Dear Man-Who-Parks-Too-Close-To Me,
First of all, I realize that the parking spaces behind our apartment building are sort of cramped for someone like yourself who chose to purchase a gigantic SUV when you 1) live in a city and 2) do not have a large family. You will forgive me if I don't completely empathize with you, since these spaces are ample for those of us with normal sized cars. They are even large enough for those of us with normal sized SUVs. I suspect they would even be large enough for you if you were able to park with in the large, clearly marked white lines...but evidently these lines to you are a suggestion, rather than a guideline.
Now, spaces for the coveted "behind the building" lot are hard to come by, I know. I am usually one of the last tenants to come home at night so i don't often get to park there. But when I do, i expect that in the morning I will be able to get into my car without getting wedged in between your ginormous beast of a vehicle, and my more politely sized Civic.
You see, I don't think that I should have to enter my car from the passenger side door, simply because i am not able to wedge myself in the 6 inches you left between my car and your dusty, dirty, filthmobile. I think you should know that this sort of crowding is the vehicular equivalent of invading one's personal space. It is not very polite.
If this happened just once, I could ignore it. But it happens EVERY TIME I park in that lot. You force me to draw conclusions based on the fact that you 1) seem to be afraid to park far away from the building and 2) you drive a vehicle that is really to big. These conclusions involve the apparent lack in size of a body part of yours, which I won't mention because I am too lady-like.
Is it that you are in love with me? And since you know I live with my boyfriend, you figure that if our cars can be together than this might be enough? For the record, this is not the way to win my heart, I assure you. This is. But that is neither here nor there.
In conclusion: please do not wedge your car where there is clearly no space for it. Have some concern for people who need room to not just get into their car, but to get into the backseat, grab the scraper and scrape the 2 inches of frost from his/her car windows. If you can't find a space in the behind-the-building lot..it is ok to park near the dumpster and walk the extra 25 feet. I have done it several times. I promise, it is safe.
<3 Sarah
P.S. I know where you live.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
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5 comments:
Perhaps you could spell out "Big Jerk" in bologna in his hood. This would kill two birds with one stone as he would read about how dumb he is while the bologna ruined his grossmobile's paint job. Wouldn't be your fault though. I mean, clearly if he left you a normal amount of room to get in your car you wouldn't trip when bringing in the groceries!
~Jenny
all eyes on jenny dot com
lol thats like this man at my job who insists on parking next to me in his hummer... first why try to cramp a hummer in a small space in DC... he's seen me have to crawl oyt my car through the passenger side and still insists on parking next to me... I may have to steal the above bologna idea lol
no way!! i think the difference is you guys only have one garage so it will always be a tight fit..where as Mr. Man has a whole parking lot to park in, and multiple empty spaces!
ha ha! this makes me glad that i live in a house and can park my car on the street in front of it or in the driveway. i cannot stand people who refuse to park within the lines, and have in the past rebelled against it by writing 'balls' in some sort of condiment on the rear windshield of the offending vehicle. because that is such a mature thing to do.
Bologna nothing! After the second time there'd be shoe polish. If it happened again, eggs. Fifth time? Spray paint.
I just don't tolerate rudeness well.
-G
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