Wednesday, December 20, 2006

"People are MEAN".
- My friend Diana at the mall last night.

She was not lying. The holidays may be about giving but holiday shopping is about bitching. Being the procrastinator that I am, I saved all my shopping for this week (You think that's bad? in 2002 I did all my holiday shopping on Christmas Eve at the Pru. I still have the scars). Anyway, as I drove through the vortex of cars in the South Shore Plaza parking lot I knew what I was getting into; I knew it would be nuts. What I didn't know is how evil people would be. I have not heard that many horns blaring since the Morrisey Ave Bridge got stuck in upright postion and someone apprently started a rumor that if you honked, it would go down. After (barely) escaping from the lower levels of the garage I finally found a spot on the top floor, after a Hummer finally realized he was not going to fit in a space that my car, a Civic Coupe, barely fit into.

And then there was the woman who hit me with her bag because I had the nerve to walk quickly past her slow-moving ass. I mean literally said something along the lines of "No you don't!" and HIT me with her bag. I only hope there was something fragile was in it.

Or what about the woman in The Gap who was screaming at the manager for not letting her return a stained (and clearly last season) sweater. Who said to her "Who the fuck do you think you are", and stomped her feet more times than I could count.

And then there were hordes teenagers just HANGING around, blocking walkways, playing hackeysack (I did not know people still did that), yelling about god knows what and feeling pretty good about pissing everyone off. I have an announcement: Between December 18th and December 23, the mall is for SHOPPING and I mean serious shopping. Not for loitering or being a pain in the ass. Those kids are just lucky I gave my pepper spray to Jill a few years ago.

And there was shoving and yelling and cursing and all the things that have come to signify Christmas shopping at the mall, including an incredible amount of large barking dogs (It was "Take your Pet's picture with Santa night) and security guards trolling around on Segway scooters. I was lucky to make it in and out of there in a little over an hour, since I only had a few things to pick up.

Oh well. 'Tis the season.

In any case between the mall and the few other shops I stopped at last night, I have a good chunk of my shopping done. And after a quick stop at Fuji for dinner, I stayed up late and wrapped every last thing and put it under the tree. All that's left now is gift certificates and an epic trip to the liquor store (for myself, clearly I need it)


Anonymous said...

I was just saying the same thing about the teenagers at the SSP, except I was more old-grumpy-man about it and said they shouldn't be allowed in groups of more than 2 after December 1.

And God help the non-serious shoppers on Saturday, because that's when I will be doing my shopping this year...

Sarah said...

they had a thing on Fox25 news this morning about how local malls have signs aimed at teens saying if you are obnoxious you will be thrown out. Obviously that rule was NOT enforced last night!

Anonymous said...

the Morrisey Ave Bridge got stuck in upright postion and someone apprently started a rumor that if you honked, it would go down.

ah hahaha, there's nothing that amuses me more than completely ineffectual horn honking.

amuses me for five minutes, that is, and then turns me homicidal. but it's damn funny at first.

oh, and also? i played hackeysack for like three weeks straight during my month in western ireland. this is because we had nothing else to DO in western ireland. except drink. but one can only do so much of that, honestly. and not at 11:00 am.

ok, sometimes at 11:00 am.

Anonymous said...

Security guards on Segways? That's awesome.

DiDi said...

I have never been so confused in the mall...walking past a GIANT man with his GIANT dog, walking past a very long line of dogs barking while waiting to have their picture taken with Santa, and security on Segways. It was just a weird scene to take in.

Btw, I miss the old SSP with the circle pattern on the main mall floor.