The Thin Line Between Road Rage and Roid Rage

I have always known I have road rage. When I get cut off I get angry. When I see someone pull a Masshole move my blood boils. And I have no qualms about giving someone the finger or passing someone while honking if they are being a douche.

And you know, since "car"ma exists and you get back what you put out there, I have also experienced other people's road rage. I have been tailgated for cutting someone off. I have had someone pull up next to me at a red light and shower a charming assortment of obscenities on me.

So I felt like I knew road rage.

But after yesterday afternoon, I can see know that I definitely did not.

I was driving along my usual route home, by a fairly busy street by the beach (two lanes going in each direction, several stop lights, you get the idea). And I am chatting with my brother on the phone about his new job. I see a blue Toyota kind of trying to pull out onto the street, and by trying to pull out I mean blocking half the lane. I could have let him go, I know that, but I didn't and since I have the right of way that is my right. And as a general aside I understand pulling half into the street when it is super busy and you really don't have any other way to get out there but it was NOT busy at all, this guy just didn't want to wait for the light to change.

So as soon as I passed him I realized he was not very happy about it. He immediately drove RIGHT behind me, flashing his lights and blaring on his horn. Being someone who drives a LOT in the Boston area, this is par for the course for me. So I continue on my way, talking with my brother and then this guy pulls up next to me and just BLARES on his horn unrelentingly, shouting at me to "get off the fucking phone". Now, he probably though that the reason I didn't let him go was because I was on my phone but the fact is I saw him, it registered with me that he was trying to cut into my lane and I just didnt' let him do it. Phone or not, I would have done the same thing either way. At this point I am telling my brother "There is a lunatic in the car next to me screaming at me" and my brother is like "Oh what does he look like?" as if I would actually turn and look at him. A life lesson I have learned is Do Not Make Eye Contact With Crazies.

So I lose track of this crazed man and eventually have to stop at a stop light.

This is where it gets interesting.

This man got out of his car, came up to my car and started straight up pounding on my windows telling me to "get out of the fucking car, you fucking bitch". Um, are you serious? At this point I had to look at him and he was an man WELL into his sixties. Again, are you kidding? I am clearly a young woman and you are an old man and maybe I should have let you go but this is how you act? Like a deranged lunatic? And I am so sure I will get out of the car. I would love to add "The Tale of The Old Man Beating" to my collection of Weird Things That Have Happened To Me, but I'm sorry. no. He continued banging on my windows and calling me every name you can possibly think of while I, kind of in shock, stared at him half smiling gabbing away with my brother.

Me: Some guy is pounding on my windows calling me a bitch
My brother: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU!?
Me: Stopped at a red light, he is REALLY mad!
My brother: Why are you so calm?
Me: I have no idea.

And I didn't. In reality this assault on my car lasted maybe 20 seconds but it felt like FOREVER.

I suppose I was in shock or something. I did look in my rearview mirror and see he had a woman about his age sitting in the passenger seat and I immediately felt REALLY bad for her. If this is how the man who I assume to be her husband acts with a complete stranger for not letting him in front of her on the road, imagine how he acts at home with people he actually knows. YEESH.

So when the light changes I calmly continue on my way as the Crazy Man gets back in his car and for a mile or so I thougth he was following me so I went on a little drive to make sure he was not, before I went home. I was still on the phone with my brother and was chatting about something completely different when a few minutes later I was like HOLY SHIT DO YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME!? and promptly freaked out. Peter was like "Thank God I was wondering why you were so calm, you were freaking ME out".

Honestly, after my delayed reaction came into play I was so scared. I didn't even want to go back to my apartment. What if that man lives around here and took down my license plate while he was tailgating me? I went to the parking lot of a local store and say there for a few minutes figuring out if I was safe to go home. But as the fear washed over me, so did the SUPER PISSED OFFNESS. How dare this asshole scare me? Who does he think he is? I drove home, checking in my rearview mirror periodically for a blue Toyota. And when I got home I poured myself a glass of wine and told Adam the story.

After he was done being enraged (and told me "I wish I had been in the car with you! I would have beat him with my crutch!), he told me I should have gotten the guys license plate but that did not even occur to me at the time. The whole time he was attacking my car I was like in this zone where I was telling my brother what was happening like it wasn't happening to me. I told Adam I was scared that now this guy would be like out to get me since my car has a fairly recognizable bumper sticker on it and I assume this guy might live around here). I told him I was going to take the bumper sticker off my car and maybe take a different way home for a few days until I felt better.

But this morning when I awoke, all traces of fear had worn off and all that was left was, again, SUPER PISSED OFFNESS. Who is this man to make me take off my bumper sticker that I love or to make me go an inconvenient way home. You know what, fuck him! I'm not going to take my awesome bumper sticker off and I won't drive home the long way beacuse I didn't do anything wrong and this guy is a bully and an asshole. If for some reason I do run into him on the road again and he does anything, that is just further proof that he is a nutjob and I would waste no time getting his plate number and driving right to the police station.

And now, when I think of my own "road rage" I really think I have to downgrade it to "road annoyed" or maybe "road perturbed" because real rage, in action, is some scary scary shit.