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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

When September rolls around, I start thinking about bras.


I have a long and sordid history with The Bra. I didn't require one until 7th grade and even then I was a euphemistically titled "Nearly B". God forbid I admitted I was an A. Mon Dieu. Of course being the late bloomer that I was I basically shot from an A to a C the summer in between 7th and 8th grade. For me this meant the Advent of Underwire, and while I traded the comfort of the flimsy training bra for the artillerary of a contraption whose sole purpose was to defy gravity, I was asssuaged by the fact that they were really pretty. So for 4 years I languished in the world of colorful silks and floral and lace.

And then, due to genetics (my mom is a petite lady but she wears a DDD ) when I was a high school graduate I wearing a Double D.

Of course you realize that once you pass D land it is an express train to Lady Grace, home of the matronly nana bra. So I traded in my silks and lace and florals for Stoic Nudes and Golden Girls Black. My underwear might have been a hot pink thong, but my bra was a 4 hooked, faux pearl adorned BRASSEIRE.

Truth be told it wasn't so bad. As I went through college the Freshman 10 went straight to my chest and by the time I hit 21 I was a Triple D. Even when I lost 20 lbs or so when I was on my inadvertant Vodka and Hummus diet of 2002, It didn't make a bit of difference.

And, matronyly nana bras aside, I never really cared that much about it. Other than the fact that when we would go out clubbing, people felt it was okay to blatantly ask if I was a stripper. And other than the fact that I had to wear a shirt 2 or 3 times bigger than my actual size and have it taken in at the waist. And other than the fact that I could not wear a strapless bra because it would have been like using a piece of paper to stop an avalanche.

As you can see, the "other than the facts" began to build up. And when I was 23 years old, and flirting with an E cup. I decided enough was enough. Let me tell you, breasts that are naturally that big usually are not that attractive. It got to the point that I would actually SLEEP in a bra and let me tell you, those Wacoal minimizers may get the job done but they lack heavily as a lounge wear accessory.

So, I decided the time had come to talk to a cosmetic surgeon. Since my mom was a nurse, I asked her to get me the name of the best one in these parts and as soon as the name was in my hand I was on the phone booking a consultation. Of course when Dr. H took one look at me she knew that 1) I was an EXCELLENT candidate for a breast reduction and 2) my insurance would definitely cover it. So we set the date, early September of 2003. And then I only had 6 long months to wait.

In the end, it was the easiest thing ever. I was never in it to become a B cup because who am I trying to fool? I hadn't been a B cup since 8th grade. I just wanted to be a little more proportionate, and perhaps be able to wear a shirt that actually FIT me. So we decided to go from an E to a D (3 sizes). They threw in a breast lift for good measure which is the greatest thing EVER and I am totally getting gone every 5 years after I turn 40.


In fact, mine came out so great that my mother got hers done a few years later!

And even though I was instructed to wear sports bra for a month this did not stop me from basically skipping into Victoria's Secfet less than a week after surgery and buying out the whole store, more or less. September became the month of the bra as I froliced among the push-ups and the demi cups and the cute criss cross straps, I knew that while September for some people means the beginning of fall, for me it would always mean the first month in my adult life that I could wear a strapless bra.




18 comments:

clipper829 said...

And they're spectacular!

Believe you me, when I am done having babies, me and the breast lift are going to become BFFs.

Nicky said...

I am linking my friend to this blog. She too has been over-blessed by the Breast Fairy and has been talking about a breast lift for the last several months. I think she should talk to someone who can tell her all about the procedure.

It also reminded me of my college roommate from freshman/sophomore yr. I thought R. was about my weight (which was a bit heavy at the time)...until her friends cajoled her into wearing a fitted t-shirt. The girl's ta-tas were huge over a itty bitty waist! The illusion of being meatier than she was had been a result of her hatred of her own chest size and the resulting camouflage in giant t-shirts. I guess more isn't always better.

Sarah said...

meanwhile i am giggling over the use of the word "ta-tas".

tee hee!

Mandy said...

Yay! My mother also had reduction surgery when she was about your age. I, on the other hand, must come from the other side of the gene pool because I have never been any larger than a B cup, which is totally fine with me.

Sarah said...

My mom went down to a large B/small C. she looks fab!

Lori said...

I am green with envy over your breast lift. I dream of the day I can afford little nets to hold up the girls. It took me until after college to realize I could buy a bra with out a four inch wide band with 72 hooks...soo (lady grace) sexy. Can you offer any tips on where to buy a good strapless??

Sarah said...

With strapless bras you definitely get what you pay for so with that in mind, Wacoal makes a bodysuede strapless for any size that is awesome. Macy's has a really good selection of those!

Anonymous said...

hey lady
we need to talk about this.


kristen

Sarah said...

you and jeanne and i should go out for cocktails and talk about boobs.

Anonymous said...

sounds good to me!
seriously. lets do this.


k.

Sarah said...

word! an email will be coming your way shortly!

kim said...

*sigh* AGAIN i wish i was in the area. seriously, a get-together for cocktails and booby-talk. it just sounds awesome!

Sarah said...

kim i promise, if and when i get to germany we will sit around, drink martinis, and talk about breasts.

Amanda* said...

I LOVE talking about boobs! Mine are boring and average, but I do love dressing them up with some Vicky's (a.k.a. favorite place on earth).

Caity said...

So it was a little weird for me to look at your blog and see a picture of the actual bra that I am wearing today there! haha :)

san said...

i am so with you on the bra thing... i know how annoying it is to buy bras.. esp. if one can't figure out if you are a D.. DD.. E... or whatever [I think sizes in Europe are different, but I never find the perfect bra.. I think I am a 32E]...

Frankie said...

My post-surgery bra month is November!

Marilyndrew said...

Ooooh, you make me want a breat reduction.

I have a tube consultation next week and I'm trying to keep it to one surgery at a time, but maybe next year .... :)