Cat Piss Du-Wop

There are many things I love about coming home after a weekend away:
The sight of the sparkling blue ocean we speed past on the way to our apartment.
The relaxing stretch of legs that accompanies landing home after a long drive.
The unmistakable stench of cat piss in the foyer.

Ah yes.

Wait, scratch the last one. I just got caught up in the moment.

You see, we live in a pet free building. A VERY pet free building. Back when I thought having a cat might be a good idea I pleaded with our landlord. Adam and I offered a hefty pet deposit and to put in writing that whatever damages might possibly occur, we would cover. But alas the answer was always no. And as time went by I was almost glad that it WAS no because cats, while darling, stink a little. Well their litter boxes do. Which is something I never noticed as much since growing up we always had an indoor/outdoor cat. You know a cat who hangs out in the house when its shitty out or when it feels like it but also likes going outside for a few hours and usually comes when you call it back into the house. Sometimes. If it feels like it.

Anyway, yes if you have a tiny apartment and if you are not diligent about changing the litter box,, your place stinks. If you don't think it does you either never entertain, or your friends are too nice to bring it up. This is a fact. So in some ways I am glad that the landlord vetoed our idea.

But now I get to experience all the stinkiness of having a cat without the actual fun or companionship. Gee whiz!

One night a few months ago Adam came home and mentioned it smelled disgusting in the hall way and we both concurred it was definitely cat piss. Then for a week or so it was fine. Then again we smelled it. Could it be that someone in the building has a cat? A stinky cat at that? No who would do such a thing? Then one by one the clues came in. Kitty litter tracked in the hallway. The cat piss smell lingered. A Petco receipt in the foyer. The stench grows stronger.

Adam and Sarah: Pet Detectives were on the case.

Oh yes, we deduced, Some sneaky tenant has thwarted our landlord’s heated NO PETS EVER NO WAY NO HOW NO clause and decided to do what they want. I can’t fault them – it’s their lease they are violating, not mine. And it wouldn’t be any of my business but it just so happens they are also violating our olefactory glands as well since lately it has STUNK to high heaven of cat pee in the hallway. And I know that scent well. Anyone who has smelled it once, will never forget it. And it is a nasty, nasty smell.

And you know, we live in a decent building. In a clean building. And I don’t think it’s fair that I have to smell someone else’s lack of pet hygene. And you know me, I was all prepared to address the tenant about this situation. And I had a nice way of saying it. Something like “Oh I wanted to let you know that it s really obvious by the smell out in the hallway that you have a cat…so you might want to do something about it so the landlord doesn’t catch you”. Or something like that. Like try to frame it that I am more concerned the landlord will find out about the cat and make him or her get rid of it, than I am about the fact that the common areas in our small building smell putrid because he or she is a slob and can’t empty a litter box now and again.

The only problem with my plan was: I don’t know who it is that has a cat. I had narrowed it down to the 1 of the 2 basement units since it smells the worst on that floor (coincidentally also where the laundry is). But I thought knocking on the wrong door might cause undue unrest. And I am not the cat police up in here. I couldn’t care less if you have 1o cats as long as I don’t have to smell them from all the way up on the 3rd floor where no smell that I did not create belongs.

Then, luckily, a few days ago the case broke. I was arriving home from work, unloading groceries from the trunk when I spied with my little eye, this guy.



O hai!

I took the picture to send to Adam as proof that we were not imagining things. From the window, I can tell exactly which unit this is and lo, the tenant is the same person whose car alarm goes off all hours of the night. So she is used to offending everyone’s senses. I should have guessed.

In any case now that the case has been solved, it is time to take the next step. I will put it to a vote. If you lived in my building, a vehemently pet free building, and knew someone had a cat whose urine you could smell every time you stepped out of your apartment what would you do?

1) Slip a note under the door perhaps asking if they were letting their cat piss on the hallway carpets because how else would it smell so bad in the building?
2) Just knock on the door and be all concerned about the landlord finding out and asking them to please be careful (i.e. change the litterbox more than once a month)
3) Leave a spray can of Lysol at their door
4) Get over it

I know the popular response will be 4 but it SMELLS SO BAD. It’s embarrassing when people come over that they have to traipse through the dense stench of cat urine to get to our apartment. And I am not going to get the landlord involved, I am not a total dick and I would hate for the cat to be put out.

I just wish it didn’t smell like a cat’s ass when I opened my apartment door. Is that so much to ask? IS IT!?