who is interested in studying criminality/the justice system to get involved in
(what i DID say):Um, well, I watch a lot of Law & Order hee hee heeeeeeee!

You can see know what this bodes in the event I have to attend an admissions interview.

Admission Counselour: "Why do you want to attend graduate studies at Suffolk?"
Me: "Ummm I like the Beantown Pub!"

The best thing I have come across today in my internet travels





I can't believe it either!

And in case you were wondering "These aren't your dollar store T-Shirts here, these are 100% cotton and thicker than your girlfriend's weave."

I love Pimpdaddy.com

I have discovered blended whiskey.

Specifically, canadian blended whiskey.

More specifically, Canadian Mist.



I bought a bottle of this fine alcohol for Adam kind of as a gag for Christmas (he likes whiskey and looooves being French Canadian). So I thought it could be like the best of both worlds.

Little did I know that I would love it.

And I am not really a whiskey girl. I mean there was a time in my sordid youth where my signature drink was a scotch on the rocks not so much because I enjoyed the mellow smoothness but because it got the job done. fast. But in general I am a strictly gin martini or gin & tonic or Tom Collins (thanks Chris!) kind of gal.

And then this funny shaped plastic bottle of blended Canadian goodness waltzed into my life and into my highball glass.

I have discovered thus far that

1) It is really good with ginger ale either mixed in or as a chaser
2) To make a Mist Sour, combine 2 oz of the whiskey, juice of 1/2 lemon, 1 teaspoon powdered sugar. Shake with ice and pour into glass. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

I admit, my adventures in Mist Sour making went, well, sour, when i used instead of 1/2 lemon , a 1/4 of an old nasty lemon and instead of 1 teaspoon of powdered sugar, i just used regular old granulated sugar. Learn from my mistakes. Old fruit and clumpy sugar does not a cocktail make.

Anyway, I am of the impression that Canadian Mist is not the classiest of liquors. But sometimes a girl doesn't need class. Sometimes, what a girl needs is a stiff drink in a pretty glass.

And that girl is me.

Jenny made this lovely montage which I think pretty much sums up my New Years Eve night.

Adam and I met up with Jenny, and a bunch of other fabulous people at Desiree and Anthony's swanky manse to ring in the New Year in the only way we know how : dressed to the nines and champagne-mad. Highlights from the night include: a Midnight Mariah singalong for two, Danielle's uhhmazing strawberry mojitos, an extra special man on man lap dance starring our very own Adam, and assorted other debaucherous (but essentially clean) fun that made me truly believe that 2006 will be the best year yet!

And so far I am doing great with my resolutions! (Yes, I know it's only day three but this is the girl who gave up vegetarianism with a Big Mac. When I fall from grace, I hit with a THUD). But so far so good. If you will recall I reolved to 1) Drink More Tea, 2) Engage in more written correspondence (like "thank you" and "thinking of you" cards) and 3) Be less of a screener and pick up the damn phone once in a while.

And since Jan1, I have drank green tea twice. And today I bought some cute embossed thank you cards, and although I confess i DID screen a phone call today it's because I was watching the Sopranos and Comcast was being bitter and "stopping" when i pressed "pause" and then not allowing me to "resume" where I left off. So, I was not truly screening.

So, it doesn't count.