Friday, March 03, 2006

Seriously, what's more annoying than a man on a diet?


I should mention that I am of the opinon that if you (man OR woman) are on a diet, you should keep it to yourself unless explicitly asked about it. No one wants to be regaled with stories of calorie counting and tryglicerides and high protein shakes. The fact that you are eating an oat bran pita is probably enough to garner some kind of attention alone (have you tried that shit? NASTY) so you don't need to bring up the fact that the reason you are eating it is because you are on an 800 calorie a day diet and are watching your fat intake and blahzay blah.

Casually mentioning you are trying to eat healthier? Fabulous
Constantly talking about fat content and counting other people's calories for them? SO Unfabulous

Anyway, nothing is more annoying (to me, anyway) than a man talking about how he maintains his pant size. I don't know if it is because I already have it in my head that it is easier for men to lose weight than women so to brag about how you fit into pants that I haven't been able to fit into since middle school is just a teeny insulting.

I bring this up because yesterday I was pouring myself a cup of coffee when my boss came in and told me she had a present for me. She opened the fridge and there was a full bottle of Coffeemate, hazlenut flavor. My favorite!! We hardly ever have such goodies around here, and I merrily began drinking my newly flavored and delicious coffee back at my desk. A moment later a male coworker walked by and paused, sniffed the air and said "Did you put chocolate in your coffee?". "No, it's hazlenut coffeemate" I told him.

"Oh it smells like it has a ton of fat in it".

What kind of crap is that? Has the human nose evolved so much on some people that it can sniff out fat content (incorrectly I might add since 2 tablespoons have 1.5 grams)?

"Um, I guess. I love it though" I told him, not wanting to get in a dietary arguement with Mr. Oat Bran Pita.

"I love it too, but I put that in my coffee every day I wouldn't be able to fit in my pants".

Ew! Right? Even if it's true, why would I care about it? You probably put oat bran in your coffee anyway.

As usual. What cannot be expressed eloquently in words, can be succinctly expressed in MS Paint


clipper829 said...

He kind of sounds like an asshole.

Sarah said...

i am definitely not a fan

Jaime said...

he definitely sounds like a douche. i will, however, give him credit for not eating things that he thinks will make him fat, unlike the people i work with who eat crap all day long and then bitch in between bites about how fat they are and how nothing fits.

and also? mmmmmmmm hazlenut!

Nicky said...

Wow, I wanted to punch that guy just by READING about him! How the hell can you "smell fat"? You should've told him that you smelled his miserable soy ass walking in. I drink vanilla caramel creamer in my coffee every day & still fit into my pants just fine. I agree that people who preach nonstop about calories are complete assholes. If you're gonna eat right, just do it and don't subject the rest of us to your diet.

alisa said...

The question is not whether he can get into his own pants but rather if he can get into anyone else's. I doubt it because that man would be so annoying at dinner I'd never put out afterwards.

Norwego said...

Sarah, have you tried the Creme Brulee Coffeemate yet? I know, it sounds like it could be nasty. But it is tres delicious. Test it out!

Sarah said...

yes!! i love it! i also love the gingerbread one that comes out during the holiday season :-)

Alexis said...

Holycrap, you are hilarious!

Marilyndrew said...

awesome illistration

i completely agree!

Nicky said...

My fav holiday Coffeemate = peppermint mocha! (o:

The Pink Kitty said...

That MS Paint drawing definitely helped me get a real understanding of what you were trying to convey ;) What a jerk, you can't smell fat. I hate people on diet who complain about them all the time too!

Natalie said...

ohmygod, how rude of him! what an asshole!