Park This

I have this wildly optimistic attitude towards parking in Boston. I just always assume I will find a spot. And not just any spot, but a spot within a block or two of my ultimate destination.

The South End around Brunch time? Sure!
Back Bay on a Friday evening? Why not!
Newbury Street after work? Most definitely.

Of course my optimism is neither based in reality or geography. It is based on my own inner George Costanza who once said that parking is like going to a prostitute: why pay for it when, if you apply yourself, you could probably get it for free?

So I set off from work yesterday on my way to Newbury Street for my 5:45 hair appointment at The Loft. I arrived in Back Bay around 4:30 and figured I would park, and maybe dip into Croma or another surrounding restaurant for a smart cocktail and to leaf through the latest Improper.

A cool forty-five minutes later I am still doing the loop-de-loop: All the way up Newbury , across Mass Ave, all the way down Boylston, around the Public Garden and back again.

And nothing.

And by this point it is getting closer to crunch time. But every available spot came with a slew of scary signs "Construction Vehicles Only ! Valet Parking after 6PM! Loading Zone! Get The F*ck Out of Here!"

And I should mention I was only really looking for spots from Dartmouth to Gloucester because the salon is near the corner of Newbury and Exeter and, well, I already explained my "Parking within one or two blocks" rule. Finding a spot twenty minutes away doesn't do me much good when my appointment is in ten minutes. Or when I may have to ask the receptionist to come out and feed the meter for me at some point.

So I gave up and did something I never do, went to park in a garage. And not just any garage, but the one under Saks.

As I drove up to the gate to get my ticket, feeling utterly defeated, I glanced at the sign of rates. Do you want to venture a guess as to how much parking for 2 hours would have cost me?

$32!

My inner George recoiled in horror and my inner Whitney said HELL TO THE NO and I sped straight through the garage and told the attendent on the other side I had made a mistake and when I was out in the daylight I swore, Boston would not get the best of me. Not now. Not ever.

So I whipped back on to Newbury and told myself this was it, do or die. Take no prisoners. And as I sped down the street, jumping between the two lanes at the slightest hint of an open metered space and avoiding pedestrians swinging their Shu Uemera and Intermix shopping bags, I spied it. In front of Nike Town. ACROSS FROM THE SALON.

A perfect, shining, metered parking space.

(cue Hallelujah music)

I have never parallel parked before with such efficiency. Ok that's a lie I had to do the "try to get within two feet of the curb without leaving the space" parking dance but once that was settled I threw in my $2 in quarters and dashed up the stairs to the salon right on time! I spent the next two hours with my lovely hairdresser Katie getting fabulous highlights for the spring and a spiffy gloss treatment. As she was washing my hair, my phone alarm went off. I had set it to remind me when I had fifteen minutes left on the meter. So we skipped the blowout and once I paid and thanked her for my new spring-y do I rushed out to rescue my car and thumb my nose at the parking police, who at that point were circling like vultures.

And there, poetically posed on my windshield. Was the neon orange omen of death. A TICKET.

WTF!? Had I not done everything correctely? My car was within a foot of the curb, I had been in and out within two hours, I still had six minutes on my meter. Textbook parking perfection!! Why were the parking gods cursing me? WHY!

I will tell you why.

Motherf*cking Expired Inspection Sticker.

BLARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell you, I will never be on top of my car stuff. I pay all my other bills on time, send huge payments to my credit card and nearly pay it off (if not completely pay it off) every month, but my car? Currently my inspection sticker is expired and my excise tax is late.

Hopefully this time I pay it on time instead of finding out in 2008 that I can't register my car because of a slew of forgotten unpaid parking tickets.

Not that I have any experience with that!

But at least my hair looks great!