Sunday, May 18, 2003

Sarah and Meaghan's Guide to Partying All Night Long

1) Arrive fashionably late, after all your friends from home have already left: thus you will be forced to make new friends

2) Dress up for the occasion (a dress preferably, but skirts can function as well.) When told "You are too dressed up" Respond with "I'm sorry no, I am dressed up just enough!"

3) Bring a gift for the host, you will appear both thoughtful and generous. Especially if someone steals one of the gifts by accident and you call everyone at the party an asshole.

4)Bring up radical conversation topics with people you don't know. Suitable topics include: Your deep hatred for Michael Moore. If brought up will incur incredulous stares and passionate protestations, possibly even dislike. Then it's time to throw in your thoughts on the Myth of the Liberal Media. You will have leave them stammering and dumbfounded. Another suitable topic is your philosophy on relationships, especially if it's a widely unpopular one (like, if you believe that cheating is ok, as long as they're not saying "I Love You" to someone else). This will not only become the topic everyone is discussing, but will also lead to an assorted amount of boys cornering you and giving you "If...Then" propositons.

5) Start a dance party to Stevie Wonder songs. Be sure your dance moves look a little like a strip tease. Beware of the Britney though, it is known to make people punch through glass windows.

6) Tell the boy who has been annoying you all night that you wish he was dead. Then laugh. (He deserved it, you know)

7) Start a waterfight in the kitchen. This is always a good time because then not only are you soaking wet, but the floor is wet as well and someone might take a digger in your precense. That would be funny.

8) At around 4AM, when everyone has been drinking for at least 4 hours, start talking about racism, and then throw something (like your drink?) at the first person who makes a racist joke.

9) Keep drinking steadily until at least 5AM, then switch to potato chips.

10) Make out with whoever's left

11) Leave by 6:30 and head straight for the nearest Bickfords. Order a Lumberjack and chat up the married men sitting next to you. Bonus points if one of them starts talking about his 12 year old son's internet porn addiciton.

12) Drive to the beach, stand on the sand wrapped in a blanket and think about going swimming, but don't actually do it because you are still drunk

13) It's 7:30AM for Christ's sake. Go home and sleep it off!

The next day, go and see a movie, such as Down With Love, because I have never encountered a better hangover cure than Ewan McGregor. Me-ow.

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