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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Heat is On in Tampon*

Ever since school let out for the summer my morning commute has been a joy.

I can sleep until the decadent hour of 7:10AM (!!). I can leisurely get ready for my day. And the roads are pretty empty. I actually make it over the Neponset bridge in under 3 minutes. Can you IMAGINE? SO yes, summer commuting and the livin’ is easy.

Yesterday I was on my way to work and engaging in one of my new favorite hobbies, itching a bug bite. (Why is it that there can be what feels like NO mosquitoes in the air but the next day I wake up covered in mosquito bites. Those covert little buggers are on my last nerve). Anywho presently I feel something wet on my arm and I look down and lo, I am gushing blood from a bug bite I scratched a bit too vigorously.

Charming!

I root around with my good arm in my purse for a tissue or napkin and come up empty. Meanwhile there is a thin stream of blood snaking down my arm coming dangerously close to dripping on my dress. So I do what any girl faced with ruining a favorite summer ensemble would do, I grabbed a tampon out of my glove box (I am ALWAYS prepared), unwrapped it, and use that to staunch. What? It’s absorbent. It’s sterile. It worked even better than the Dunks napkin I was looking for would have. Very soon the bleeding stopped, the bite looked as good as new, and I did not look like a knife victim.

All was right in the world.

At work I got a band aid just in case and then promptly forgot about the whole incident. Especially because my Nintendo DSi arrived yesterday and it is the MOST fun. Although I was shocked and appalled to discover my Brain Age is 80 . But more about that later.

In any case I had a rude awakening when I left work later that day and upon returning to my car realized I had left the bloody tampon on my passenger seat.

GOOD LORD.

Do you know the depths of my embarrassment? Can you imagine what the casual observer must think of me? What if one of my coworkers had looked in my car and seen that? What kind of foul disgusto would they think I am?

So of course my only recourse is to tell everyone the story about how I used a tampon on my arm on my way to work and hope that if anyone saw it on my seat, they know it’s because I am a crackerjack first aid giver, and not a nasty freak.

Well not that much of one at least.



*Been listening to the Miss Saigon soundtrack a wee too much

10 comments:

Andy said...

What a way to start my morning! I love it!

Ashley said...

LOL...too funny!

Jackie said...

LMAO, that is just a little bit of hilarious!

hope505 said...

*hahaHAAA!!* That is the funniest story I've heard in a while...what a scene...!!
And: good for you and your ingenuity! That's what those little cotton bullets are MADE for! hello? absorbing blood! *hahaha!* I hope your bug bite is healing now
* : )

eileen said...

HAHAHAHA! That made my morning.

Erin said...

Hilarious, made my morning as well.

Annie MacKenzie said...

OMG this is too funny!!!

e$ said...

I love Miss Saigon, and now, thank you, that song will be in my head ALL DAY. allday. :)

NJDecorator said...

That is freakin' awesome. I spit coffee...Thanks!

The Chic Chauffeur said...

that rocks! Doesn't Nintendo need a brand enthusiast in Kansas?

Second...did you know that today is the last day of Tory's private sale on her web site? Gotta love a sale!!!!