Monday, August 07, 2006

If I am to have any kind of faith in horoscopes....I sincerely hope that the one for Pisces today says something like this:

People to avoid at all costs today, if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed:

1) Those who put needless "a"s in front of words when they speak. Like "I don't know awhat I am doing!!". See also "hwhat?".

2) The person who calls your work to get directions and 1) are already in their car on the way here and thus have NO way of writing anything down and 2) have no idea where they are or what constitutes "a landmark". So when you ask "What are you near!?" they feel an appropriate repsonse is "Some big houses!!". And when you express some difficulty in getting them from point A to point B with no geographical info, they utter in exasperation "Don't you KNOW the location of the building you work in!?"

3)The coworker who feels it neccessary to announce loudly whatever is on your computer screen as she walks by. "Oh MYSPACE!? My daughter is on that!" or "What is that? Is that a critter on your screen? Is that X-rated!?!" (sidenote: It was a pop-up ad for pest control)

4)Anyone with a popped collar. Are you a frat boy? Are you going to slip a roofie into the punch? No? Then this look is not for you. And not for me to have to look at.

Maybe that is too much to ask of a horoscope but if I could get SOME kind of heads up on the sort of folks that are set to pepper my day that would be nice. You know, just so I can add a shot of Bailey's in my morning coffee.

Or, you know, replace it entirely with a Bloody Mary.


ka-rista said...

sarah. Meet my boss.


me: X engineering, Krista speaking
boss: Krista, could you tell me x's number
me: 978...
me: sigh

Also, insert asking for directions. Happens about 5879634670927 times a week.

kim said...

aww, coffee & bailey's = SUPERYUMMI!

PS: it'll be friday soon :)

Jolene said...

mmmm bailey's and coffee!
at least you can access myspace at work! it's blocked for me. :-(
Saturday when I was at the bar I was VERY tempted to go up to a guy with a popped collar and act all into him so I could put my hand on his shoulder and quickly put his collar down and smile and walk away. Shoulda done it!!

Sarah said...

yeah you should have! i personally like to ask "you know you're collar's sticking up, right?". just in case it's a mistake :-P

e$ said...

bloody mary...

... mmmm ...

Sarah said...

i like how you guys just zero in on the booze.

Marilyndrew said...

Please add people who add needless "S" s to the end of their words.

Such as: I am going to "Meijers" after work to shop.

The word is not plural, there is no S.

Also, people who use "good" when they mean "well."

I may not be able to spell, but I am fluent in the English langauge.

Stacey said...

My company interviews a lot of people for tutoring positions in an average week, so I get the "i need directions" phone calls CONSTANTLY. Did you notice how people never have any idea what street they're on? I mean, you had to turn onto it, right? No idea at all of the name?

Sarah said...

exactly!!! and i mean i am not a total D-bag, i think if you are lost then you should be able to get directions from someone who knows the area but if you have NO idea where you are doesnt it make more sense to stop at a gas station and ask, rather than call me, someone who does not have the magic ability to figure out where you are based on the background sounds on your cell phone?

Mr. & Mrs. Cappella said...

I speak english wicked good and stuffs like that. I also work in a big building anear a dunks n' donutses.


Sarah said...

i'm psyched that you managed to make "donuts" even more plural than it already is.

Anonymous said...

off topic but needed to be remembered: WHAT FUCK???
<3 :(|)

Sarah said...

yeah!!!!monkey in the comments! look out!