Today I fell victim to that which most girls have been subjected to at one time or another in their lives. That which one thinks can never happen to them, and then when it does they are so taken by surprised, so ill prepared that not much can be done for them.
Which is why I keep a box of safety pins in my desk drawer.
You see, today I suffer from ISS, otherwise known as Inadverdant Slut Shirt.
When I was getting ready this morning, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I thought I looked very presentable. Teal colored kimono top, black pants, black heels. I even had a long sleeved black cotton tee UNDER the kimono top since it's a bit chilly outside, and frankly a goddamn ingloo in my office. The v neck of the black shirt came up a few inches higher than the v neck on the kimono top which was perfect since the kimono top was a little TOO low cut which is why in the summer I wear a black tank top underneath.
So I get to work and la di da head into the bathroom for my "Did My Hair Survive My Commute" check. (Some women go through their whole lifes and only have one or two moments of reckoning, I have one every time I step into my work restroom and look in that mirror. Carefully applied eye makeup suddenly looks garish, hair that had been perfectly coiffed at home now looks to be holding a rally for flyaways under the flourescent lighting)
Anyway I glance at the mirror and lo! i am a ho. Well, maybe not a straight up ho but the long sleeved T shifted and was actually lower cut than I had thought and so here I am, cleavage city, ready to start my day and be taken very seriously and maybe get a few singles thrown at me in the process.
Luckily, I have been through this before so I have safety pins around and about me for just such occasions, but it has been a slow learning process. I have done the whole "I look great oh wait holy shit this shirt is SEE THROUGH!" bathroom dance, and had to run out to my car for a spare shirt (which I ALWAYS have in my trunk)
And let me tell you, you may LOVE your crepe de chine blouse, but nothing makes you more willing to go at it with a stapler than typing at your desk and seeing your own bare breast out of the corner of your eye.
Or maybe that's just me.
In any case, with some deft safety pin application, I have gone from "working girl" to working girl and thank god for that. Because I don't think that is the kind of "Open Workplace Culture" my boss was talking about at the last company meeting.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
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18 comments:
NaBloPoMo in full effect! The button on your blog gave me the idea to participate. Thanks!
YES. i am psyched.
This is what happens to me every time I get the bright idea to wear a button down shirt so I look more "professional". There's really nothing professional about realizing that button down shirts are not made for 36Ds, as I walk into the bathroom and see a two inch pucker where my shirt is supposed to be closed. Nice.
One thing that I love now - "Hollywood Tape" - you can get it at Drugstore.com/Beauty.com and it works wonders. Also - they need to realize that shirts need to account for breast size as well. I think the people that are cutting these clothes patterns think that many are of the Nicole Ritchie size persuasion. Ugh!!!
Oh no! I am not busty enough to sport office cleavage - sometimes I realize that if I look down, I can see straight down my shirt to my toes. Nobody needs to pull a Tara Reid.
I have discovered the Joys of Camisoles this year. Instantly, they transform any boob-bearing shirt into a workplace friendly garment. I need to buy more of them.
Also - extra clothes in the car? Soooo smart! Imagine my horror at realizing I had NOT brought any gym socks to change into on my way from work to jazzercise Monday. I did aerobics with my knee-high nylons on. (Though, I rolled them down for the occasion). That's dedication! I'm going to start leaving clothes in my trunk too. You're brilliant.
Holy smokes. Been there done that more than once.....One time, no kidding, I ran out and bought a different shirt because, wow, it's work, not Saturday Night Fever. LOL
ha i have done that with shoes! when i worked in boston at least once a year i would snap a heel at work and then run out on my lunch break and buy a brand new pair. good times.
you are high-larious, woman. i'm wondering how you fixed a too-low v-neck with safety pins, though - very macgyver-esqe!
and clipper, i *hate* that button. i am not even that well-endowed, but it is a persistent problem. i agree with nicky that camisoles can be a huge help, but make sure to get nice soft cotton or satin ones...i have this one awful sythentic-something-or-other cami (from the gap, no less!) that itches to all hell. then you're scratching at your chest all day, which is really not much better....
well i actually used the saftety pin on the kimono top since it is "wrap style" i just wrapped it so the neckline was higher and pinned it so it would stay.
boo yeah!!!
I love it! I too, am the occasional sufferer from ISS. And seriously, clothing makers need to realize that being a big-chested doesn't mean I want to display them all over the office.
aw yeah!! i had my first WW weigh in yesterday. lost 4.6 lbs! what's up!!?
4.6, woohoo!! That's awesome! You will probably get your 5 pound bookmark next week. :)
thanks lady!
and a bookmark!!!?that makes it all the more worth it.
i love me some prizes.
Damn you. I love that look!
You are a smart girl!!! One time on a warm summery day I decided to wear a white flowy cotton skirt to work. When I arrived I went straight to the bathroom and as I examined myself in the mirror, realized that my underwear (which were white with a bright red lip kiss print pattern) were showing right through the skirt so I was walking around with lip kiss prints all over my ass. After a couple of desperate moments, I removed the underwear but couldn't figure out what to do with them--how was I going to get back to my office with a pair of drawers clutched in my hand--until I decided to hide them in my bra. Then I decided they looked good there (one boob is slightly smaller anyway) so I left them there the rest of the day. Good thing I had to go to the bathroom first thing!
lol i have been there only i was 1) at a nightclub and realized that 2) my dress, while seemingly opaque in daylight was SEE THROUGH in a black light and my pale bra and underwear shone through. Awesome. I pretty much double fisted from there on out.
I LOVE this story. My breasts have been exposed inadvertantly more in the past 5 1/2 months than ever in my life...even in college, and that's saying a lot. Due to breastfeeding, my nipples are such a common sight that visitors to my home don't even comment when they pop out. Or they'll say "your nipple is out again" like I have broccoli in my teeth!
vicki you are hilarious
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