Breakfast Hierarchy
They say you are what you eat and in my office, this is definitely true. We have what I like to call Breakfast Cliques in my work. Whatever you eat for breakfast causes you to be judged if not by everyone, than just by me but hey, judgement is judgement.
To me the breakfast hierarchy is as follows
1) Healthy Kids: who eat something that involves wheat, flax, whey, bran AND a dairy product like milk or yogurt. Bonus points for an unidentifiable smoothie/shake. They are at the top of the food chain because watching them eat their breakfast will immediately make you feel bad about yours, if you are in any of the following other categories.
2) Dunks Kids - Enough said.
3) Non Breakfast Eaters (except for coffee)
4)Garbage Pail Kids - People who eat whatever for breakfast, sometimes not even breakfast type foods. You will not be surprised that this is my category. I eat pretty much garbage for breakfast. Usually a large diet coke and a special K bar and then later in the morning some kind of crackers or pretzels. Whatever snack food I happen to have in my desk at the time. But if I had Chinese Food the night before I will have the leftover lo mein, cold, because that is the best breakfast ever.
5) Burger King/McDonalds breakfast eaters. They are only lower than the Garbage Pail Kids because the smell of a breakfast sandwich from either of these places will linger in your office all damn day. I DO get my large diet coke from here though most mornings, because a huge diet coke with tons of ice for $1.77 is a good deal in my book, much better than paying $1.00 for a little can at work.
In any case the Garbage Pail Kids are the most shit upon clique at work because they suffer the fate that every working person loathes, having to talk about what you are eating. Besides "Maybe you can help me..", the most hated phrase for me at work is "What's that you got there!?" in reference to something I am eating/heating up in the microwave. I don't know why but it enrages me. Why do you care what I am eating. It's 99% of the time something totally identifiable so why ask me? So that when I tell you you can be like "OMG WHO EATS HUMMUS AND CARROTS FOR BREAKFAST!" "I CANT BELIEVE YOU ARE DRINKNG SODA AT 8AM!!", etc.
The only day on which we are all equal is Panera Day (every other Friday we get free bagels and cream cheese from Panera and even the health nuts fight over the last Asiago Cheese bagel) but in a perfect world, we could all be breakfast equals. Even the Burger King sandwich eaters.
Oh but if every day could be a Panera Day.
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19 comments:
What's wrong with Diet Coke and leftovers for breakfast?
That's what I'm saying!
I have recently given up carbs (I totally have a bridesmaid dress to squeeze into in three weeks) so my black iced coffee and string cheese breakfast are constantly being scrutinized.
Everytime someone makes a comment I feel the urge to gouge their eyes out. Is that super violent and wrong?
omg. good. because I really get annoyed when someone asks me "what I got there" or "What are you putting on your salad?" (as I'm holding the jar of pepperonchinis!) I want to respond "bananas" next time.
argh! eff off and leave me alone.
Oh, banana and yogurt eater here.
Ah, I get the "I can't believe you're drinking a Diet Coke at 8 am" all the time. I usually respond with a cheery, "This is my second one of the day." because it usually is. I don't understand all of the breakfast judgment either.
i think we can all agree, diet coke in the AM is the bomb
Amen to that...especially if it's a diet coke with LIME. YUM.
One of my first roommates in MA had this obnoxious habit of walking into the kitchen and asking "whatca fixin'?" in her irritating nasal-y voice. EVERY NIGHT. Seriously, even if she saw me standing there with a box of pasta and a jar of sauce in my hands she would ask. And I did want very badly to look her in the just once and say "omelets" or something equally obnoxious/sarcastic.
Oh, and I rarely eat breakfast at all, although that gets me in trouble with the bf these days. He's protective, that one.
there is a woman in my office who heats up the nastiest stuff everyday for breakfast. It is usually BACON with whatever smelly thing she can cook up. Sometimes its hotdogs or hamburgers. All of it requires MAYO MUSTARD or Ketchup. NOT that i do not love barbecue or a good burger BUT this happens at 9am and RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK. I have started to ask her to turn the fan on so it blows some of the smell another way....but when you are a person trying to lose weight like me....its not easy to smell greasy things and even if you have had breakfast already(like i usually eat breakfast BEFORE i get to work....its hard not to crave greasy stuff after that.....I have resluted to spraying LYSOL right after she leaves the room
God i cannot wait til we move to the new office in DECEMBER
cold pizza is yummy for breakfast too. :)
Marisa:)
EXACTLY!!! this is why the BK/McD's breakfasts bother me so much. It's hard to enjoy hummus and carrots when the smell of sausage mcmuffins are in the air. sad, but true.
Pretty much, My old office had a cafe next to it and the smell of bacon would waft throughout the office. Needless to say, I put on 20 pounds.
oh how i am glad someone else out there knows what i am throwing down.
I almost hate to admit it in this crowd, but I fall solidly into the healthy kid catagory. Plain Cheerios, Lactaid, and half a banana for me. Every morning.
PJ is more of a non-breakfaster. Or, when he is, he's a total garbage pail kid. I don't get how last night's cold leftovers look like a tasty breakfast treat, but hey, at least he's eating something. I won't dis.
Today at my office was Double Chocolate Cake bfast day left over from Birthday Wednesday. Being a bride to be I scowled at all who were partaking and offered a snide who eats chocolate cake for bfast comment as I walked away secretly thinking:
1. Bill Cosby finds it perfectly fine to eat chocolate cake for bfast.
2. I hate each and every one of you deeply because I cannot have cake.
Had to leave another comment for Lori - I just got married in May. And I also went through diet hell pre-wedding.
Just remember: you know that that whole top of your wedding cake? It's yours. And that myth about saving it for your one year anniversary is b.s. PJ and I ate our cake top the second we got back from our honeymoon. We're just going to have another recreated by our baker next year. We're not the only ones to do this...my sister and bro-in-law did it too. You'll make up for that lost piece of cake, don't worry! Post-wedding, there'll be enough to last several breakfasts.
I do have to say that I prefer the French Toast bagel from Panera...along with an iced tea. If I don't have Panera then its usually a diet coke for me too, only because not many places have Diet Dr Pepper (I'm a fountain soda fan!)
YES fountain soda is the shiz, far above all other forms of soda (can, bottle, etc).
in my office it is panera day everyday!! well not from panera, but two trays of bagels, muffins and pastries. I stick to the oatmeal.
Asiago cheese bagel from Panera + fountain diet coke w/ice from McDonalds = World's Perfect Breakfast(tm)
hahaha, OMG I loved this post!!! We totally have those cliques at work! In my own cube/bullpen even! I'm the "non breakfast/coffee" of the group. My co worker Steve is a Garbage Pail - he'll eat like, gumbo at 8am!!! If he's hungry, he doesnt' care, he eats it.
And then the older women in the office are the healthy kids because they're almost always dieting.
hahaha, I loved this!!!!! :)
You crack me up. :)
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