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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I have this matchmaking complex.



I believe, in my heart of hearts, that I can tell who should be together. Or at least who should give it a shot.

My career as a matchmaker started early my freshman year of high school, when I was able to get my friend Jenn together with her boyfriend Brian by leaving in the middle of my Accelerated Bio class (which Brian was in) and waltzing into Jenn's French class to seal the deal. The teachers were in awe of my matchmaking prowess and did not object. In fact in my memory, they applauded when I said to Jenn "Will you go out with Brian?" and she replied "Are you shitting me?".

Ah, romance.

And my matchmaking journey continued throughout high school. Of course, 90% of the men I would set my friends up with would later come out of the closet, but what better boyfriend can a high school girl have (or any girl for that matter) than a gay man? Right?

Right.

And today I am still struggling with my skills. And by struggling with my skills I mean trying to get people to accept them as fact. Sure, no relationship I have tried to set up since high school has lasted more than one date. But do I let that get me down? No. Do I blame myself? No way. I will tell you who I blame.

Women who only give a date ONE chance.

It's like women today have this check list, a man must look like this and he must do this for a living, he must have these hobbies he must bathe regularly. I mean, what's a little prison record between near strangers? Pish Posh! That's what I say.

People should be glad that I am deigning to involve myself in their sordid love lives. If a friend says to you "I have a man for you" you should automatically consider yourself dating for the next three months at least. I mean that's how long it takes to REALLY get to know someone. And don't you owe me, your dear friend three tiny, insignificant months of your life?

It's like picking out a gift for someone. Let's say I am at Linens -N-Things and I see this darling pink leather shaker set. Now, it is in the clearance bin because there are some scratches on the service and maybe the top is missing. But if it were perfect I would definitely want it! So do a few imperfections (like the fact that he, i mean it, doesn't work) mean I should walk away? NO. It means it might be perfect for a friend.

So all I am saying is, imperfect men are like imperfect shakers. Just because they can't fix you a decent martini doesn't mean they wouldn't look pretty in your house.

Oh and Eharmony and Match.com? If you want to keep me on retainer or anything, given my obvious skills, feel free to drop me an email.

16 comments:

san said...

Hehe, that gave me a nice chuckle... but you're so right! Why do women give a date ONE chance?
I have a friend like that. She's been single for 5 years now and I just can't get her to meet someone special... would you mind coming over and help me out? ;)

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

Mr. & Mrs. Cappella said...

haha! It took me a minute to remember who "Brian" is! ;-)

Sarah said...

Sannie: i would be HAPPY TO :-P

Jeanne:It's funny how using his real name actually mostly conceals his identity :-P

Nicky said...

PJ and I are horrible match makers.

But then again, a lot of my single friends are ridiculously unrealistic. They'll dump someone if one of the guy's earlobes is slightly bigger than the other.

Sarah said...

and you know what's funny is that almost every couple i know who has been together a long time says that it was NOT instant love at first sight. that at first, in fact, they were not sure there would be a second or third date.

kim said...

do you do single mothers, too? 'cause my sister could use a new man and while you're over here helping san's friend out you might as well stop by in bremen and match my sister. oh and take a beck's tour with me :)

Nicky said...

It's so true. The only think that you can have "at first sight" is lust.
PJ and I just slowly knit together over time as we realized how compatible we are.

Nicky said...

Oops, I meant "thing" not "think"

Caity said...

I had to think about "Brian" too, Jeannie! You're right - it's like an alias or something!

M said...

Weren't you part of the MacKinnon/Capella movement?

Sarah said...

not really....i think Danielle gets that credit.

Amanda* said...

Do you know any guys in Indiana? Because I have a bummed out single friend (who gives guys more than one date to prove themselves) who could really use a date right now. ;-)

grace said...

Do you have anyone in Minnesota? I can really use a good date.

Sarah said...

aw come to boston and i will go on a date with you! i'm an awesome date! :-P

ka-rista said...

Yes!!!!! I decided to date someone I wasn't immediatly attracted to. Matt and I were friends for a while and my friends were like dude, hes hot and he has a crush on you GO! GO NOW!

joe sheehan said...

i had to think about brian as well. i think you tried to setup me and Jenn once freshman year, and while that was unsuccessful then, there later was an (infamous) date senior year that almost ruined my chances with MF.

Last week, I got the one-date chance, and girls who do that are clearly more insecure. Kudos to you for figuring that out.