Razor Reminisces (alternative title: A Shaving Story)

Just because you get something free in the mail, doesn't mean it's something GOOD.

Especially when that something involves a very sharp blade.

My mother always told me "Once you start shaving, your hair will grow back thicker and BLACK". These visions of werewolfness did not deter me though. Shaving = womanhood and at 13 years old BY GOD I was a woman.

My first adventures in shaving were borne not out of neccesity but out of convenience. My dad kept a bag of his navy blue disposable BIC razors in the bathroom cabinet and so one morning I helped myself to one of them and went to town on my legs. Ten minutes later, covered in pieces of tissue to quell the blood that coursed out of knicks on my knees, shin and ankle bones I smiled through the pain because hello? Shaving is so cool!

This went on for a few years until I got a part time job and had my own money to do what I wanted with. This brought with it a trip to CVS (my first trip there with my own money. swoon!), where I promptly bought this oddly shaped razor because it was so much prettier than the blue ones I had been using.

I found out soon enough it is disc shaped so it is easier to hold onto when you are faint from blood loss.

So back to the Bics I went for a few more years, sometimes supplementing them with the Pink Daisies for variance's sake and because sometimes I sucuumb to the M.O. "If it's pink, I must buy it".

In any case, my life changed forever five or six years ago when the best razor ever was introduced. The Venus.

No more knicks. No more cuts. It was a blessing. And it even came with it's own handy dandy hook to hang it on in the shower. So for the past five or so years everything has been on the up and up as far as shaving is concerned. Even my scars are practically, if not totally, gone!

Now, when something works for you, there is no need to mess with it, right? That's how I always felt. Until last month when randomly I got a little present in the mail from CVS

The letter that came with it was something to the effect of "Hey we know you like Venus so we thought you might love the Venus Breeze!". Basically it is the Venus, but with two strips/mini bars of soap/moisterizer above and under the razor so theoretically you would not need any shaving gel.

I figured, why not? I will give it a whirl.

What the letter should have said was "It has been five or six years since you last nearly sawed your leg off with a razor, we have decided to end that reign of woundlessness with this free gift which seems like an innocuous shaving implement and at first feels great but is sure to rip off large chunks of your skin at a time. But at least what little skin you have left will smell and feel pretty thanks to the moisterizing strips.

YEGADS!

And the thing is, the first time I used it I didn't even realize how bad I cut myself until I got out of the shower and was like "Weird why is there a gigantic blood stain on the rug? Oh. I see. It's from the stream of blood emanating from my ankle. Neat".

So I am running back to regular ol' no frills Venus with open arms.

And heavily bandaged legs.