Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Pink Shoe History Lesson

Here at The Pink Shoe Diaries, I enjoy not only writing about shoes, assholes and low calorie recipes. I also enjoy expanding our collective blog minds. So today I lead you down the hallowed halls of history, on a quest for distinctive figures with important roles to play.

My cousin and I had a movie night over the weekend (and watched Elizabeth: The Golden Age which was amazing by the way) and she had a rather remarkable idea. A book about Hotties Through the Ages. You know, super attractive men or women throughout history. Granted this is a tough task to undertake being that for much of history detailed photography did not exist but let's not dwell on the details. Then again this is not really fair to less hot individuals who still may be one of your favorite historical figures so let's amend the title.

Hotties or Notties Through The Ages.

Ok now that all non Nerds have clicked off this page let's get down to brass tax.

Sir Walter Raleigh

I say this not only because Clive Owen playing him in Elizabeth 2 was such a sight to behold that Anna and I basically had to press pause to catch our breath;

holy hell

But also because I google imaged him as a historical figure and I have to say...

Defintely still a hottie! And the whole exploer/historian/courtier/poet/knocking up one of the Queen's Ladies thing kind of does it for me too.

And now for a nottie:

Grirgori Rasputin

Now, Anna might take exception to this since she named her cat after him (side note: her cat is precious) but as much as I love Russian history (esp. the Romanovs) the fact remains this so called mystic probably would need a rather large dose of "mysticism" (known today by it's steet name "Rohyphnol") to ever get in with the ladies.

Moving on....

Marie Antoinette

I think it's a well established fact that she is a hottie. Never mind the fact that she had impeccable taste in clothes and shoes. And palaces. Sorry about the revolution though. I know you meant well.

Okay back to the notties.


Thanks for figuring out that the Earth moves around the Sun and not vice versa. Even so. Don't call us, we'll call you.

And now to change it up

A Hottie/Nottie. Oh yeah. Mixing it up.

Henry VIII

The most famous King of England. He who can't have a son so he kills/divorces a bunch of wives. You know you love him. Although technically, aside from the whole "I basically rule the world/I will have you killed if you don't give me the time of day" thing...

I don't really get it.

And yet when he is portrayed on Showtime it suddenly all makes sense

And even though I know Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Henry Tudor have nothing to do with each other other than the former playing the latter on the Showtime epic "The Tudors". They are now inextricably linked in my mind. And Catherine? Anne? Jane? Anne? Kathryn? Katherine?

I get it now.

Feel free to get in on this. Historical Hotties or Notties is a game that everyone can enjoy, not just shallow nerds like me.


Kate said...

Great post! I just finished The Boleyn Inheritance (sequel to The Other Boleyn Girl) and I am totally obsessed with Henry and the wives and that period. I am dying to see the movie! Henry didn't age well at all considering he had been pretty hot. Probably didn't help that he had an open sore on his leg and gained about 200 lbs!

eileen said...

I LOVE this post.
Do you know who else I love?
Alexander Hamilton, a.k.a. Mr. Ten Dollar Bill. Check him out
. Not too shabby, eh?

Sarah said...

Kate I am obsessed too! I saw the movie Anne of The Thousand Days last year and that kind of kicked off my interest.

And Eileen: ME-OW. I need to carry more tens.

Mandy said...

The Other Boleyn Girl is such a great book--I didn't know there was a sequel!! I can't wait for the movie.

Meg said...

I can't think of any Historical Hotties/Notties off the top of my head, but I must tell you that I think you're freaking hilarious.

AnnaB said...

Fabulous post! So, I tried to find a hottie Hungarian and found him:

Lys said...

Jonathan Rhys Myers - oh lord yes. The portrait of Henry in history books everywhere - oh hell no. You know, I think it's time to watch the DVD of the Tudors or whatever ;)

I'd kill for Marie Antoinette's shoe collection (well, if it was current day, of course!)

Norwego said...

Did you know that champagne flutes were invented/designed to look like the shape and size of Marie Antoinette's breasts? That's hottie divadom.

Also, Henry the VIII was actually quite the hottie when he was younger. It wasn't until his later years that he got really, really fat.

If you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend renting season one of "The Tudors". The costumes are to die for. And so are the sex scenes! omg. Also, Jonathan Rhys Myers naked. It's girl porn.

My vote for historical hottie:
Empress Josephine, wife of Napoleon.

Historical nottie:

Sarah said...

Norwego I am obsessed with The Tudors. On a Showtime Free Preview weekend I stayed in and watched ALL of season 1 in one sitting. You are NOT kidding about the sex scenes. o.m.g.

I love your votes for hottie/nottie. haha!

Anna I knew you would approve!

Trixana said...

When I was in seventh grade in Texas History (yes, a whole year dedicated to it) I totally had a crush on William B. Travis. Like, I would look at his picture and my heart would start racing. Check it out:

Oh 13 year old hormones!

Caitlin said...

Sarah, I cannot stop laughing. I think this is one of your best blogs yet! I absolutely LOVED
E2-TheGoldenAge, and I was in heat over Clive as well.

And? I am OBSESSED with the Romanov's as well -- ever since I read Zoya, by Danielle Steele!!!! HA!

Perfectly Plump Preppy said...

I am completely Tudors obsessed myself. Glad to know there are others like myself out there :) Maybe we can form some sort of support group?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...yes, husband is going out of town one weekend in March. I might have to check out this Tudors thing. Sounds intriguing (and SO not something he would tolerate watching with me).

Sarah, this is hilarious. Good work!

Amber T. said...

I'm reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" right now and I'm all up in this Tudor stuff :p

Stacey said...

I knew I liked you for a good reason! :) As an historian, I love this idea. In the English vein, you've also got Sir Francis Drake ( and Jane Austen ( in the hottie list. In the Scottish vein (more my style), how about a little Robert Burns (,%20Ayrshire,%20Ayr,%20Robert%20Burns.jpg) or Bonnie Prince Charlie ( :)

Nicky said...

You missed a major historical hottie from Tudor era!!! Mary Queen of Scotts was supposed to have out-prettied (and utterly backstabbed) her Queen-cousin, Elizabeth. Contrary to popular belief, Elizabeth didn't have her beheaded cuz she was the cuter of the two. She had her beheaded for trying to murder and dethrone Elizabeth half a dozen times. (What a beyotch!) Still...even Mary's death-mask looks pretty good:

Sarah said...

Hmm I don't know I have seen her pictures and she seems to be on the hottie/nottie line..

howeve - Fun fact: my family is descended from Mary Queen of Scots!

Nicky said...

Oh yeah - same last name! Cool. And the scandals! I dunno, Mary looked cute enough for me. And at the time, people were absolutely drooling for her. I need to lend you a pile of my Alison Weir books. You would particularly enjoy the "Elizabeth" one.

Fun fact: my family is decended from a bunch of frenchie farmers and grape-stompers. Yep. My dad traced our geneology. No royalty here. LOL.

Sarah said...

I will admit, I do find a Scottish accent on a woman to be kind of hot.

Nicky you haven't blogged in like a week WTF :-P

Nicky said...

I know - but I'm down for the count. I've had some sort of flu thing going on. PJ gave it to me (thanks, babe!) I had a 101 degree fever. I stayed home from work yesterday in a semi-coma. Couldn't even get out of bed to sit up at a computer. I probably should've stayed home today too. Ugh. I'll get back to it soon, I promise.

Lesli said...

Great post! I have always been fascinated by Marie Antoinette--all those shoes & fabulous gowns and that big hair with all kinds of stuff in it like feathers & fruit, etc. I even liked the movie with Kirsten Dunst as Marie. And she had a Pug!

Chantico said...

Johnathan Rhys Meyers, Alexander Hamilton and Robert Burns get my votes-in that order. Though Clive Owen has always made my heart skip a beat, too. The Tudors freak me out though; on the whole, a sordid story. In other news, I love your supermarket story, Sarah-justice IS served.