Out of the Closet

There is something you may not know about me, if you don't know me very well.

Even if you DO know me very well, I keep this part of myself well hidden so even you may find it surprising.

I. Am.......A Sap.

A closeted sap, but a sap nonetheless. And my sappiness is not based on reality - but on books and films. My literary and cinematic experiences have shaped my sappiness throughout the years and have made me the somewhat closeted sap I am today.

Exhibit A. I cry at movies and actually LIKE crying at movies. Sometimes I will purposefully watch a movie that I know will make me cry just because I am in the mood to cry at a movie. These movies include, but are not limited to:

1) Terms of Endearment

2) Legends of the Fall

3) The Notebook

4) Steel Magnolias

If you had known me in 8th grade, I would have told you that I thought Rod Stewart's "Who Else is Going To Bring you a Broken Arrow" is the most romantic song on earth. Seriously. Because, to my 13 year old mine, who else WAS going to bring me a bottle arrow or a bottle of rain? These are clearly very romantic items. And clearly only my soul mate would bring them to me!! I still chuckle when I hear that song now.

Then I watched the movie, Only You, in 9th grade and it had a profound effect on me. It's a not very good movie starring Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr and Bonnie Hunt. Marisa's character is about to get married to a nice dentist when she gets a call from a friend of her brother's Damon Bradley, wishing her good luck on her marriage since he can't make the wedding. She has a flashback to being young and going to a fortune teller who told her she was going to marry a Damon Bradley and thus begins a trek to Italy, with Bonnie Hunt in tow, to find this man she is destined to be with, along the way she meets Robert Downey Jr who falls in love with her and pretends to be Damon Bradley and then when she finds out the truth it's dramatic and in the end she is in love with Robert Downey Jr and they end up together. Um, definitely thought this was the most romantic movie ever made and with that I set out looking for my soulmate.

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And going to tarot card readings.

Then senior year in high school, I read Wuthering Heights and that is when I learned love isn't true unless it's TRAGIC! Nothing can be romantic unless someone's soul is crushed. So I set about finding a tragic romance of my own which I succeeded greatly in (are any high school relationships NOT tragic in some way?).

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As I segued into college this mindset continued and I definitely wasn't interested in any guy unless he was terrible (in a romantic way of course!) in some way. And while a drug dealer from Providence is not exactly Heathcliff pining on the moors, it was what it was.

As time went on, and I got older, after a particularly embarrassing relationship with a faux Heathcliff, I decided enough was enough and I didn't know what romance was and clearly had no idea what a good man was so I would take myself out of the game for a while and focus on my friends. So we spent a few years clubbing and dancing and being crazy and having fun.

And then one night I met a NICE man who was easy to talk to and not terrible in anyway and I knew immediately I liked him very much and guess what, six years later here we still are.

Not that Adam is not a romantic, when we first started dating he wooed my socks off with dinners out and jewelry and flowers and surprises! But my ideas of what is romantic changed as I got older. Him picking up a bottle of wine he knows I like randomly on his way home and surprising me with it. Him doing all the dishes without me asking so when I come home thinking there is a sink of dishes, there is none. Him watching Law and Order with me, even though I know he isn't super into it, and actually acting like he's into it. These are little things but they make me feel my life is filled with romance. More so than any jewelry or flowers could.

And then in book club, last January, we read Wuthering Heights again and MAN did I feel totally different about it. It's not a love story! Heathcliff is a total asshole who ruins the lives of everyone around him because he has a chip on his shoulder! He SHOULD be trolling the moors, in pain. It's funny how 10 years can give you a totally new perspective on a classic. It was quite eye opening!

So what triggered this whole blog post is I finally saw the movie Twilight and I freaking LOVED it. And I did not expect to at all. I have not read the books. Most of the people I know who saw it did not like it/hated it. But I? Freaking Loved It. It has everything I loved about sappy movies with vampires thrown in. When Edward says to Bella "I don't have the strength to stay away from you" I literally sighed out loud. I'm almost 30, people!

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I don't care though. Once a sap, always a sap and while your definition of romance might change there will always be a 12 year old inside of me who thinks a bottle of rain IS super romantic. or, you know, a desperate love story between a teenage girl and a vampire. Check back with me in another 10 years though, you never know!

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