Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Ugly Pedi

I am here today to make your inner foot fetishist vomit.

I think pedicures are a lovely treat for most women. The pampering, the relaxing foot soak, the way your toes sparkle when the treatment is done. I also enjoy a good pedicure although I am also among the population who know a certain truth about themselves, and that truth can make a pedicure a little nerve wracking.

The truth about ugly feet.

I am the first person to admit I have terrible feet. My toes are long and monkey like (I can pick up a remote control with them, and I'm pretty sure peel a banana if necessary). My toenails are small and hard to paint and in fact on my pinky toe I basically don't have a toenail. . My feet have built up a defense system after years of wearing high heels and pointy toes and that system involves callouses and an inch of dead skin.

So yeah, a foot model I am not.

In the summer I tend to my feet regularly (pedicure once or twice a month, pumicing in the shower, lotion, etc) so as not to blind someone who happens to look down when I have sandals on. And they clean up quite nicely! But to be honest in the fall and winter this kind of pedal attention falls to the wayside since my feet are hidden from the public and clad in fabulous high heeled pumps and cute flats and fantastic boots.

So between October and November my feet go from this

to this

Ooh la la!

In any case, the thing about me and pedicures is when I know I am getting one I give myself a PRE PEDICURE usually the night before. I exfoliate, I file a little bit, I wear my moisterizing socks to bed. I know to some this might seem ridiculous since I am paying for similar services the next day but you the horror of letting someone deal with my feet without this treatment beforehand strikes such horror in my heart that I would not even be able to relax enough to enjoy my pedicure.

So yeah, pre-pedicures in the house!

A few weeks ago when my boss anounced that as a special treat they had booked a nail salon for the afternoon for all the ladies at my company to go get pedicures/manicures sip wine and eat cheese I was thrilled and made a mental note to pre-pedicure myself on Wednesday night so I would be good to go on Thursday.

Only I arrive at work today and realize the nail salon party is TODAY, not tomorrow. As in this afternoon.


I am quite tempted to cancel my pedicure and just get a manicure, not only because I forgot to bring flip flops to change into but mostly because I fear that while my coworkers are enjoying this:

While I am in the corner enjoying this.

UPDATE: Thanks to you guys I DID go ahead and get the pedicure and it was definitely not as bad as I thought it would be (although I did pity my nail tech!). Of course being able to enjoy a glass (ok a few) of wine while I was being attended to did not hurt matters. I went with the sassy Sonata in Bronze and I am loving it. In the fall/winter months I usually pretty much exclusively wear Revlon Vixen, so it was nice to break out of that box and get something fun. I love this color so much I'm going to the salon later on to buy a bottle!


Perfectly Plump Preppy said...

Amen Sarah. I'm right there with you. I have huge ugly feet. I always pre-pedicure except for the last time I was forced into getting one sans the pre-treatment and guess what? It wasn't that bad. The girl next to me was hysterically laughing about how ugly all feet are and she made me feel great.

Just have two glasses of wine and kick off your shoes. I promise it won't be as bad as you think it will be :)

And if it is, I owe you a drink!

kim said...

i would TOTALLY do the same. the pre-pedicure-thing. plus, usually there's not even really anyone but the person who does the pedicure who sees your feet. so i can imagine the horror to sit next to your coworkers with pretty feet.

BUT a) i think most people don't care for their feet in the fall and you won't be the only one. b) i think you might me exaggerating a little bit with the hoofs and c) it's for free so WHO CARES :) just enjoy ;)

tulipmom said...

Your pre-pedicure sounds like my cleaning like a mad woman the night before the cleaning people come. Hubby always teases me about this.

My feet aren't ugly but I may have the world's worst calluses on my heels.

I say go for it and just enjoy. Sounds like you have a kick ass boss, by the way.

Ladybug's Picnic said...

DEFINITELY do not cancel! Plus, you're at work, so instead of flip flops, you can sit at your desk with the paper slippers on until your polish has totally dried.

My feet are also scarily calloused and dry, mostly because on top of the stiletto wearing, I've been running, dancing and/or doing aerobics for the past oh, 20 years or so! I for one am in desperate need of a pedi - in the summer I'm there at least every other week. Now that it's cooler out, I think it's been at least 6 weeks. Yikes. In fact I may show up at your work as a "temp" for a free pedi today!

Nicky said...

Your work offered a mani/pedi party??? Are you kidding me? Good Lord, where do you work again? Are they hiring??? :oP

LooLoo said...

I have never had one. They scare me. Erin teases me.

RED said...

GO! It is free. I am certain they are not that bad and I know the pedi person has seen worse then you think your feet are, promise. I have ugly callused feet, so I feel your pain, but, have some wine and GO. Do not switch to a mani (you can do them yourself!) And then tell us what fabulous polish you selected for your feet. I love dark colors and am really feeling OPI Boris and Natasha (although it looks almost black with two coats) vampy and fabulous for fall. GO GO GO!

Melissa said...

You're hilarious! I'm sure your feet aren't THAT bad!

I do the same pre-pedicure thing too tho! My feet get very dry/peely and I have callouses as well! So gross!

Speaking of which... I need a pedicure badly!

Amanda* said...

Yeah, I'm going to echo the questions about where you work. Definitely. There aren't enough women in my office to have any hopes of a party like that happening anytime soon. Either way, I'm not a fan of the pedicure. I'm super ticklish and can't get through it without someone there talking me through it and trying to keep me distracted enough to not kick the lady in the face.

Jenni said...


I am seriously sitting at work right now laughing my ass off!

Thank you! :)

Alisa said...

LOL!!! OMG this post is one for the history books.

Jenny said...

I'm at my desk putting lotion on my feet (wearing slides today) because of this post.

Don't cancel! Just enjoy it. Your coworkers probably have even worse feet than you.