Wednesday, June 14, 2006

What is it about me that screams "Hey weirdos, hop on!"?

Seriously, I know that I am a little too willing to engage in conversation with less than normal people because either 1) they catch me off guard or 2) I am just that bored. But it would be nice to get through a work week without a toothless woman yelling at me to get away from her man.

You know?

I was at the local wine&beer mart picking up a bottle of wine and some overpriced crackers (seriously $4.50 for triscuits? They are like $2 at Shaws. I'm glad someone is profiting from my laziness). I got in line behind a slightly filthy, swaying man in cutoff jeans and a stained husband-beater. The person in front of him was evidently stocking up for a storm because she had two baskets of goods (no carriagies in this piece!). So Mr Filth took this opportunity to strike up a convo with the young lady behind him i.e. moi.

"You get wet?" he leered
"Excuse me?" I asked
"You get wet from all that rain?"
I looked down at my perfectly dry blouse and skirt and shook my head "No, I'm good".
Since my degree of "wetness" was a dead end he moved on
"You like wine?" , he asked, gesturing at my bottle with his 6 pack of Bud
"Uh huh, yeah!"
He then grabbed the wine from my hand and announced "$10.99!?? You know you can get TWO six packs of beer for less than that"
(shocked at his math skills )"Well I don't really like beer but thanks for telling me!"
He stared at me a moment and laughed "I like you" he said.


At this point another young woman joined the conversation. She donned a sort of babydoll type tank dress with sequins all over it, over denim cutoffs, and a large tattoo of I think a dragon snaked up her leg. She put her hand on the rear end of the man, and said to him "You know her skirt is too short".

No she didn't! First of all it was not too short it was a work appropriate KNEE length. Second of all let she with all her teeth cast the first stone!

Instead of snarking, which may have compelled her to put her hands on me and for me to then have contracted syphillus, I laugh-snorted and busied myself with the Weekly World News, no longer engaging in pleasantries with the lovely couple. She then engaged in a conversation with her (I assume) boyfriend about how SHE hates the kind of people who come into this store.

I'm sure I can relate. I hate those types of people. You know, clean, polite, teeth-having types.

But when you shop at a store that sells cigarettes not in packs but one by one, thems the breaks! I will be damned if I will drive the .5 miles to the next liquor store.


clipper829 said...

All of this went down in NEWTON? Quelle horreur!


Sarah said...

hells no! it happened in Quincy (obvi) :-)

Sue said...

haha -- love it. I get crazies talking to me all the time too. I live in NYC, one time I was on the subway on my way to a meeting and I broke the cardinal rule of making eye contact with some crazy homeless guy. Not wanting to be rude I kept up some semblance of a conversation, so I get to my stop and he goes "I'll get off with you" So now I'm a bit nervous I'm going to get knifed in the stairwell but its a pretty popular station so I knew there'd be cops. So there we are walking down the street, and he wants to come into the office building with me, obviously this wont fly so I offer to buy him a cup of coffee, he proposes marraige and we both go about our day. You can't make this stuff up!

Lindsay said...

Freaking HILARIOUS. I don't know about "your people", Sarah, but down here? Teeth are SO 2004.

Lys said...

You sure some Florida Rednecks didn't escape and relocate to Mass? Damn!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical! And to think that this happened in Quincy of all places. I thought Quincy was full of rich people. Come to Lynn and I'll show you a bunch of crazy people LOL

The Pink Kitty said...

that was an awesome story! I never knew that I could get two six packs of beer for the cost of your bottle of wine ;) Good to know.

AmyD said...

Hahaha! The visuals I received as I read this were dead-on, I'm sure. You KNOW you were asking for it, what with your cute skirt and your pearly whites. ;o)

Matt said...

so about your post about how no one comments....i feel ya on that....its like i get like 40 hits a day and like 5 comments...what the hell are the other 35 doing? huh huh!

carrotpenis said...

You should take quick trip to Walmart. These folks sound like the high society compared to the people that shop there.

Nicky said...

"clean, polite, teeth-having types" = SNORT!!! Thanks for the chuckle. I can always count on you to perk up a drowsy Thursday.

Anonymous said...

Ok so I relent and concur and all that jazz - you have asked for comments and so comment I shall. I discovered your blog about a year ago (PINK and SHOE is all it took) and think you are funnee and wittee and thus I keep reading...

More specifically:

Shopping - good
Hating on the office - good
Amusing anecdotes re. rendezvous with random folks - good.

I utterly relate to you, 10,000 miles away in a little office in Sydney - hair dilemma's and all.

Keep writing!!


kim said...

OMG lindsay - "Teeth are SO 2004" - this just about made me spit my coffee all over my keyboard. awesome!

PS: i'm glad you didn't get wet from all that rain, sarah :D