Baby You Can Drive My Car (No, You Can't!)

I learned yesterday that the woman who sits next to me at work is a member of an elite club, a club that I too am a member of.

Now, this club isn't secret per se, but most members don't bring up the fact that they belong. You may be sitting next to someone who belongs to this club right now and not even know it. In fact,

YOU may even belong to this club.

The "I didn't pass my driving test the first time I took it" club.

Allow me to tell you the story of my induction into this club.

I came late to driving. Most of my friends took driver's ed in the summer and every summer I was always away at camp so I missed out. Then of course I didn't want to take driver's ed by myself (quel horror!), so I waited until my senior year in high school, when my friend Katie who was a year younger than me was able to take it and we took it together. You will not be surprised to know that we never paid attention in class. Or dealings with the teacher went like this:

Me: (raising my hand with a question)
Teacher: "Sarah I will entertain your question in a moment"
Katie: "Will you do a little dance too"

And on more than one occasion were asked to leave. And by "asked to leave" I mean we asked to go to the bathroom, then would go to the local coffeehouse for lattes and never come back.

So suffice it to say I didn't really have a grasp of the fundamentals going into my driving hours. It didn't help matters that my parents' rule was they wouldn't take me driving until I had at least three driving hours under my belt. So my first driving hour with the teacher really was my first driving hour. Ever.

Within five minutes I hopped a curb and drove into a bush in front of a middle school. It was then decided maybe I would observe for a few hours before taking the wheel again.

So my parents didn't take me driving until well into a month of driving hours (and with my propensity for unplanned off roading, who could blame them?). So I never had that extra practice that the other kids had. That combined with the fact that I was terrified of driving. If there is one thing I have learned in life thus far it's if you are scared of something, grit your teeth and do it. Hemming and hawing and starting and stopping never made anyone more comfortable with anything. I wish I could tell this to my 18 year old self, driving white knuckled down Liberty Street going 5 miles per hour with a line of honking cars behind me, finally pulling over and saying "I can't do this!".

In any case, my driving teacher decided I needed "extra help" so while most kids did six hours of driving and six of observing, I had to do three hours more of each. I like to think that the teacher just liked hanging out with me. Right? I am a blast! The total Sucking At Driving thing was just a coincidence.

So finally the teacher either deemed me Ready To Take The Test or Utterly Hopeless. In any case with my driving hours completed, I was ready to take the test. I arrived at the Armory after school on a cold Wednesday in March and was ready to go. Right away, things were not as easy as I hoped. The gentleman who was to administer the test thought my permit was "too creased" and told me I had to go to the Registry and get another one and then come back and he would give me the test. My mother tried to protest, you could still see my picture and all of the pertinent info on the permit, why did it matter that it was creased? It was made of paper, of course it would get a little creased. The gentleman kind of got in my mom's face and told her MA'AM if I didn't get a new permit, I would not be getting a license today. FANTASTIC start to my potential driving career, right? So as we turn away, my mom mutters "What an asshole". And he clearly heard her. So when we came back an hour later with a brand spankin new permit and another guy said "I'll give you your test", he all but shoved him out of the way and said "She's all mine".

He then, in my opnion, punished me for my mom saying what's what by making me
1) do all the hand signals
2) parallell park on the narrowest street EVER. In my mom's minivan.
3) do a three point turn on aforementioned narrow street,
4) back up and park behind someone parked on a very busy street.

Most of my friends, who went to this same location, basically had to drive around the block and had licenses showered on them like confetti. I had to jump through vehicular hoops and was just told "You failed....by ALOT".

I'm not saying I wasn't a shitty driver, because I was. But I think my FAIL status was etched in stone the minute my mother called him an asshole. Vengeance was his!

In any case, my dad stepped in and took me DRIVING after that. All the time. He would take me to the high school parking lot on Saturdays and have me practice driving backwards in circles and pulling backwards into spaces and parallel parking between cones. I drove to the bank. To the mall. Everywhere!

So a few months later when I went back I NAILED it. He didn't have me parrallel park, but I offered to do it and showed him anyway. I learned it, and he was going to see it!

So finally, I had my license.

But I will always be a member of the small group of people who failed the first time, for various reasons. And I don't mind saying that everyone I have met who is in this club is a really fun person. So my new contention is that we were just too fun to bother learning how to drive.