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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Liar, Liar

So I have this slight problem. The thing is, you get 2-3 glasses of wine and me and every now and then I start blatantly lying. Not like outlandish crazy lies but the kind of subtle quasi-half truths that are entirely believable. I think it's the entertainer in me (and by entertainer I mean compulsive liar).

And I just BUST out with these little white lies. Like people are having normal conversations like "Oh hey I like rock climbing, my boyfriend and I climbed such and such precipice last month" and I am like "OMG I LOVE ROCK CLIMBING" and I know just enough about a lot of random shit to be believable. I also once told a drunk girl in a bathroom in Providence that I was a prostitute just to make her feel better about having ovarian cysts. This doesn't make any sense but at the time I thought this was QUITE the sympathetic comment. Along the lines of "You think YOU have problems? Let me tell you about me!". Call it my good deed of the day.

I realize that saying I am a prostitute isn't exactly a little white lie but I think when a stranger corners you in a public restroom to talk about ovarian cysts, you play the hand you're dealt.

In any case, the other night I attended a company event at a restaurant/bar downtown and after most of the important people had left it was just a handful of us at the bar, talking about this and that. One of my coworkers brought up Guitar Hero, she was telling a story about how her boyfriend is obsessed with it or something along those lines. So I, of course, pop in with "OMG I LOVE GUITAR HERO WE PLAY IT ALL THE TIME!".

Meanwhile, we own it and play it occasionally.

And she is goes on to be like "Oh I tried it once and I sucked I can't get past the Easy level"

And I am all "OMG ME TOO AT FIRST BUT NOW I CAN PLAY ON HARD".

I have no idea why I said this. I definitely only play on the Easy level and my one attempt at Medium ended with me being virtually booed off the virtual stage. And maybe virtually crying. But such is my habit, lying when tipsy.

So one of my managers jumped in, psyched and incredulous, like "You can play on Hard? That f*cking rules!" and, trying to be magnanimous I was like "Well I can really only play "Slow Ride" on the Hard level" which if you have ever played Guitar Hero you will know it's like the easiest song you can play no matter what level you are on (but no matter that I still can only play it on Easy).

So fast forward to today. My coworker who I initially spoke to (lied to) about this comes up to me today and said how much fun she had last night and how she and her fiancee want to hang out with Adam and I and maybe we could all get together and play Guitar Hero since I am the only other girl she knows who likes it and we can order pizza and whatnot.

Uhhhh.

So I figure here are my options: I either have to suddenly not suck at Guitar Hero and learn how to play "Slow Ride" on Hard between now and when we hang out OR I need to be tipsy when they come over so I can come up with a feasible lie about why I suck.

Take this as a lesson: Don't drink and lie! Or if you must lie, lie about either something no one can prove OR a skill you can easily attain.

Better for us all if it doesn't involve Foghat.

10 comments:

San said...

OMG. What are you going to do???

I think pretty much everybody has done this kind of "white lying" before, but it's true, you better come up with something nobody can prove.

Ladybug's Picnic said...

While drunk, my sister convinced a random guy that I was a talented graffiti artist, referencing several T stations featuring my "work." The best thing was that the guy was all "OMG YES! I totally KNOW that tag!"

We are HORRIBLE drunken liars.

The Wife said...

I used to have a problem with this except and was in high school (and sober!). I think I did it to see what I could get people to believe. I once told someone at school that my mom was pregnant with twins (she was not pregnant AT ALL) and being a small town, someone ended up congratulating her! Oops!

Mandy said...

You need to start practicing!

Meg said...

I vote for being drunk when they come over. But then you might end up with more lying. Oh! Oh! You could make up something about how your hand just isn't the same since the burn.

Anonymous said...

I vote for practicing your ass off for the next few weeks, AND being tipsy when you get together - that way, you can probably hit it on Medium and have a good excuse for failing miserably on the Hard level.... best of both worlds and no one is any the wiser and your rep is intact. Viola! Let us know what happens when you do get together :)

Jenni said...

That is TOO funny! I vote for getting tipsy and then blaming it on the alcohol for why you're not able to play on hard. I can play on hard, and sometiemes (not to brag) and when I drink I totally suck! My coordination is completely off and I am a mess!

Good luck! :)

NatalieDeltaGam said...

i do that stuff too. ...i'll even start lying to cooper and he'll just look at me like i'm crazy b/c he KNOWS better. haha!!
and guitar hero? soooo hard.

Jeff Cutler said...

My vote is for the reversal trick. If/when they come over, convince them that THEY were the ones blatantly bragging about being able to play it on hard and you had only said that you tried it and thought it was too difficult.

If this doesn't work, then more drinking is in order. Followed with some drunken GH playing. And yes, more lying.

Good luck.

soula said...

i lie a lot when i am drunk. but all of my friends know this about me, so they don't believe a word i say. i think it's very funny that you do this too. Good luck with the gutiar hero date! ha