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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

DUI (Driving while Under the Influence)
OUI (Operating while Under the Influence)
DD (Designated Driver)

And now we must add yet another term to the lexicon of Operating a Vehicle.

DDH (Driving with Diva Hands)

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Diva Hands: allow me to MSpaint you a picture



And in case you haven't ever seen me in karaoke action, you should know I am a vertiable flailing mass of Divaness when I get behind the mic.



But the Diva Hands don't just come out when I am at The Milky Way on a Tuesday or at The Cottage on a Thursday or at Pat Flanagan's on a Wednesday. They come out in the shower, when I sing along with Annie Lennox. They come out at parties when we all simutaneously burst into Mariah Carey songs (this happens more than you think). And lastly, the Diva Hands come out when I am in my car, singing along with whatever is on the radio.

I used to believe that nothing bad can come of using Diva Hands, they are merely form of musical expression. I Sing, therefore I have Diva Hands. BUt when you are DDH, people can mistake your diva hands for other, less fabulous hand motions.

For instance, on my way to work, I have to get off Rt 128 at the treacherous Exit 23-24-25 which is (if you can't add) three exits rolled into one. The people coming from 128 merge with the people coming from the Mass Pike (known from here on out as Assholes) in what I am sure the Mass Highway Department thought would be a happy single lane.



Only the Assholes, who are required to Yield, as stated on SEVERAL signs, chose to Do What They Want and fly past the Yield signs so that those of us who have the right of way are faced with near death experiences pretty much every morning.

I am of the opinion that if you are supposed to yield to me, you are going to MFing YIELD to me. I don't wait for them, I just go and if they hit me it's their fault Life is too short to be waiting for Assholes to let you go. I just GO.

And usually this works.

Only in this case, this morning I was listening to a little remixed J Lo in the car and had the Diva Hand out in full force and as I waved my left hand around to "I feel like there's no limit to what i can dooooooo", The Asshole on my left saw that ( I assume ) as a wave to "go ahread) so he sped up, nearly clipping my car in the process.

So while I do love DDH. I think that I may have to tone it down in the future. If only for the safety of others on the road.

4 comments:

Mr. & Mrs. Cappella said...

DDH! I do that too... usually only while stopped at traffic lights though, so the person pulled up next to me can see it perfectly!! :-P
~J

Andy said...

Work! Is that Samantha Mumba at Top of the Pops?! Love her! You know I DDH constantly. Others drivers must be like 'How deluded! He thinks he's in a parade!' lol

Sarah said...

so close! it's Mariah at Top of the Pops...look at that ripped off waistband! who else could it be.

i haven't though about Samantha Mumba in forever. thanks for reminding me!

e$ said...

i hate that exit more than life itself. for real.