The Pink Shoe Diaries

The more I think about it, the more I realize how superstitious I am.

Not so much in the way that I won't step on cracks in the pavement, or I go around throwing salt over my shoulder....but I definitely have some bugaboos. Things I must do before I do other things or else I think the outcome will be unfortunate.

So maybe we should say ritualistic, rather than superstitious.

For instance: in my company we have get reviewed by our superiors ever three months. Considering that before this job I never had a review in my life this initially proved to be a super nerve-wracking experience. Now, I have a deep respect for hubris...I really do believe if you crow too loudly about how good things are going then something bad will happen, so at work I am never like "Wow I am am great at what I do!", even if I am doing a bangup job. Likewise, the first year I worked here I was convinced before each review that it would be AWFUL. I would try and think of all the bad things they could possibly say about me and then rebut them in my head so I would be prepared for the negativity. I would even go so far as to look at the Want Ads the night before and save some that loooked promising "Just in case"

They always turned out fine....and then the sense of relief I felt was MONUMENTAL.

What's even more sick is that even now, when I am somewhat used to reviews and I know I am going a great job, I still feel like I HAVE to talk about how bad I think I am going to do, and I always ALWAYS look at the want ads the night before just in case. It just keeps me calmer during the actual review.

And it has worked in the past, right?

There are other things, too. Where I get off the highway is a little treacherous..basically three exits from three different highways converge into one and I have to get all the way from the left to the right lane pretty much immediately which can prove daunting at times. About 100 feet before the intersection is a Yellow traffic sign showing the shape of the upcoming merger. I ALWAYS put my blinker on before that sign even though it is a little early and really no one puts their blinker on anyway. But I feel like if I put my blinker before I get there, then I will get across the highway smoothly and without incident.

And hey, it has worked so far!!

With scratch tickets, I have to scratch all of my numbers first before the winning numbers. I wish I could say this has worked so far but the most I ever won on a scratch ticket was $40 and that was only ONCE. And in my heart of hearts obviously I know it makes no difference in what order you scratch a scratch ticket....but I feel compelled to do it this way, like it might make any difference.

Of course there are other weird little rituals. Nothing too weird but just strange enough for me to be like "I am a little odd, oui?". I assume I get this from my mother who I have always believed to have a mild form of OCD. Not like Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets but more like Monica on Friends. The woman can NOT sleep if there is a dirty dish in the sink or a crumb on the counter. And lord knows a dirty dish never cost me a good night's sleep.

One may even go so far as to call me a minor SLOB.

(I bet Adam wishes I had my mother's form of OCD, and not my little non-cleaning-related compulsions.)

IN any case I was talking about this to a coworker who was not only not surprised, but told me about some of his bugaboos. Some of which were worse than mine! So I guess maybe everyone has a little ritualist inside of them.

And if it makes you feel better about things in the long run, what's the harm?


(famous last words, right?)