The Pink Shoe Diaries

my doctor is surrounded by an impenatrable field of bitches.

It’s true. I have not been able to get an appointment with the man in I don’t know how long. Whenever I call, one of three receptionists answer the phone and patronize me, annoy me, or bitch at me and always end their diatribe with the following “you can go to the walk in clinic”

Um, I have a Primary Care Physician so I don’t have to GO to walk in clinics. See, how it works is: I call you and say I am sick, and you respond with a time that the doctor is available and I accept that time and then I have what is called “an appointment” meaning I show up at that specific time and the doctor sees me.

they are oblivious to the process.

And I really like my doctor. I had the same doctor since I was born until I was 20 and got the “Sarah, you are really too old to be seeing a pediatrician still” talk. And then I shopped around for a new one but couldn’t find anyone I liked. You see, I like male doctors because going to a woman doctor turns into a mini women’s studies session (for me) usually. I don’t want to talk about my sex life, or my breasts, or my feelings (this is why I have a gyno). I just want you to tell me what is wrong with me and fix it. No fuss, no muss. So after 2 different women doctors I found Dr. W with his huge bottle-thick glasses and shy demeanor and monotone voice.

I love him.

but his office staff are clearly from hell.

I could call and say “I have a fever of 103, I can’t breathe, my skin is green!” and they would say “um, how’s November 15th for you?”.

and they have no sense of protocol. Dr. W and i had a few good years when his practice was smaller, where I could call and say "that sinus thing is back" and he would say "i'll call in a 'script for Flonase at CVS, it should be there in an hour".

but not anymore. i can't even get him on the phone now. he's gone all P-Diddy on me.

And since this embarrassing hot tub incident I cannot afford to mess around. I want this taken care of asap and I am NOT going to a walk in clinic to sit amongst the kind of people who go to these kinds of places.

You know. SICK people. Ick.

so this morning i call and give the usual song and dance and they of course say their line and i am like "F this". so i call back, and ask for Marguertite, who is my mom's good friend and a nurse in the office. and when M gets on the phone i am all "hi this is J. Stewart's daughter, Sarah how are you?" and she is all "oh my god how are you!?" and i am all "not so great, can I some time with Dr W today?" and she is all "sure, come in at 4"

easy as pie.

why didn't i think of this before?