The Pink Shoe Diaries

i love Real Estate euphemisms.

when i worked at the Evil Real-Estate Agency i was in charge of writing (i.e. fabricating) all the ads for apartments/houses were were listing. luckily my degree in English came in handy since i was already adept at the art of BS. throughout my many months working in that office, my BS skills became sharper than ever.

allow me to decipher some terms taken from actual ads on Craigslist.com

"adorable" = miniscule
"garden-level" = lock your windows 'cuz your apartment is on the street
"no fee" = the landlord jacked up the rent to pay the realtor
"country setting" = no hope of public transportation
"dazzling, spacious studio!" = hop on your unicorn and come see it!
"owner occupied" = no students or parties. or student parties.
"tenant at will" = we're trying to sell the place but want to make some $$ in the meantime.
"Includes refrigerator/freezer, stove" = we ran out of things to put in the ad.
"freshly painted" = someone was murdered here
"renovated" = craphole
"heat/hotwater included" = this apartment will be 90 degrees in the winter. constantly. and there is not a damn thing you will be able to do about it.



oh and i had to show you this ad: just to delineate that one small spelling mistake can totally negate your meaning.

"LOVELY HOMELY 2 B/ROOM APARTMENT"


and this one, to show that you should not post in the real estate section when you really mean to post on the personals section

Seek Sweet Honest Female to Share Studio


god, i miss working real estate. (not)