Monday, August 07, 2006

The more I think about it, the more I realize how superstitious I am.

Not so much in the way that I won't step on cracks in the pavement, or I go around throwing salt over my shoulder....but I definitely have some bugaboos. Things I must do before I do other things or else I think the outcome will be unfortunate.

So maybe we should say ritualistic, rather than superstitious.

For instance: in my company we have get reviewed by our superiors ever three months. Considering that before this job I never had a review in my life this initially proved to be a super nerve-wracking experience. Now, I have a deep respect for hubris...I really do believe if you crow too loudly about how good things are going then something bad will happen, so at work I am never like "Wow I am am great at what I do!", even if I am doing a bangup job. Likewise, the first year I worked here I was convinced before each review that it would be AWFUL. I would try and think of all the bad things they could possibly say about me and then rebut them in my head so I would be prepared for the negativity. I would even go so far as to look at the Want Ads the night before and save some that loooked promising "Just in case"

They always turned out fine....and then the sense of relief I felt was MONUMENTAL.

What's even more sick is that even now, when I am somewhat used to reviews and I know I am going a great job, I still feel like I HAVE to talk about how bad I think I am going to do, and I always ALWAYS look at the want ads the night before just in case. It just keeps me calmer during the actual review.

And it has worked in the past, right?

There are other things, too. Where I get off the highway is a little treacherous..basically three exits from three different highways converge into one and I have to get all the way from the left to the right lane pretty much immediately which can prove daunting at times. About 100 feet before the intersection is a Yellow traffic sign showing the shape of the upcoming merger. I ALWAYS put my blinker on before that sign even though it is a little early and really no one puts their blinker on anyway. But I feel like if I put my blinker before I get there, then I will get across the highway smoothly and without incident.

And hey, it has worked so far!!

With scratch tickets, I have to scratch all of my numbers first before the winning numbers. I wish I could say this has worked so far but the most I ever won on a scratch ticket was $40 and that was only ONCE. And in my heart of hearts obviously I know it makes no difference in what order you scratch a scratch ticket....but I feel compelled to do it this way, like it might make any difference.

Of course there are other weird little rituals. Nothing too weird but just strange enough for me to be like "I am a little odd, oui?". I assume I get this from my mother who I have always believed to have a mild form of OCD. Not like Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets but more like Monica on Friends. The woman can NOT sleep if there is a dirty dish in the sink or a crumb on the counter. And lord knows a dirty dish never cost me a good night's sleep.

One may even go so far as to call me a minor SLOB.

(I bet Adam wishes I had my mother's form of OCD, and not my little non-cleaning-related compulsions.)

IN any case I was talking about this to a coworker who was not only not surprised, but told me about some of his bugaboos. Some of which were worse than mine! So I guess maybe everyone has a little ritualist inside of them.

And if it makes you feel better about things in the long run, what's the harm?

(famous last words, right?)


ka-rista said...

I shared some stuff with my friends Mom whom was psychology classes. She gave me the once over and said "oh honey, that is a disorder".

No, its a ritual!

Sarah said...

Disorder, Ritual. Tomayto, Tomahto.

Nicky said...

This is the perfect discussion for today! Wanna hear one of my newest superstitions?
I've been trying to keep what my wedding dress looks like a secret from PJ. This weekend a mutual friend blabbed to her husband - who, in turn, blabbed to PJ about it! First, what on earth would possess you to tell the groom about my gown??? Second, my superstitious self tweaked out about it. I know he didn't actually see me in it before the wedding, but it's pretty close in my book. Now I'm convinced it's bad luck. )o:

Sarah said...

WHO WOULD BLAB TO A GROOM ABOUT HIS BRIDE'S DRESS!? that is the worst kind of ignorance. i am shocked and appalled. however, though i can see why you would feel superstitious about it, it really is not like he SAW it. your dress has all these gorgeous intricate "extras" and i would be very surprised if any man could describe with enough detail for PJ to actually be able to picture it. Maybe he was just like "it's pretty and white!!". :-)

Nicky said...

Well, he knows it's strapless which was THE big surprise, since you wouldn't normally catch me dead in strapless anything. And lacy. But PJ's a good boy and interrupted aformentioned secret-spiller by saying, "Um, I don't think I'm supposed to know what it looks like." Then it was apologies all around. Too late. )o:
Though, you're right. Men don't generally know one white gown from the next.