Monday, November 03, 2003

i have a headcold, which i think is indicative of this past weekend: a weekend involving the kind of epic debauchery not dissimilar to a tupac song. allow me to elaborate:


the thing about friday (halloween) night is that our downfall occurred so early on that things had no choice but to fall apart. the downfall was, and remains: drinking in public. we started the night on the train, meaghan and i and anita from work: doing nips of whiskey and rum and toasting to "whether we like it or not". next stop: meeting kate, eryn and brad (dressed as Mary, the devil and Joseph, respectively, with a little toy baby Jesus)at Mikes. we managed to get in trouble even though we were drinking with the holy family, go figure! after some weak vodka tonics, it was onto the next stop: the liquor store

mistake #1 of the night: it is unneccasary to buy alcohol, escpecially any kind of schnapps or brandy, for the express purpose of drinking en route to parties and bars.. drinking out of a bag is sooo passe.

onto the rosebud for bloddy maries and falling off stools! now, there were two parties to attend: one was my friend heather's friend in porter square and one was a friend of kate's in porter as well. we decided that heather's friend's party was going to be more crazy, so went to the other party first. during which we commited mistakes #2 and #3

#2: it is also unceccessary to add your brandy-in-a-bag to the already alcoholic punch. not only is it redundant, it may give the appearance of being less than classy.


#3 when attending a party at the house of someone you do not know, it's important to write down the directions, and not to assume that your cab driver will know where to go. also get the phone number, if your friend who invited you has no cell phone.

so after leaving party numero uno, we began walking to the second party only to discover that we had no idea where we were going, desipte earlier confidence in our cumulative sense of direction. meaghan and brad stopped for directions while kate, eryn and i contributed to the mission by sitting on the curb and singing Backstreet Boys. we then made mistake #4 of the night which was splitting up. Eryn, Meg and I in one cab (which by the way I had to jump in while it was still moving) and Brad and Kate in the other. 5 minutes later we were stranded in harvahd square, completely lost in regards to where this party is. we telephoned kate and brad and decided to cut our losses, and go to bar that the lovely miss jill works in, to at least get some free drinks out of this night.

mistake #5: when travelling with a severly inebriated induvidual, it is important to give them a window seat in the cab, so as to make it easier to position their mouth out of said cab when they inevitably vomit.

so there we were, stuck in traffic on route 93 with eryn laying half in the cab and half out the door, heaving her sinning soul onto the cement. poor thing. and then, thanks to said traffic, we arrived at jill's work 3 minutes before it closed, lovely.

we decided to make our way to Lucky's which has the decency to be open until 2 and it was then that we made mistakes #6 and #7

#6: do not trust men in winnie-the-pooh costumes. they may promise free drinks, but you know they only have one thing on their minds.......(honey! you pervs)


#7: if you are taking the Night Owl home, and ESPECIALLY if you are without your ATM card, be sure and keep track of the time. that shit stops at 2AM and if you miss it you are stuck in boston, dahlin'.

which is exactly what happened. we dallied to long with the martinis and schnapps at Lucky's and missed our only way home, so upon leaving the establishment, Meaghan and I did what we do best and attempted to hitchhike home.

#8: Hitchhiking is not the same as getting into a car stopped at a red light and demanding a ride back to Braintree. this leads to being stranded on a strange corner in South Boston, near nothing open or resembling a good place to be.

So our only logical solution at this point, since we had no more cash on us, was to beseech some respectable person into driving us as close to Braintree as possible. this oppurtunity presented itself in the form of a Doubletree Suites Guest Van, which Meaghan and I all but hijacked into driving us to JFK Umass, and the driver of which which was such a merciful creature that he GAVE us money to take a cab somewhere decent. Which turned out to be my friend Victor's house in Allston, who I called at 3AM and begged to leave the party he was at in order to come and let us into his apartment, which he did because he is a good friend and we love him for it.

so waking up in allston, and taking the train home en costume when it is no longer halloween is always a good time. meaghan and i slumped together on our seats, eyemakeup all over our faces, looking as cracked out as anyone ever looked at 10AM, bemoaning the fact that we didn't even have enough money to stop at dunken donuts. as the man next to us ewas leaving: he turned around and said, pointing to the seat next to us: "i think the dunkin donuts fairy left you something" and there, poetically, was a $5 bill.

So what is the moral of this tale? Make sure to always carry your ATM card? Be aware of the time? Drink less, for christ's sake? I'm not sure, but I do know that Meaghe and I were very lucky, and should probably be in jail alot more.

SATURDAY NIGHT: the sarah and tony halloween party. everyone was fabulously dressed: especially jeannie and capella and lest we forget sargeant sexy. The theme of the night, by far, was "Cocktails!" which we shouted every two minutes, while making the aforementioned drink. I am told by a few people that my catch phrase of the night was "Do you want to do a shot" which towards the end of the night came out more like "Doyouwannadoashot?", a la Drunk Girl from Saturday Night Live. all in all it was great to see all the Braintree girls all together again and looking so fine :-) as the party dwindled, the Valley of the Dolls girls raged until dawn, with the troopers that were left, until we collapsed all together in a modified pile in the living room to watch Full House and pass out in our sleeping bags

and i wonder why i feel like death today? i am too old for these kinds of escapades, what am i 19?

No comments: