Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Smell from Hell

Last night, as I grabbed some groceries out of the backseat of the car, I noticed a rouge Gladware container on the floor. Since those things are as precious as gold in our house (NO matter how many I buy, we are at any given time down to only one or two left), I took it inside to wash it out.
I threw it in the sink and put the groceries away, Now, I have to tell you this container looked pretty much empty. There were a few teeny remnants of whatever had been inside but other than that it looked fine.

When I opened the lid to wash it though, I found it was not exactly fine.

A stench so overwhelming emerged from the confines of the cheap plastic tub and physically assaulted me. That stink slapped my face sent me stumbling backwards afraid that the devil had come into my house via unwashed semi-disposable plastic-ware.

Here is where I made my fatal mistake: instead of just throwing that shit out (which because it was so disgusting would have entailed walking it downstairs and outside and pitching it into the dumpster), I blasted it with hot water and Dawn thinking that the anti-bacterial qualities of both would send that demon stench back to hell.

Instead, the horrible smell laughed at me and grew stronger. I ran into the bathroom for the Lysol as I heard Adam cry from the living room “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT SMELL?”

Oh great, it was spreading.

I Lysoled that Gladware container like it was a raging inferno and I had a limitless fire extinguisher. It was too late to take it to the dumpster, the stinky awfulness had set up residence in my apartment and would not leave. Even after the guilty Gladware was taken outside, stabbed with a wooden stake and sprinkled with garlic (that’s how you get rid of demons, right? Or is that vampires?) In any case while the source of the stink was gone the stink lingered on. I Lysoled. I burned candles. I sprayed PERFUME in the kitchen and living room. Only then did it seem to dissipate.

Smug in my (however drawn out) victory, I headed off to enjoy a lovely dinner with a friend. When I returned, I sniffed cautiously in the kitchen and confirmed with Adam that we were in fact safe. So I went about my nighttime routine, taking off jewelery and make up. And as I walked into the spare room (aka my boudoir or The Office, depending who you ask) to get changed, I realized that while I may have won the battle I did not win the war.

It REEKED In there. Exactly the same demonic possession of a stink that had taken over the kitchen and living room earlier. The smell of death soaked in plastic and cooked in a hot car for whoever knows how long. And it did not take me long to figure out that my bedroom smelled bad as well since apparently when I let the gross genie out of the bottle it had spread to all corners of my apartment and would not come out without a fight.

I really need to have some kind of shaman on my list of friends, someone to come over and smudge my place of evil lingering demon smells.

In any case, more candles were burned, more room spray and linen spray was utilized and this morning when I awoke all was right (and scent free) with the world again.

What is the moral of this story? If there is something unidentifiable in a Gladware container just throw it out. Don’t open gross things in your apartment?

I’m not sure, but I will tell you that if I ever identify what was in that tub, we are never eating it again. Because it was Pure Evil.


Nicky said...

HAHAHA!!! Thank you for my first good laugh of the day. To rid your apartment of evil, maybe you should try walking room to room holding a bundle of burning sage while murmuring an Indian chant? You know, in lieu of Lysol. (o;

AnnaB said...

This reminds me of my freshman year in college when I learned that seafood needs to be refrigerated. Bleach could not tackle the smell of that shizz.

LooLoo said...

And that, my friend, is why I get the disposables.

MarisaJosephine said...

ooh i found one of those containers in my car the other day and i am so glad i threw it out


Lys said...

Speaking of reekness, now that I'm back from vacation, I think I should clean out the fridge (something I should have done before I left... oops!)

princessdominique said...

Great post. Hilarious even. I've done the same thing too. I opt to throw it out though instead of washing even though they are equally as precious as gold in my humble abode, but the stench. I mean, it lingers and linger and lingers.

Sarah said...

It looked so innocent though! There was hardly anything in it. Well, I have learned my lesson FOR SURE. When in doubt, throw it out = my mantra from now on.

Kimba Rimba said...

Looks like i have a project for myself when I go home. Along with picking up all new disposables.

Happy you and Adam are safe and sound!

Ladybug's Picnic said...

Ooh. That's happened here many more times than I care to mention. I am going to guess you had shrimp in there or something like that. That'll do it every time.

Lala said...

I'm new to your blog but have read your posts with great amusement. I must say that my thrifty self has definitely opted for the washing of the containers and suffered as well! Although typically I will throw them out and then the trash will proceed to stink up the apartment until I get around to taking that out as well..

Anonymous said...

I always keep a stick of sage in my house 1. b/c it cleanses negative energy(my fiance thinks I am a lunatic, maybe but I like the thought. 2. It takes bad smells out of the house. It works great on tough cooking smells! You can pick one up in town(Quincy)at the natural market across from Blockbuster. Jenny

Sarah said...

Jenny that is a great idea! I am into it. And I love that natural food store!

Donna said...

You are so funny! You definitely need to turn these adventures into a book. Found your blog this morning after reading my fav All Things Kimba. Really.....just started out my day perfectly to read your funny post.