A Treatise on NOT Being Nice
(Alternative title: Do Not Try on Children's Jewelry When Consuming Wine)
On Sunday, Adam and I journeyed to New Hampshire to spend the day with his parents, brother and sister in law. We hadn't seen Adam's parents in a few months, and in that time they had gone on a Carribean cruise and generously brought us back some treats. For Adam they got a gift set of hot sauces and a shot glass for his collection (did I mention that he has a very extensive shot glass and hurricane glass collection? you probably don't know (even if you know me) because i make him keep it hidden from sight. unlike his brother whose wife allows him to showcasw his shot glass collection on top of the television console. I am not that nice) And for me: a gorgeous jade bangle and matching jade dangle earrings.
I was excited because my mom has a lovely jade bangle she bought herself in China that I am super jealous of and that I am never allowed to borrow/wear/touch. So finally I had my own! I was touched that they had thought of me, and that they knew my style so well .
However, no sooner had I unearthed the bangle from it's box when his mom announced "It's not going to fit you!".
"Are you sure?", I asked. "Oh yeah," she said, "I didn't even notice until got back on the ship that it is a children's bracelet. I'm so sorry!"
"Ohhhh", I said, fingering the lovely jade dissapointedly. It didn't look that small. Surely I had slid smaller bangles over my ring-size-8-finger-having-hands. My wrists are actually suprisngly small and I am never deterred from finding and buying and wearing small unclasping bracelets.
And I felt bad because I could tell how dissapointed his mom was since she saw how excited I was. With my third glass of pinot grigio coursing threw my veins, I nearly told her the story about how I once got a set of handcuffs whose key had broken off my wrists using dish soap and olive oil. But I figured that was a story for another time. Instead, to be nice and show my appreciation for the gift, I went into the bathroom and used a trick I have used a few times with Too Small rings:I put a bunch of hand lotion on my hand and slid the bangle over my hand.
But it really suddenly sharply HURT. I mean hurt like shaving a bone.
Maybe there ARE some bangles I wasn't meant to wear!
But at that point it was nearly all the way on and it was less painful to push it on than pull it off So push it on I did.
And when I emerged triumphantly from the bathroom and exclaimed "It fits!" I knew the pain of Cinderella's wicked step sister who tried to wear the glass slipper. Although unlike her it would not be flying off anytime soon.
And there it still is on my wrist today, 3 days later.
You see, my struggles to get it on (and later trying to get it off at home) bruised the sides of my hands so that any further attempts must be delayed until they are healed.
Or at least until I get my hands on some more pinot and/or a hammer.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
A Treatise on NOT Being Nice