The Pink Shoe Diaries

Adam and I are in the early stages of planning a trip to Paris next year. I vacationed there several years ago but did not TRULY appreciate it because 1) I had food poisoning for three days (and, in fact, vomited at Versailles) and 2) had just gotten through a nasty break up and let me tell you, being in romantic Paris after a bad break up is like rubbing salt in a wound. Anyway Adam has never been, and so we must go.

This is great for obvious reasons, but bad for one unavoidable reason.

I HATE to fly.

Now, I consider myself to be a good traveler, I enjoy going to new places, I like trying new foods and meeting new people, I pick up languages pretty quickly. But if you hop a transatlantic flight with me you better liquor me up or else be prepared to land on the other side of the ocean with bruises on your arm from me clutching it so tightly.

And I don't know how this happened. I mean I flew to Kenya when I was 15 and didn't bat an eye. But last year the 40 minute flight to Philadelphia nearly killed my nerves, I swear. And it has nothing to do with terrorism. I am not afraid of armed men taking over the plane (Well, obviously everyone is afraid of that but it is not what weighs most heavily on my mind). I just fear mechanical failure/plummeting into an ocean/mountain.

Or, you know, this


And it's not just fear...it's fear coupled with hate. I hate the cramped seating in coach, I hate airplane food, I hate being stuck in a small space with crying babies (crying babies are my lot in life as far as flying goes, there are always at least 3 on the plane with me who take turns lest I go 10 minutes without shrieking wails in my ear).

And I have to say, nearly everyone I know who is NOT afraid of flying has the same philosophy "If it's my time to go, it's my time to go". Um, no. When it is my time to go I better be asleep in bed and not 40,000 feet up in the air in a metal tube.

But in spite of this fear/hate...I still travel. I don't let it keep me on the ground (to the dismay of anyone seated next to me who has to hear my freaking out during turbulance/when the fasten seatbelt sign goes on)

But I hold onto the hope that someday in the future, they will put people to sleep for the duration of flights. Maybe a little laughing gas? Some general anesthesia? That's what I'm talking about.