Tuesday, April 22, 2003

alright, despite the mounting anxiety i am feeling about school, and my desire as of late to fly off the handle into murderous rages : this weekend was a flurry of highlights. Saturday Night was spent on a date with my and your favorite couple: Jenn and Mike. We went to Unos and discussed the normal topics of dinner conversation: school, work, how to commit and get away with murder (icicles probably wouldn't pierce the breast plate, we decided) and of course Mike's brother's ass without which no conversation would be complete.

Easter Sunday was smashing, as is any time I get to hang out with the extended Stewart clan. My cousins and I like to talk about three things and three things only: gossip, drinking and money. I managed not to get tipsy as I usually do at family events. I did, however, exemplify myself as the epitome of high class by drinking White Zin out of a plastic dixie cup. The best part of the day was when my seven year old cousin, Patrick, appeared in the doorway of the living roo,- clutching a Sam Adams he was sipping (or as we found out later, pretending to sip at the behest of my Uncle Bob) followed closely by Grandma forcing my cousin Matthew to go on the easter egg hunt with "the other little kids". Matthew is 16 years old.

I rested up as much as possible following this shindig because Monday marked my First Foray to Foxwoods with my mom, the Stewart Aunts and Grandma. We left at 10AM, piled into Aunt Marylin's minivan and singing along to Van Morrison. My mother kept making this same joke over and over "We'r virgins! Be gentle with us" referring to the fact that her and I had never been to Foxwoods. It got old very quickly and everyone seemed to notice except poor Jacqueline. Aunt Marla laughed but clearly didn't get it when she responded "Ok, we won't penetrate you!" And then there is Grandma: who I love madly and who is at the age where she thinks "I will say whatever I want and no one is going to do a damn thing about it!" as she joined in on sex jokes and general male-bashing going on. I will say this about the Stewart Aunts: they may look classy with their expertly highlighted hair, in their Ann Taylor pant suits and Coach backpacks but they have a streak of sailor in them, believe me. Anyway, upon arrival and the getting our Wampum Cards we were heralded downstairs, where the slots are, and given the Cardinal Rules by Grandma, a Foxwoods regular.

Only use the 25 cent machines.
Don't cash out while you're still hot
Stay with a "lucky" machine when you find it
Try and position yourself near a restroom.

After all was said and done, Grandma was right when she looked proudly at me and said "She's a gambler!". In her terms, this is not neccessarily someone who wins, but someone who risks it all and doesn't give a f*ck. Although I have to admit, Grandpa had given us each $100 before we left so its not so much that I am willing to risk money but rather I'm willing to risk someone else's money. Of course, two minutes after my mother proclamed "I don't like gambling!" she won $250 and then refused to leave the machine she was on. She did pay for lunch though, so even though I left Foxwoods with only $20 of my original $100, I can feel good about the fact that according to my Wampum Points I put over $280 into the machines. By the end of the day I was completely exhausted, and in fact they had to drop me off before my 80 year old grandmother because I fell asleep in the car! Something about the din of mechanical beeps, the pling-plinging of quarters into cups and the adrenaline rush of winning combines to wipe me out like nothing else. I can't wait to go back.

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