Tuesday, May 06, 2003

The fact of the matter is i am an emotional masochist. I always have been one and always will be one. I hate admitting it but it's an illimitable truth: I am always drawn to men who are unavailable either due to a girlfriend or a drug habit or an emotional instablilty, what have you, and then I am repelled by the more intelligent, nice, available men. Exhibit A: Dan, a guy who I have been in many of the same classes with for the last few years, is witty, very intelligent and so nice it hurts my head. Then there is Tim who is less nice and intelligent and witty with the added bonus of being taller than me. So who am I enamored with? Not Dan, who is single and asked me out yesterday, but Tim, who I know has a longterm girlfriend but whom I stalk and flirt with relentlessly . And why is this? The only reason I can think of is that Dan is not taller than I am. Am I that shallow? And I always do this: Really Nice and Smart and Single Boy tries to date me and I blow him off only to lust after Unattainable Boy. This happened last semester with the two Davids as well. Isn't it nice that I am continualy able to elucidate my problems and short-comings and yet determined to remain in this sort of high-school mentality state of mind?

And then, now that I have saved all my papers due this semester for this week, I have developed a mind-numbing sinus infection and thus must either Nyquil and Sudafed myself into a stupor or walk around bleary eyed and blithering with stuffed-nasal passage incoherence.

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