Thursday, April 20, 2006

Sometimes I am amazed at what comes out of my mouth.

I mean, I am no saint. The F word is a verbal crutch I rely on to help me get through the work day, as is the B word and the GDMF word/phrase. I accept this about myself.

But if you catch me off guard, pre-coffee? I am straight up NASTY.


Today I was on my way to work, running a little bit late. I stopped at a red light in the middle lane. The right lane is "turn only" as is the left lane. So I took this opportunity to relax for a moment and sip my iced coffee. When the light changed, I took off and didn't notice that someone in the left lane had been meaning to cut me off and go straight but since I have a bit of a lead foot, he did not stand a chance.

This evidently did not sit well with him because for the rest of my journey down the street he was RIGHT up my ass. I mean like 1 inch away from my back bumper. I didn't care enough to do the "tap the brake" thing, and at the next red light he pulled up next to me and yelled something profane at me through my open window. I heard part of it and it involved the F word, and the B word.

My response as I rolled my window up?

"Get some Rogaine, Cueball!"


I have never called anyone cueball in my life and it just spewed out of my mouth like it's part of my everyday diss vernacular. And I have nothing against bald men! My dad has been bald my whole life and he is a handsome fella! What's next? "Get some Prilosec, Acidy!" or "Get some Meridia, Obese-y!" I was so shocked at myself. I mean cursing at someone is one thing, but insulting the state of one's hair? SO much worse.

And it's funny because I cringe if Adam even honks at someone when he is driving. But you know, if I am going to go down in a road rage incident, I better be the one behind the wheel.


kim said...

"Get some Meridia, Obese-y!" actually.... HAHAHA! i know, bad. but it still made me [and my fat ass btw] laugh and i don't see how making someone else laugh could ever be a bad thing :)

PS: i'm still grinning.

PPS: i'm glad i probably won't ever cross your way pre-coffee.

Sarah said...

kim, if you call yourself fat one more time i am flying to Germany and slapping you. You look great!! Accept it!

kim said...

oouukayyy. have you had your coffee yet?

PS: thanks though - am working on it - the accepting that is :)

Nicky said...

That's brilliant! I hope you never turn senile in your old age, because there'll be no stopping you! Hell, there's barely stopping you now. (o; All I can manage from road rage is odd swear combinations and pairings.

Lyss said...

That's fuckin' awsome.

Once some guy didn't like what I did in traffic and called me the C word. I calmly replied- "Is that supposed to be an insult? Because you know that 'C_ _ t' is the new female power term?"

JT said...

Hey, my friend directed me over here because the exact same thing happened to me (minus the witty comeback, of course)! But here's what I *should* have said:

"Cueball" was brilliant. Congratulations on cleverly suppressing your road rage!