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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Line Whine

I consider myself pretty lucky in many aspects of my life (knock on wood) but there is one area that I have always struggled with. One particular facet of life in which I am more often than not forced to look to the heavens and cry WHY ME!!??

That part of my life, is my time spent waiting in lines.

Now, I know waiting in lines are a part of living life. I don't expect to have what I want when I want it and I don't mind standing in a line as part of my day to day routines.

But the people I usually end up in line with? AWFUL. Seriously I believe I am being punished for past wrong-doings by the people who end up in line with me at various places. And if I happen to be in kind of a rush? Multiply those people times ten and throw in a psychotic and you have the kind of lines I am used to waiting in.

For one thing, as I have blogged about before, I have fury in my heart towards line-cutters and those f*ckers just pop up EVERYWHERE and I tell you people. I don't have it in me to be the Voice of Reason (slash Voice of Withering Bitchiness) every time and put these people in their place. Someone else has to step up to the plate sometimes and say "Hey you, Don't cut!" other than me. Please. I beg you.

I also usually end up behind GET THE MANAGER type folks. Now, I am not hating - I have been known to ask from the manager on occasion when the need arises but if you are trying to return shoes that have a broken heel, are so scuffed you must have bought them in 1991 and get a full refund please save your shenanigans for, say, a weeknight at 9PM and not during prime shopping hours on the weekend. Please? Because I have heard the phrase "I only wore them once I swear" way too many times in my life already. And all I am trying to do is buy some knee highs (what, I like them).

I also tend to end up around BEEP BEEP Push-To-Talk people. You know the type. BEEP BEEP Where are you? BEEP BEEP I'm in line at CVS buying batteries BEEP BEEP Don't forget to pick up Scotch Tape BEEP BEEP But we have some at home look in the kitchen drawer BEEP BEEP I did look, it isn't there BEEP BEEP Look again BEEP BEEP. I did look I swear BEEP BEEP.....

GET THE F*CK OUT OF LINE!

Sorry for that outburst but I don't even enjoy these mundane conversations with my own boyfriend so I don't need to hear one between you and yours. Especially when you are yelling. Especially accentuated with loud screeching BEEPS. Seriously.

And you know, I am a pretty fast walker - maybe it's the long legs, maybe it's the natural impatience but I am nowhere near as fast as those people who RUN to get in front of me when I am walking towards the self check out at the supermarket , me with my ONE carton of milk and ONE loaf of bread and they with their TWO BASKETS OVERFLOWING WITH CRAP. That's awesome. Thanks. And please do have a a few things that the self checkout doesn't recognize so a manager has to come over. And please do attempt to pay with a $100 bill even when it clearly says they cannot accept $100 bills. By all means. Go right ahead.

Ass.

And these are just the more normal of the people I usually wait in line with. This morning at Dunks I was stuck in between Mr. Pays with Pennies (as in, ONLY in pennies) and Mr. Blatantly Smells Your Hair - not the best way to start the morning. And I tell you for all the complaining about how people love the drive thru too much, sometimes it's worth it just to avoid pre-coffee line rage in a little encapsulated bubble where the only annoying thing is that you missed the beginning of Morning Edition. Sigh.


But this is my lot in life and I will bear it as I do all burdens - with complaints and a few blog posts about it.

11 comments:

Melissa said...

I could have written that entry myself! I despise lines, and people like that only make it worse!

I have had the VERY rare experience (like twice in my life) of having something like 2 items, and someone in front of me has 50 and they tell me to go ahead of them since they will take forever! It makes my day when that happens!

charlotteharris said...

Thos people who use the drive through are missing out on some great blog fodder. I am glad you opt to stand in line because it's entertaining for the rest of us to read your recap.

Hooker said...

I have a knack for jumping into a seemingly better line only to have it blow up in my face.

The other night I got into a shorter line at the supermarket and a drunk woman and her drunk son payed for a bottle of gatorade and a lighter, respectively, with their personal checks.

THe woman actually turned to me and said "if i could just use your debit card this would be quicker"

Meg said...

Word. I'm also fond of the people for whom something has rung up slightly incorrectly and insist on arguing that that's not what the shelf said. I'll give you the dime, fool. Get out of my way.

Lys said...

I've learned to develop some sort of patience in line now that I'm living in the land of the slooooooowwww (but I'm still testy about it at times).

But line cutting, loud cell talking, etc. is just not kosher. But I detest paying by check - who pays by check nowadays - didn't they see that Visa commercial.

MarisaJosephine said...

I work in retail and i despise people ob cell phones while you are trying to help them. so when i am at the register and someone is on the phone..i just stop what i am doing and wait for them to get off...and because they are annoyed that i am not ringing up their stuff...;they get off phone and then i restart ringing in their order and thank them for not talking on the phone because i want to make sure they are understanding what they are buying. :)

sometimes if someone is talking on the cellphone and i am waiting for them to get off the phone
i start to ask them questions
that i know i do not need to ask
just to throw their concentration off.

its awful
but
it always
works.

:)

San said...

You are hilarious, Sarah. If it makes you feel better, I have encountered ALL of the people that you describe here myself... maybe not as often as you, though ;)

Hang in there. And keep stepping up to the plate. You're my hero.

Jenn said...

I had THE worst line experience ever today!! I was in line at Whole Foods waiting to check out my self-serve buffet lunch entree and the woman in front of me (who mind you had also gone through the buffet and touched everything I touched...) put her purse down on the counter. I thought it odd that it was FILLED with plastic shopping bags, but whatever. That is until she pulled open the front of her sweat pants and pulled an envelope of money out of the front of her underwear!!!! At first I was completely doubting what I saw and was searching frantically for some sort of fanny pack, but NOOO she actually stored the money in her drawers!! The clerk said NOTHING to her and actually took the counted out bills without flinching. Meanwhile I lost all appetite for lunch at that point and was thoroughly grossed out that she was even touching my credit card with the same hand. What is wrong with people?

Sarah said...

ahaha that is insane!! Remind me to tell you someday the tale of My Dad, The Checkout Line at Whole Foods, and The Man With A Boat. It's a tale for the ages, believe you me.

Amy D said...

Pssstt..I like knee highs too!! (even if my boyfriend DOES call me grandma!!) Perfect under pants, because my crazy mom instilled in me for years that if you wear bear feet with your shoes and heels, they will smell!! Does that barely there, thin layer of nylon really help? I don't know, but it eases my mind and I seem to think so!

Jenn said...

Oh my God. Yesterday I had a line issue and it actually made me think of this post so I had to come find it and comment on it.

The one line sin that makes my blood boil quicker than anything else is the inability of both customers and stores to manage MULTIPLE LINES. I'm thinking of places like CVS and fast food places with giant counters and like 11 registers.

The new thing seems to be for people to somehow try to form 1 massive line, from which you are supposed to let the person in front go to whichever register opens next. Only unless the store has some kind of wrapping roped-off line area, this doesn't work AT ALL and ends up causing mass confusion and other awesome things like people in line down the middle of an aisle where you're trying to, oh, I don't know, actually pick something from the shelf to purchase.

So, I have begun to boycott these and will walk directly up to the next open register as a protest rather than waiting in the retarded made-up line from hell. Most of the time this works and it even sometimes inspires people to abandon the made-up line and actually form separate lines at each register. But yesterday I went to the CVS across the street from my work, where I've actually heard the clerks yell at people to get into separate lines before, so I assumed they're down with my technique. Only instead, there's a retarded made-up one-line going on with like 4 people in it. I walk up to a register thinking, "they're probably about to yell at those people" but instead, when the person in front of me is done paying, the clerk says to me, "Actually she was next," pointing at the one-line, "there's only one line."

WHAT????????????? I know you did not just say that. You mean the one line that only has 3 people in it and is already enroaching on the haircare aisle? Uh-uh. So I think I did something pretty bitchy like said, O-KAY as if she was five, rolled my eyes, and got in the one-line line. Luckily when it was my "turn" I got another cashier because I think I would have been making so many faces there might have been a fight if I had to go back to her.

WTF is wrong with people? You don't form one line at the grocery store do you? For pete's sake. If people start doing that I'm going to have to turn into a hermit and get my groceries delivered or something. I refuse to participate in the one-line insanity.