What Happens When You Get Dressed In The Dark

You wear two different earrings to work!



Please note: I have also done the same thing with socks. More than once.

Also, in seventh grade I intentionally wore two different shoes to school because I thought it looked "cool" ...but instead the teacher took me out of class to ask me if I was having trouble at home.

I = awesome.

Out of the Closet

There is something you may not know about me, if you don't know me very well.

Even if you DO know me very well, I keep this part of myself well hidden so even you may find it surprising.

I. Am.......A Sap.

A closeted sap, but a sap nonetheless. And my sappiness is not based on reality - but on books and films. My literary and cinematic experiences have shaped my sappiness throughout the years and have made me the somewhat closeted sap I am today.

Exhibit A. I cry at movies and actually LIKE crying at movies. Sometimes I will purposefully watch a movie that I know will make me cry just because I am in the mood to cry at a movie. These movies include, but are not limited to:

1) Terms of Endearment

2) Legends of the Fall

3) The Notebook

4) Steel Magnolias

If you had known me in 8th grade, I would have told you that I thought Rod Stewart's "Who Else is Going To Bring you a Broken Arrow" is the most romantic song on earth. Seriously. Because, to my 13 year old mine, who else WAS going to bring me a bottle arrow or a bottle of rain? These are clearly very romantic items. And clearly only my soul mate would bring them to me!! I still chuckle when I hear that song now.

Then I watched the movie, Only You, in 9th grade and it had a profound effect on me. It's a not very good movie starring Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr and Bonnie Hunt. Marisa's character is about to get married to a nice dentist when she gets a call from a friend of her brother's Damon Bradley, wishing her good luck on her marriage since he can't make the wedding. She has a flashback to being young and going to a fortune teller who told her she was going to marry a Damon Bradley and thus begins a trek to Italy, with Bonnie Hunt in tow, to find this man she is destined to be with, along the way she meets Robert Downey Jr who falls in love with her and pretends to be Damon Bradley and then when she finds out the truth it's dramatic and in the end she is in love with Robert Downey Jr and they end up together. Um, definitely thought this was the most romantic movie ever made and with that I set out looking for my soulmate.

(img from here)

And going to tarot card readings.

Then senior year in high school, I read Wuthering Heights and that is when I learned love isn't true unless it's TRAGIC! Nothing can be romantic unless someone's soul is crushed. So I set about finding a tragic romance of my own which I succeeded greatly in (are any high school relationships NOT tragic in some way?).

(img from here)

As I segued into college this mindset continued and I definitely wasn't interested in any guy unless he was terrible (in a romantic way of course!) in some way. And while a drug dealer from Providence is not exactly Heathcliff pining on the moors, it was what it was.

As time went on, and I got older, after a particularly embarrassing relationship with a faux Heathcliff, I decided enough was enough and I didn't know what romance was and clearly had no idea what a good man was so I would take myself out of the game for a while and focus on my friends. So we spent a few years clubbing and dancing and being crazy and having fun.

And then one night I met a NICE man who was easy to talk to and not terrible in anyway and I knew immediately I liked him very much and guess what, six years later here we still are.

Not that Adam is not a romantic, when we first started dating he wooed my socks off with dinners out and jewelry and flowers and surprises! But my ideas of what is romantic changed as I got older. Him picking up a bottle of wine he knows I like randomly on his way home and surprising me with it. Him doing all the dishes without me asking so when I come home thinking there is a sink of dishes, there is none. Him watching Law and Order with me, even though I know he isn't super into it, and actually acting like he's into it. These are little things but they make me feel my life is filled with romance. More so than any jewelry or flowers could.

And then in book club, last January, we read Wuthering Heights again and MAN did I feel totally different about it. It's not a love story! Heathcliff is a total asshole who ruins the lives of everyone around him because he has a chip on his shoulder! He SHOULD be trolling the moors, in pain. It's funny how 10 years can give you a totally new perspective on a classic. It was quite eye opening!

So what triggered this whole blog post is I finally saw the movie Twilight and I freaking LOVED it. And I did not expect to at all. I have not read the books. Most of the people I know who saw it did not like it/hated it. But I? Freaking Loved It. It has everything I loved about sappy movies with vampires thrown in. When Edward says to Bella "I don't have the strength to stay away from you" I literally sighed out loud. I'm almost 30, people!

(img from here)

I don't care though. Once a sap, always a sap and while your definition of romance might change there will always be a 12 year old inside of me who thinks a bottle of rain IS super romantic. or, you know, a desperate love story between a teenage girl and a vampire. Check back with me in another 10 years though, you never know!

(img from here)

Pink Shoe Guide to Auto Mechanics: Lesson #1

The below item is not actually called "That Wand Thing That Turns on Your Blinker"...

....it's called an Actuator!

I learned this lesson last night at Monroe Muffler on the Southern Artery on Quincy where all my automotive needs are taken care of, my dumb questions answered, and I am never scoffed at for being the one of the least car-savvy person on earth.

I also love that they get that I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on my car. It's a Honda, in good shape, and of course I want to maintain her. But they are good at printing out what tuneupI am due for, and then picking out the things I REALLY need to get done, and the things that could wait. Love that.

Further proof that these guys rule? They told me I would need new brake pads soon (boo!) but since I had purchased them originally at Monroe two years ago, and their brake pads have a lifetime guarantee, they would be free! How cool is that? I would never even have thought to ask.

This is a far cry from my dealings with the dealership, where I took my car when I first bought her. A place where you are browbeaten into spending the most money possible and berated when you just want the "basic " oil change and not all the bells and whistles. I drive an '04 Civic. Why should my oil change cost $60? I seriously had PTSD about going to the mechanic after my dealings with that place. Yikes.

But now I feel better. I have a place where I have no qualms about calling them up with a query like "A light went off on my dashboard that looks like a robot head, what do I do?"

When Your List Fails You! A Moment of Truth Lifetime Movie

I know I waxed poetic yesterday about my commendable (and ever so slightly manic) list making skills but I forgot to address a very serious topic - when your list FAILS you.

This can happen in certain circumstances including but definitely not limited to the following:

1) You are drunk when you make the list

2) You leave the list at home

3) You are very distracted while shopping and just plain miss things on the list and only realize it when you are in line and at that point, glancing at the 3 people behind you and the other super long lines you dejectedly decide it's not even worth it even if it appears all you did is buy a bunch of snacks and way too many clementines (but really can you have too many clementines?).

Clearly I suffered scenario #3 last night.

I entered the grocery store with my mind on my list and my list in my hand, methodically working my way through the produce (where the bulk of the items on my list were).

At the clementine display I spent a few minutes shifting through the little crates because last time I bought clementines here the top layer of fruit was good but most of the others were way too soft and kind of gross. I was determined to get my $4.97 worth.

Another woman started rifling through the clementine crates as well and I took it upon myself to mention to her my debacle last week and how the ones on top were great but the bottom ones were all too soft and SHE told me last week hers were all rotten. Times are tough, people! We ended up finding 2 good crates with perfect fruit inside and I wished her luck and she said the same and I went on my way as I walked away she yelled after me "If mine are rotten, I will think of you!!" and I was like "Haha Ok! have a good night!" and a moment later she came up to me as I was perusing the peppers "What I meant to say is if mine are SOFT I will think of you, and if yours are rotten you can think of me" OK! Fine! I smiled and went along and she followed "I shouldn't have said what I will think of you if they're rotten". I'm like "Its seriously ok I knew what you meant!", after apologizing again and telling me her sincere wishes that my clementines are not soft OR rotten, I was finally able to take my leave of her.

That brings me to the potato display where I was delighted to find the Russet Potatoes were in perfect condition. And I love me a potato!! Last week they, like the clementines, were really soft and a soft potato is just a no no. (At this point you are probably like, why is she continuing to shop at the land of poor produce when she works down the street from Russo's? I am asking myself the same thing). Anywho, another woman remarked to me how good the potatoes were and I said "I know they were so soft last week". As I said that, Clementine lady walked by and gave me a dirty look. Clearly she thinks I am cruising the produce department for friends and my pick up line is "That (insert vegetable or fruit) was soft last week!". I know Clementine lady, you thought what we had was special but I routinely strike up conversations with strangers and usually about far more mundane topics than potentially rotten fruit.

Then I am at the fish counter and the woman behind the counter engages me in a 5 minute Wild Caught/ Farm Raised debate about which I have no real opinion, I just want my sockeye salmon please.

Then Clementine lady caught up with me in the "International Aisle" and wanted advice on salsa and to reiterate that she does not fine ME to be rotten, just the clementines she bought last week.

Then there was this couple holding hands while attempting to maneuver a shopping cart up and down the aisles which just caused needless backup and quite a few dirty looks (and not just from ME, thank you very much Twitter/Facebook friends who were appalled that I found this to be "gross")

For the record, Adam and I have been known to hold hands but not when it inconveniences other people i.e. at the supermarket, walking down a crowded sidewalk, on an escalator)

So with all this going on is it any wonder I forgot: Greek yogurt, shredded carrots, baby carrots, bananas, raisins, whole wheat bread and last but not least, diet coke?

I think not.

I crossed off every thing I DID buy, when I got home and am determined to hit the market today, interruption free, and complete my food shopping mission.

This time I promise not to even think about soft fruit.

Rituals

Last night when I came home from work, I hung up my coat and then started drying the dishes from last night while Adam washed them, and we were done Adam went into the living room to watch hockey and I set about getting dinner ready for the night. I put on the "Amber" station on Pandora, I threw my pink WIlliam Sonoma apron on and I set about defrosting the tilapia, throwing a lemon-caper sauce together on the stove, steaming the green beans, all while sipping a glass of Pinot Grigio and, let's face it, taking a break every now and then to dance or sing into my chef's knife.

And it hit me that this is something I do basically every night. I don't come home from work and put my feet up. I don't come home and turn the TV on. I don't come home and immediately put on the computer. Yet I am still relaxing because this ritual of come home, have a glass of wine, get dinner started, while blasting Amber dance remixes, is comforting and relaxing to me! I look forward to that time of the day.

And it got me started thinking about other rituals.

For instance, making shopping lists, particularly food shopping lists has become a total ritual for me. I usually go food shopping on Wednesdays so on Tuesday night I will take inventory in the kitchen, pull out some cookbooks or gather printouts of recipes I had found online and wanted to try and then set about making my list. First I make a meal plan for the week - then I list the ingredients I need for everything (that I don't already have) on that meal plan. Then I rewrite the list in order of location in the supermarket. This might be more OCD than ritualistic but again, I love it! I think it's relaxing to have that kind of order.

My next ritual makes me seem like kind of a hobo but it is what it is. I have my morning routine down to a science. Of course I have my off days but in general it goes like this:

Alarm goes off at 6AM

Hit snooze twice.

Bring outfit for the day into the bathroom (which was picked out last night)

Shower

Moisturize and dress

Brush Teeth

Leave house by 6:40AM

Arrive to work around 7:15

Apply makeup in car while blasting things like Pink Martini or the Miss Saigon soundtrack

Get actually into work around 7:25

End scene.

I don't know why I don't put my makeup on at home? I technically don't even have to be to work until 8AM but I am just used to coming in early. And I've been doing it this way for so long that on weekends I'll be applying makeup in the bathroom mirror like a civilized person and think "I can't get this eyeliner on right...I'm going to do it in the car on the way to the party".

Which brings me to my final ritual: makeup! AT LEAST mascara and lip gloss every day, no exceptions. And it's not for anyone else, it's me. I can't function without "my face on". Truth be told most days it includes a little coverup, a touch of bronzer, some neutral-y eye shadow, eyeliner and then mascara and gloss. And my nails are always painted. Naked fingernails (on me) make me twitch.

So clearly I am a freak but what about you? What rituals do you have?

Bang Bang!

I'm tired. WAH!!!

Just wanted to share that with you.

This weekend was pretty low key for us mainly because I caught a tremendously shitty cold last week. I felt it coming on Wednesday, after lunch I just didn't feel quite right. Then by the time I got out of work my throat was really hurting. When Adam came home from work I did the smart thing and said that my throat hurt and I was probably getting sick, so we should go out for dinner since I probably won't want to go out again once I am actually sick. Smart reasoning right? So we checked out the new Kama Lounge (which was great!) and I was home and in bed by 9:30. Then I awoke Thursday to find I couldn't speak. Sweet! This malaise progressed into hacking cough and aches and incredible sinus pain. Happy New Year to me! But I am happy to report it just stayed in "cold" land and didn't progress to bronchitis like it usually does, so it's not so bad.

And here we are today, after a few boxes of tissues and a half box of Nyquil/Dayquil tablets I am feeling mostly better and just have a small lingering cough and an ever present runny nose. C'est tres chic.

Now that my health update is over let's move on to more interesting topics! How about that in a fit of boredom I decided to cut my own bangs and the results are, to be frank, Not Cute.

Is attempting to cut your own bangs ever a good idea? I am going to go with no. I have always had these long sidesweepy faux bangs that I just tuck behind my ear so it started as an attempt to trim those and then I got a little carried away.

I have to say I blame this mostly on the movie I Love You, Man which I just watched and in which most of the actresses have super cute bangs. And I don't know, maybe my cold meds were cracking me out because I thought "I can totally trim my side bangs and it will look just like this!"

(img from here)

Uhh since my hair is wily and super thick as mentioned above, instead my bangs are of reminiscent of the 1980s variety, a la Rose from Don't Tell Mom The Baby Sitter's Dead.

Yikes

So I will be rolling with the bobby pins and headbands for the next six weeks or so. On a positive note - this whole episode just confirmed my suspicion that 2010 will be the year of the say-something hat.

Everyone's Turning 30

It was definitely one of those weekends where Monday arrives and you think "Weekend? What weekend?". Between book club on Thursday where our little group managed to put away no less than 6 bottles of wine while discussing Sense & Sensibility, a 30th birthday bar crawl on Friday that went rolled on into Saturday morning and a Foxwoods excursion that ended early into Sunday morning, it is no surprise I woke up Sunday morning around noon sounding like a dude. But it was all in the name of fun so that is a-ok with me!

Our Foxwoods sojourn was a bit of a hodge podge operation. My cousin Mike had invited us to join him and some of his friend's there to celebrate his 30th birthday earlier in the week. Adam and I had discussed it and decided to play it by ear. This turned into, at 5PM on Saturday decide to go for it so we threw on some dashing duds (dark gray pinstriped suit for him, black dress and fishnets for me) and headed down to Connecticut!

First of all allow me to say, I have only been to Foxwoods once and it was about 8 years ago AND it was during the day on a weekday. So while technically yes I had been there before I don't claim to have any knowledge of the place other than the few hours I spent there that day.

Second of all, we were WAY overdressed for this place. Instead of a dress and heels I should have worn a Tweety bird sweatshirt and mom jeans. And Adam probably should have worn some kind of fringed vest. Don't get me wrong, it is a great place and actually beautiful in some parts, but there is no need to dress like you are going to a cocktail party. Unless the cocktail parties you usually attend include the toothless and the mullet-rocking on the invite list.

At one point, I was walking with my cousin's girlfriend S and her friend ahead of the guys and this kind of scary looking man stopped and started hitting on S. Even though she didn't engage him he kept harping on it repeating "You look good. You look real good. Damn girl you look good" and I could tell she was embarrassed and didn't know how to get him to go away. I am well versed in scaring off the scary though so I started talking to him in a super fake nice voice "OMG Look at you complimenting a stranger! How nice of you! Not enough people do that you know? Wow you were raised right! What a good kid! Look at you!". He in turn gave me a strange look, muttered something under his breath and walked away. Damn I am good.

Not that any of this took away from our good time. In fact, we had a blast! My cousin and his friends are so fun, the drinks are FREE and I do partake in the feeling that I could be a big winner so suffice it to say I spent the entire $100 I went in there with but I had fun losing it!

I think next I would like to check out Twin River, maybe do a night out there since it's much closer than Foxwoods (which is almost 2 hours away). Adam and I discussed doing a night down there in March. Why not?

Sunday was a good way to unwind from the nuttiness of the weekend. I slept late, went to my parents for a while, had a great lunch with Danielle and later in the night cooked up a fantastic feast to celebrate the new season of Big Love (Balsamic marinated London Broil, boiled Dungeness Crab Legs, roasted potatoes and steamed broccoli - yum!).

This looks to be kind of a weird week. I have some work stuff going on I can't really talk about. I am keeping a positive attitude, though!

20 freaking 10!

2010 what what?

Well here I am after a deliciously restful vacation from work. I had off from the 24th until Monday the 28th, worked that one day, then was off again until yesterday. It was glorious. Many people have asked “did you go anywhere for your vacation” and I am happy to report I did. I went to the land of people who have super clean, neat and organized homes. In fact, I live in that land now!

I spent the first few days of my vacation attacking our place with the vengeance of those who have let their home kind of become a shit hole over the holidays, with fear egging me on. The kind of fear born of watching a Hoarders marathon and then noticing the pile of boxes and used wrapping paper in the corner f your living room, and the pile of clothes on the futon in the spare room that you’ve been meaning to give away and the collection of never used appliances in your kitchen cupboard. Jeepers creepers I was a soiled housecoat away from a visit by the Board of Health!

So, my first order of business was taking down and packing up the Christmas decorations. Easy Peasy. My second order of business was to set the vacuum cleaner aflame by trying to vacuum up too many pine needles. When the smell of burning chemicals had dissipated, I planned my attack.

Room by room, I methodically went through all of our possessions and asked myself if I ever used it, if it even worked, did I have to have it? You would be surprised at how many of these items garnered a big fat NO to all three questions. Did I really need a toaster oven that can only toast on low or else it burns whatever you are toasting? No. Did we really need the waffle iron we had never used in the 6 years we have been together? I suppose not. Was there a reason Quesadilla makers were even invented (ever heard of a frying pan or skillet)? Probably not.

And with that a power took hold of me that beseech ed me to purge myself of these appliance hangers-on. And so I did. First the kitchen. Then the spare room, the living room and bedroom). I filled bag after bag and Rubbermaid tote after Rubbermaid tote. I created space where none had existed before. I unearthed my cache of clutch purses I thought I had lost forever. I found shoes I didn’t know I owned. I made into a guest bedroom that which had previously been a den of inequity (and by inequity I mean piles of clothes, heaps of laundry, stacks of books).

At the end of my two day project. I had made seven trips to the dumpster and two trips to Goodwill. I still owe my parents a trip to their house to drop off some totes for storage but all in all, it’s a huge difference.

And of course my victory over clutter and mess made me feel not guilty at all about spending my remaining vacation relaxing, reading, watching movies, shopping and catching up with friends. All of which also put me in the perfect frame of mind to start the New Year!

We rang in 2010 in our friends Jenn and Mike’s beautiful new home in Franklin with some of our dearest friends and over Chinese Food and gossip we all agreed to each other that 2010 would be a kickass year!

No lest you think I have all my ducks in a row, which would be so unlike me, I will share with you a New Years Eve mishap.

I was running errands last minute (i.e. shopping for a dashing NYE outfit) and was talking on the phone while maneuvering my shopping bags and trying to get into my car. As I was getting in, I slipped on some ice and basically fell into my car. I was not hurt, but as I fell the pocket of my coat hooked on a part of my car and snapped it right on two.



At first I was like WTF just happened? I looked at it for a few seconds and then was like “FUUUUUUUUUUDGE (only I didn’t say fudge”). I had broken my ignition! !!!

How can that even happen!!

I fumbled for my phone to call Triple A and apprise them of my situation when duh, it hit me. Um, the ignition isn’t even on that side of the steering column. And it probably couldn’t just snap off like that. It was, in fact, my wand that controls my blinker and headlights. Incredibly, all the wiring is intact and still works It is just kind of a sad situation. She is getting fixed next week though before her inspection since I don’t think any inspector will look forgivingly on this business.

But since it happened BEFORE 2010, I have every belief that this year will be fantastic, filled with surprises and travel and learning new things and making new friends. I will be turning 30 (!!) next month. Adam and I will be moving this summer. I made some smaller resolutions (ALWAYS bringing my re-useable bags with me when I foodshop) and larger ones (Will this be the year I finally get in shape! Let's do it!) I look forward to kicking ass and taking names.

And I wish the same for all of you as well!