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Monday, January 12, 2009

Breast of Luck

I have been out of the house party scene for a while now. Or rather the house parties I attend involve wine and word games maybe the occasional Britney dance off. But this past Friday I attended my gorgeous cousin Melissa's going away party. Now that she is done with college she is leaving us and moving to Italy for the time being. Ciao Bella!! We are all extremely jealous. 


But yes, Friday was her going away party at her mom's house which happens to be in the same city as my apartment. Her mom (my aunt) was absconding for the evening and the beer and beer pong was sure to flow like wine.  I have been feeling boring lately so this was just what I needed. A party with young folk (young meaning under 25!).  I may be 28 but I still know how to house party it up when neccesary! So I informed Andy and Adam that we would be attending and with that, a house party was on our agenda.

We arrived around 9:30PM, having had dinner with Andy's parents at Townsend's before (fabulous burger there, if you are in the Hyde Park area, check it out). We brought wine and vodka with us and settled down with drinking and gabbing and catching up and talking shiz. Melissa has a great group of friends and it is always so much fun to catch up with my local cousins. All in a night's work.

Later in the night, after midnight when we were all a tad worse for the wear, the second shift of the party showed up. Among this group was a "tres ivré" friend of a friend (you know the type). She immediately latched onto me because I was wearing a leopard coat and leopard is to drunk girls what red is to bulls. They can't resist it. My group and I humored her for a while and then moved on to a different section of a party.

Presently, she re entered the conversation but this time. Something was different. This time, one of her breasts was out.

Now, I am not a small-chested gal and I know that when wearing a low cut shirt, one can sometimes expose more than one wants. But that is what safety pins and self awareness are for. This girl had straight up one entire BREAST hanging out of the front of her shirt. It was one of those things when you see at first but don't compute. There was a moment of silence among Andy, Adam and I and then the silence was breached by my cackling shrieks of laughter.

I know, not the nicest reaction but it could not be helped. A breast! 

Andy, ever the gentleman, said "Oh no honey we have to do something about this" and pulled her shirt up and kind of tucked her back in, while Adam stood aghast and I continued to laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. You know when you know you shouldn't be laughing and it just makes you laugh more? A BREAST!!!!

This poor soul evidently wasn't having my shrieky laughs or Andy's gentlemanly assistance because she responded by huffing into the next room, and moments later removing not one but TWO breasts from her shirt and shaking them in our direction.

TWO BREASTS.

I know I am like a 5 year old with a pee joke over here but I can not stop laughing about it. It was hysterical. And my poor cousin was so apologetic when she had no need to be, I mean we have all suffered the indignities of an unruly uninvited guest. And thanks to her I had a good laugh AND a good shot of self esteem because I may have engaged in drunk shenanigans at parties (hello I went to Umass) but I have never whipped out a private part to prove a point!

Ah kids today.

Also - it comes to my attention that today is NATIONAL DE-LURKING DAY. So come on all you li'l lurkers and tell me who you are. If you have a blog I would love to read it. If you don't that's fine too just say "oh hai" or something. I love new blog friends! If a blog entry about breasts can't get you to comment, nothing can. 

38 comments:

Sara at Soap Rehab said...

Hilarious story!!! What a great reminder that some good things do come with age :)

Preppy Chemist said...

That is too hilarious! I love your blog even though I tend to be a lurker!

Sarah said...

Happy De-lurking day from another Sarah.

I enjoy reading your adventures... and thought it was about time I said hi.

Here's hoping your next party doesn't come with a side of breasts. ;)

Nicky said...

Can't...breathe...still laughing!!!

Oh Lord, I've been feeling old too - wine and board games are my idea of an excellent party. It's been a while since unmentionables have made an appearance at a party I've attended.

Jessica said...

I'm de-lurking to thank god I'm old enough to know that's just not right- also hilarious! I don't have my own blog to send you- I have enough trouble with facebook these days :) Happy Monday!

Joe Sheehan said...

i dont have a blog, but i'll delurk for you.... i read your columns pretty regularly and will (continue to) insist that you are 100x better than most professional columnists. Keep on writing, you're a natural.

A Texas Gal said...

This made me laugh so hard.

Jzbell said...

Ok, ok... I don't think I've said hello before... have I? Anyway, I've been enjoying your adventures for quite a while now and nearly always have to struggle to keep from guffawing aloud in the office. Found your blog through Jenny's... I'm an old friend of Hooker. Funny, eh? I actually started a blog of my own, having been inspired by you clever ladies, but I haven't posted on it since... oh, at least 10 months ago. Hey, somebody's gotta lurk, right??

Cheers to new blog friends! =)

E said...

i don't know if i've said hello before or not- but if not, i'm saying it now! LOVE your blog- you are hilarious and I love your stories-- and today did not disappoint! :)

Jessica McFadden said...

Between the Blanche Devereaux Twitter profile pic and your Tweet about repeated breast sightings at parties, I had to come over...

Lynn said...

De-lurking-may have left a comment before but not sure.
Love,love,love your blog!! Great story, I can honestly say in the long (sometimes less than classy) list of drunk shenanigans of mine breast exposure isn't one of them.

shayze said...

I just started reading your blog.

Anyone who has the words pink and shoe (two of my fave things) in their blog name pretty much has to rock!

steffi2282 said...

I commented a few times in the past I think but I am a regular reader of your Blog.
If you don't know, I am from Germany and came to your Blog via San's.

GREAT story! It made my morning. My colleagues are still asking what’s up that I am laughing out loud at 8 in the morning. ;-)

Katie said...

delurking...

your stories are always so great; thanks for making me laugh (and on a monday)!

Gail said...

Another lurker here.... Boobs really make a party don't they! x

Stacey said...

Hi I'm Stacey and I'm a lurker.

(that sounds a little creepy)

But I do love your blog :)

Jolene said...

oh hai!

I am de-lurkered.

pigbook1 said...

I might have "de-lurked" for that story anyways, but I guess now I have to :-)
Don't bother reading - my blog is boring and rarely updated, but I thought i should at least let you know i read :-D

D'Rae said...

i read your blog. See, I am delurking

Nina Diane said...

oh hey there!
great story.....

Suz said...

That is a fabulous story; the best parties always have partial nudity.

Cricky said...

Thanks for keeping us a "breast" of the situation.

Sorry I couldn't resist.

Longtime fan here.

Jackie said...

I'm delurking... add me to the list of daily-reader-general-non-commenter. Honestly, I log on to the computer at work and check in this order the following websites: ilookgood.blogspot.com, canada.com, cbc.ca, cnn.com. Obviously, you're the most important news source of the day!! :)

Carrie said...

Long time reader here!

I agree with Suz, sounds like a good party!

Lea said...

Hilarious story! Love your blog!

hope505 said...

"...that is what safety pins and self awareness are for..."

I love it! *hahaha!* What a funny party story!

snedapants said...

i shall de-lurk as well, though i've commented before. :)

i love that she embraced her humiliation by straight up flashing you all. she gets points for that in my book.

oh to be young again!

That's Biatch to you... said...

I've commented before, but I lurk more than I comment!

Some chicks are just proud of what they're packing in their shirts, but the need to show the world is beyond me. I mean, if you've seen one, you've seen two.

Pamela said...

Hi! I read your blog all the time and am a terrible lurker. This story made me laugh out loud b/c i would react in much the same way!

Jewels said...

HAHAHAHA er ehmmm...It's hard to laugh at work...er...while working.

Thank you Sarah! As usual you have provided me with a good laugh.

And you know I'm not a lurker :)

Keep'em coming!!!

Ali K. said...

I'm still working on getting my own blog together! As well as always wondering if I have enough interesting ideas to write about. As usual this was a great laugh for my morning!! I started reading your cookbook with a woman at an old job, and now I love reading this blog too...

Tish said...

"leopard is to drunk girls what red is to bulls"

fantastic! First time looker, I was cracking up even before the partial nudity.

Anonymous said...

I am a lurker, but I don't have a blog worth reading. I am a t&p poster and I followed links from other people's blogs/art sited and found this. I'm a regular reader and I like the way you tell stories. Anyway, that's all.

-Jen

Lys said...

I about died laughing - too funny!! There's always got to be one at every soiree, right?

You already know my two homes on the 'net ;) I just tend to read on the feed reader

k said...

So i missed commenting on delurking day, but thought i should delurk none the less.

I'm not sure what to do about this breast story. Perhaps she just needed to be hugged more as a child?
(and i'm now seriously considering a closet purge)

Jenn said...

This is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Pure awesomeness.

ryssee said...

Hi. Consider me de-lurked. I didn't realize this holiday was two days ago, otherwise I would've come out of the lurk closet.

Kimba said...

Beer, Beer pong, boobs, and to think we live so close! I'm coming to your town!