Thursday, April 15, 2010

Variations on a Theme

Recently news broke that has severely impacted my commute to work. A bridge that I travel on every day, a bridge that is in many ways the only convenient way for me to get to the highway, is undergoing construction.

For three years.

Woo hoo!!!

This segment of the construction involves shutting down all but one lane heading towards the highway. The other side of the bridge remains open so the silver lining is my evening commute has not been affected at all.

But my morning commute has necessitated a change of routine.

I either have to leave about 20 minutes earlier than usual, something I don't mind doing that much, or if I am running late I have to find a new way entirely of getting to work because it won't even be worth it to attempt to wait in the traffic to cross the bridge.

So today, I decided to suss out a new route.

Armed with little else but my crappy sense of direction and a medium Dunkin Dark iced coffee, I navigated my way through several surrounding towns and yes I eventually got where I needed to go. The route I sussed out was chock a block with other drivers whom I suspect were also trying to avoid the bridge and thus I sat in traffic/ dodged terrible drivers/hated life for just as long as I would have if I had just sat on the bridge. And at least them I could have been checking my email.

Anywho to amuse myself, I began cataloguing things I am fond of yelling in my car. Now, I wouldn't say I have road rage per se, but I can get QUITE po'd and yelling helps me calm down. Is that road rage? Maybe it is. But it's not like I'm chasing down cars who cut me off. At least not that often.

In any case I have noticed that my bleats of frustration fall into two main categories:

1)Addressing God (those religious in nature may want to skip that section)
2) Questioning people's seriousness.

In the first category we have the following favorites
Oh my f'ing God
F'ng Christ
Jesus F'ng Christ
Jesus Christ

In the second category we have these gems
Are you serious
Are you dead serious
Are you f'ng kidding me?
You are f'ing joking
You have got to be f'ing kidding me
This is an f'ing joke!

In any case, a coworker gave me a top secret NEW route to try that I am going to attempt tomorrow. If all goes well, I will be at work in my usual 30 minutes and will not be hoarse from yelling or white knuckled from clutching the steering wheel.

If not, if someone yells any above at you from a black Honda Civic, you know who it probably is.


Jenny said...

I fall HEAVILY into the second category, as well as honking (on occasion). Josh does not appreciate either. ;)

Amy said...

Haha! See, I'm more of a name-caller. And it's usually made up names that randomly come out of my mouth before I think - which helps with the blood pressure... I generally end up laughing because I just called someone a dinglefucker or something nonsensical.

Good luck with the new super secret route!

Melissa said...

LOL I say a lot of those same phrases when I'm driving!

Ashley said...

Haha - sounds just like me! My fav is 'are you f-ing kidding me?'

ryssee said...

Ugh I had the same exact thing happen, and then the bridge opened three months late!
All I can say is you will find an alternative way to go, and once everyone stops panicking, it won't be as bad as it is now and for the next two weeks.
Good luck!

Rebecca Jill said...

It's okay. I'm religious, and I have been known from time to time to say things in the first category.

Although now that I'm realizing it, I think I make facial expressions saying these expressions in traffic than I actually say them, but I'm sure if you were to see my expression, I'm definitely saying something from either both or one of those catgeories.

Mandy said...

This is some funny stuff.

Anonymous said...

As a Floridian, I spent the winter dodging the snowbirds on the roads. (Side note: What the hell are they doing driving around at 7am anyway!?) This year, my all time favorite outburst is "JESUS F*CK!" I guess with all the road raging I do, it has made me lazy and I've started shortening curse words.

Joanne said...

lol I've got to lay off of Facebook, I was looking for the "like" button. Anyhow I am jealous because usually when I'm driving my kids are in the car with me and censored phrases just don't give you the same satisfaction as saying the 'f' word.