The Heat is On in Tampon*

Ever since school let out for the summer my morning commute has been a joy.

I can sleep until the decadent hour of 7:10AM (!!). I can leisurely get ready for my day. And the roads are pretty empty. I actually make it over the Neponset bridge in under 3 minutes. Can you IMAGINE? SO yes, summer commuting and the livin’ is easy.

Yesterday I was on my way to work and engaging in one of my new favorite hobbies, itching a bug bite. (Why is it that there can be what feels like NO mosquitoes in the air but the next day I wake up covered in mosquito bites. Those covert little buggers are on my last nerve). Anywho presently I feel something wet on my arm and I look down and lo, I am gushing blood from a bug bite I scratched a bit too vigorously.

Charming!

I root around with my good arm in my purse for a tissue or napkin and come up empty. Meanwhile there is a thin stream of blood snaking down my arm coming dangerously close to dripping on my dress. So I do what any girl faced with ruining a favorite summer ensemble would do, I grabbed a tampon out of my glove box (I am ALWAYS prepared), unwrapped it, and use that to staunch. What? It’s absorbent. It’s sterile. It worked even better than the Dunks napkin I was looking for would have. Very soon the bleeding stopped, the bite looked as good as new, and I did not look like a knife victim.

All was right in the world.

At work I got a band aid just in case and then promptly forgot about the whole incident. Especially because my Nintendo DSi arrived yesterday and it is the MOST fun. Although I was shocked and appalled to discover my Brain Age is 80 . But more about that later.

In any case I had a rude awakening when I left work later that day and upon returning to my car realized I had left the bloody tampon on my passenger seat.

GOOD LORD.

Do you know the depths of my embarrassment? Can you imagine what the casual observer must think of me? What if one of my coworkers had looked in my car and seen that? What kind of foul disgusto would they think I am?

So of course my only recourse is to tell everyone the story about how I used a tampon on my arm on my way to work and hope that if anyone saw it on my seat, they know it’s because I am a crackerjack first aid giver, and not a nasty freak.

Well not that much of one at least.



*Been listening to the Miss Saigon soundtrack a wee too much

Ghost-Leg's Revenge

Note to self:

When applying self tanner regularly, don't repeatedly forget to do your legs.

It's easy to do. Since you tend to apply it after you have showered and thrown on sweatpants and a tank top.

But heed this warning. Otherwise you end up strolling into work on a Friday in a cute dress, thinking you look good, then you catch a glimpse in the full length mirror in the bathroom and see your nicely colored face and arms and ghostly ass so white they are almost clear legs.

The Mean Sidewalks of Quincy

All I need to know about walking I learned from driving.


Maybe that should be vice versa.

But still, many of the same rules apply to each. If you’re going slow, move over and let people pass you. Likewise, Just because you’re in a hurry doesn’t mean anyone else is. Look both ways when crossing an intersection. Honk if you’re horny. Etc…

Yesterday I encountered the walking version of the crazy old lady driver.

Let me paint the picture for you.
I was towards the end of my après-work walk. I had kept up jogging pace (listening to Hex Hector remixes will do that for you) so I was looking forward to slowing it down for the last quarter mile back to my apartment. As I waited to cross a busy street, I noticed an older lady on her cell phone leisurely walking on the sidewalk I was about to cross onto. She was about 10 feet ahead of me when I crossed and I easily caught up to her since she was busy talking on the phone and walking pretty leisurely and I was Working It Out.

So I stepped out onto the road to pass her, so as not to bump into her, and went on my way. Suddenly she was off her phone and literally RIGHT behind me. I could see her shadow and out of the corner of my eye when I turned my head. I quickened my pace and still she was right behind me, as in like 2 steps away. So I slowed down and moved over figuring she for some reason had to get past me but she slowed too. It was freaking me right out.

It wasn't that she was keeping pace with me it was that she was RIGHT behind me. If I had stopped short I think she would have plowed right into me.

I started jogging and I swear she was jogging right up close behind me. I have no idea what she was trying to prove? That she could keep up with me? No shit I am like the least in shape person ever. And she was all f’ing with my pace so in the end I ended up pretty much running back to my apartment. And as I veered into my driveway I swear she slowed down and started walking again.

WTF!

Part of me was pissed off at her.

Another part of me wanted to ask her to meet me there tomorrow because believe you me I have never jogged all the way home.

Why Not a Meme?

Indeed, why not?
(seen also at Nat's, E's and Caity's)

1. What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now?
Caress Brightening Shower Gel and Suave Shower Gel for Dudes

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
I wish!

3. What would you change about your living room?
I would love one of these garden seats from Ballard Designs but I am afraid a drunk person would try and sit on it too hard and it would crack. And that drunk person would probably be me.

4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dishwasher? Pshaw! We have two dishwashers, Adam and me.

5. What is in your fridge?
Spinach, roma tomatoes, baby carrots, garlic lovers hummus, giardineira, salsa, chicken marinating in Raspberry-Pomegranate vinaigrette (for dinner tonight), soy milk, iced green tea, diet coke, sauvignon blanc, New England's Best Bloody Mary Mix, lite yogurts, and about 20 bottles of various condiments, chutneys and sauces.

6. White or wheat bread?
Whole wheat sandwich thins

7. What is on top of your refrigerator?
Radio, various CDs, wooden tray filled with takeout menus and blank greeting cards, a small Pier One wine rack.

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Green, dark orange and white tile design from Crate and Barrel.

9. How many plants are in your home?
3

10. Is your bed made right now?
Yes. I try and make it as soon as I get up. And by try I mean maybe once a week this happens.

11. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Comet! I grew up with that stuff.

12. Is your closet organized?
Ummmm no. Well things are hung up neatly but I haven't seen my closet floor in a few months. I tried to clean it out over the weekend but got discouraged when I found an old (broken) laptop and two sombreros.

13. Can you describe your flashlight?
Silver and looks like an electric razor. Hence the question asked once "Um Adam why is your electric razor on top of the fridge?"

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Glass. I don't even think we own plastic glasses. Though given how many I break we probably should.

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
I do, made from Nature's Promise Lemon Green Tea bags.

16. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
I do not have a garage but I do have a storage closet and yes it is cluttered. Hardcore.

17. Curtains or blinds?
Both. Blinds and curtains on all windows.

18. How many pillows do you sleep with?
There are 6 on the bed and I sleep with 3. Sleeping almost sitting up is cool.

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
We fall asleep with the TV on sleep timer. I have a hard time sleeping in the absolute dark and quiet.

20. How often do you vacuum?
....... That's Adam's department.

21. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Battery powered.

22. What color is your toothbrush?
White and Pink.

23. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
At the front and back door we have plain red mats...but there is a welcome SIGN on the back door.

24. What is in your oven right now?
Nothing yet.

25. Is there anything under your bed?
Yes. Luggage. Those underbed Rubbermaid totes filled with who knows what. Assorted other crap (we have bed skirts so this kind of thing is ok, right?)

26. Chore you hate doing the most?
I have most cleaning chores but I think the worst is cleaning the kitchen floor. Good god.

27. What retro items are in your home?
I've been known to hit the thrift stores so a few things. We keep our cotton balls/q tips in vintage cocktail olive/onion jars. I have some vintage cocktail glasses and serving pieces. A lot of our art is older.

28. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
It's an office / guest bedroom/ my boudoir (since that's where my closet is). Basically the apartment equivalent of an elementary school cafegymatorium.

29. How many mirrors are in your home?
3 for preening, 10 if you include our wall art

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Adam does but damned if I know where it is (probably a good thing).

31. What color are your walls?
UGH sterile rental white. I try to jazz it up as best I can though.

32. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Kentucky Justice (Adam's baseball bat)

33. What does your home smell like right now?
Lime thanks to my snazzy lime candle a'burnin' away.

34. Favorite candle scent?
I am a sucker for anything beachy/sea scented in the bedroom. I like lemony/lime/lavender in the kitchen and in the living room I like jasmine.

35. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Baby gherks!

36. What color is your favorite Bible?
No Bible up in here.Though I do have a copy of "How To Dress For Every Occasion By The Pope" thanks to Danielle!

37. Ever been on your roof?
Yikes no.

38. Do you own a stereo?
No.

39. How many TVs do you have?
2 - one in the living room and one in the bedroom. My DREAM is to have one in the kitchen but we haven't yet figured out how to have the cable work in there. Drat!

40. How many house phones?
Zero. Livin' off the grid, baby.

41. Do you have a housekeeper?
I would feel like a deadbeat having a housekeeper in our small place. Ok who am I kidding I begged Adam if we could have the service my mom uses come in and do our bathroom/the kitchen just twice a month and he was horrified. Sigh.

42. What style do you decorate in?
I'm not even sure anymore. I like classic with a punch of modern or a punch of vintage or a punch of french country, depending which room you're in.

43. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
I have never owned printed furniture but I am not at all opposed to it.

44. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
It may or may not have been unhooked because certain persons set the fire alarm off whilst cooking too often.

45. In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Besides obviously Adam, I can't think of anything? Is that bad? I don't have anything that I couldn't replace if I had to. I do have some things I would throw INTO a fire so I could justify replacing them though. Does that count?

In Which My Dreams Are WAY too Literal

Alternative Title: I Watch Way Too Much TV

Yesterday evening, I was watching a Law and Order:CI episode I had DVR'd. You know how if you "info" the episodes, they all have titles? This one was "Fico de Capo" which I later googled the meaning of (nerd) because I didn't know what it meant and it's fun to say. Fico de Capo. Fico de Capo. See?

(I guessed it meant "Son of the Captain" but apparently it's a variety of fig? Show's you how good my Italian is!).

Then later in the night I watched an episode of Top Chef: Masters.

So it is no wonder that last night I had a very epic, vivid dream in which I was disqualified from Top Chef because I did not provide a caponata course. And then I spent the rest of the dream trying to figure out if I could make a caponata out of pickles since that is all I had.

I know some people like to find hidden meaning in dreams.....but mine are alwas so literal it's almost sad. I dream about my teeth falling out why? Because I grind my teeth hardcore at night. I dream about a a thunderstorm why? Because it's thundering super loud outside as I sleep.

Ridic.

Who's on Fourth?

Here I sit, sipping an iced coffee and making my food shopping list for the weekend.

Question of the morning: Why can't I make decent iced coffee at home? I have tried several times and it always just tastes...off... But alas caffeine is caffeine, oui?

My work is closed on Friday for the holiday and since I have Thursdays off anyway, I have a little inadvertent four-day weekend. Woo!

I have an abominable list of errands to run today (glad I saved them all for a day filled with thunderstorms) that include food shopping, a CVS run, stopping at both of our banks, a TJ Maxx pop-in and probably an epic load or two of laundry. Then Adam and I are off to New Hampshire for a long weekend of sipping Margaritas and sunning by the Suncook River.

HA! Or in this case probably drinking wine inside and silently withering away from a Vitamin D deficiency but such is life lately!

My ultimate plan, rain or not, is to grill as much as possible (this is what ponchos are for!). I went hunting yesterday for some new burger recipes to try out and have settled on Food and Wine's Turkey Burger with Smoked Gouda and The Boston Globe's Grilled Cubano Burger.

(img from FoodandWine.com)

We are normally turkey burger eaters in this house anyway but I haven't made them on the grill in forever AND as for the cubano burger? Sounds delicioso. We're also going to hit a fantastic farmer's stand we know of in NH on the way up and buy a ton of veggies to throw on the grill as well.

Basically anything remotely edible is going on the grill this weekend.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe Fourth!!

(get the recipe for this drink here)

Virtual Beach Party!

Ok i am 'bout sick of this.

I have a sweater on.

I have my space heater on.

I have goosebumps on my arms because I am still chilly.

IT'S JULY, PEOPLE!

We have yet to have one decent beach day (on a weekend at least) and I think in total there have only been a handful or less of days where wearing a sundress or some other summery attire was possible. Even mist on tanning has fallen to the wayside because it has been so muggy and rainy that any kind of mist on tan basically melts off before it gets a chance to "set".

(Wicked hot, I know).

So I am pale and grumpy over here and what's a gal to do? I decided to throw on my swimsuit have a little virtual beach party over here.

So here we are at my favorite beach, Horseneck Beach in Westport, MA


Ahhhhhh.


I have with me my trusty tote (a gift from the fabulous Nicole).

I filled it with the must have essentials for a day at the beach:

* A beach read: preferably something thrilling or trashy. In this case it is our Book Club's selection for the month of July


And then since I am no fool, my trusty sunblock: Coppertone Sport Continuous Spray. I know it's not glamorous or a particularly trendy brand BUT it really holds up to repeated dunks in the ocean and the smell reminds me of summer.

And of course those of us that rock wavy-salt induced fro's can not attend a beach gathering without some kind of hair product handy! My go-to is Fructis sleek and shine pomade. Works wonderfully, smells fantastic, and cheap to boot.

And one wants to keep hydrated and because I am a sucker for good marketing/packaging I always throw in a large bottle of good ol' Fiji water

I also throw in some hair elastics (a necessity!), hand lotion (Bath and Body Works Coconut Lime), lip gloss (SPF 15 of course!)and a snack (usually a little bag of almonds).

Ok now let's see, I will need to have a darling beach cover up. I am partial to using Old Navy's sun dresses as coverups because 1) they are cute and transition nicely from the beach to out to lunch and since they are like $15-20 each you can stock up!

And then one wants some kind of footwear that also transitions (NB: I canNOT wear flip flops to the beach. The sand gets in between my toes where the thong is and I hate that feeling). I think a cute silver flat sandal is just more up my alley. I bought a super cute pair at TJ Maxx (shocking) last year and they are my go to beach sandal. I am also eying these because they are gorgeous.

And last but not least, a lush towel to lay out on.

This is a virtual beach party so please allow for and excuse my $500 towel.

Ahhhh now that is exactly what I needed. Now if you will excuse me I have some virtual sun to soak up but please feel free to tell me what you would bring on your virtual beach day. If it involves a pitcher of mojitos, so much the better since I am a bit parched.

Lobster and Closure

We both noticed the sign pop up down the street on Thursday. “FRESH LOBSTERS OFF THE BOAT, SATURDAY 12-5PM”. Adam’s ears perked up if he had a tail it would have been wagging “Can we get lobster this weekend? Can we?”.

I hesitated. I had never had lobster as an adult. In fact the last time I had lobster I was 9 years old and it was a traumatic enough of an event that it kept me off those crustacean for the past, oh, 20 years.

We were on a family vacation in Maine. When the topic of having lobster for dinner came up I was excited, as I had heard much about it but had never tried it before. We all went off to the lobster pound to pick out our dinner and I think the whole idea of “this thing I am picking out is going to be killed and then I am going to eat it” went over my head. In some way I didn’t reconcile that the lobster I had picked out, and was already kind of thinking of as a pet, was what I would be eating a few hours later. It freaked me right out. The adults assuaged me though. The lobsters don’t feel any pain. This is their destiny. You eat chickens and they were once alive too. All of it made sense so eventually I was like, Ok, I will eat this lobster. SO the guys built a kind of pit on the beach, lined with corn husks and involving bricks and soon the time had come to throw the lobsters in and while I didn’t watch it happen, I was resolved that I was ok with it. Until the screaming started.

A distinct screaming sound was coming from the pit where the lobsters were cooking. And so I screamed as well. My god they were being burned alive and screaming in agony!!

It turns out, this was just the steam passing through their shells and they had in fact, been dead for minutes at that point. But still. To my fragile 9 year old mind, me! A person so sensitive at the time that I would find myself wholly concerned with questions like “Who will do the Perdue commercials when Frank Perdue dies?”, I flipped out and was sufficiently freaked out enough as to not eat my lobster that night nor ever again.

Until this weekend though!

We walked down to the boat on Saturday morning, bought two lobsters and I thought, it is too long to hold onto those tainted lobster memories. I was resolved as long as it was not I who had to boil them, I would eat mine. So Adam set to task that night and I am happy to report there were no screams (from me OR the lobsters), and they were actually quite good!



I am glad that this, one of my last food-related bugaboos, has been exorcised!! Even if it did take 20 years.

Pretty Much The Best Idea Ever

Rollasoles!

(img from the bbc)

You've been out for a few hours. And those extremely cute four-inch stiletto heels were a good idea at the time but now your feet are killing you. But who wants to walk around barefoot at most of these places? You could step on something, or in something, or get yelled at by a surly security guard because The State Room doesn't allow bare feet in their ballroom and then you get yelled at again when you are sitting at your table and who cares if you are barefoot at your own table? Not that that happened to me. I'm just saying

So what could be better, in these cases, than coming across a vending machine that dispenses super cute rolled up ballet flats that come with a little bag to put the shoes you are changing out of into. All for around $8???

I cannot even tell you how many crappy flip flops I own due to circumstances in which I can no longer wear the high heels I wanted to wear so I pop into CVS or Walgreens to get some kind of relief in the form of $5 floppies.

And look how cute!

(img from notcouture.com)

And after you buy a pair you can roll 'em up and throw them in your handbag for next time the Ill Advised Shoe fairy strikes.

Now if only we can get some kind of disposable pashmina vending machine going for those nights when you're a little chilly that way you don't have to spend $45 on a "MAINE" sweatshirt in Portland because it's freezing and that's the only thing available for purchase at 10PM on a Thursday.

Right?

One Woman's Trash Is Another Woman's Culinary Masterpiece

One of my fave things is throwing together meals based on Leftover Crap I Should Really Use Already. Even if the Leftover Crap is maybe not something I would normally eat but it’s a shame to waste it.

Enter, canned asparagus.

Is there a bigger abomination? It doesn’t taste even mildly like asparagus. It’s as mushy as lunchroom green beans and it doesn’t even make your pee smell weird. That right there is a sign that whatever is in that can is barely asparagus.

But I had a can of it in my cupboard (I bought it on a whim, not knowing the atrocity that lay inside but the actual FRESH asparagus at the market that day were the width of my pinky finger and rapidly turning brown so I figured, what the hey?)

Also, I am LOATHE to throw anything out. If I bought it, I am doing something with it believe you me. I have even started following Jacques Pepin’s lead and freezing all my leftover veggies (broccoli stalks, celery ends, unused asparagus ends) in a large baggie in my freezer to use to make a fabulous stock someday. Really these days who can afford to throw anything away?

SO I took that can of Not Asparagus, and threw it in a pan with some olive oil, added a small jar of marinated artichokes, some chopped up leftover onion, a few garlic gloves, an about to go bad zucchini and, for kicks, a can of drained chick peas.

I cooked it all over medium heat for about 10 minutes and then tossed it with some whole wheat linguine and shredded parmesan cheese.

It was, in a word, DELICIOUS. All the different textures and tastes were fab. Adam raved about it too though the recipe included his foe, the chick pea (yet he likes hummus!). In any case, I was psyched!

Maybe someday I will compile a cookbook. Something called "Dishes I made Out Of Things I Was Going To Throw Out". Sounds appetizing, oui? What would you contribute?